Day by Day

Joshua Has Something to Tell Ya'll

2012-01-27T13:09:00.001-07:00

Back in December at our 3 month post-placement visit for Joshua, we had casually mentioned to our social worker that we were hoping to start the adoption process again next year. On December 28th, exactly one month ago tomorrow, we received the most unexpected phone call from our adoption agency. "This is one of those strange sorta phone calls," she says. Were we serious about wanting to start the process again, she wanted to know. Yes! Well, I have a little boy here and no family that is paperwork ready except you guys. You may remember that we had to do our home study all over again when we moved to AZ. Well as it turned out, this was a HUGE blessing. The only reason we got this phone call was because we had a current approved home study (the initial home study in AZ is good for 18 months). We weren't sure if we would be able to come up with all the finances so quickly, so we asked her for a few days to pray about it and see how God was leading us. God gave us a very clear answer as to how we were to proceed and how He would provide. With God's miraculous provision, we called our social worker on January 1st (she gave us her home number) to tell her we wanted to move forward. She sent over the referral paperwork that same day. So we started 2012 by seeing the face of our next son for the first time.

We still had some paperwork to do to update our home study plus all the referral acceptance paperwork and we also had to wait for all the funds to become available, but we got everything mailed off on the 14th (they didn't get it till the 17th due to the MLK holiday). Everything got sent to Korea last week, so we should be ATK (acceptance to Korea) very soon if we are not already.

John and I are overjoyed to introduce you to Joshua's little brother:

Jonah RiYoon

Born July 8, 2011

Jonah - Means "Dove" and has the spiritual connotation "Declarer of Joy and Salvation"

RiYoon - A name given to him by his birthmother, made up of a combination of Korean characters

As it turns out Jonah was born at the exact time we were doing the paperwork for our home study in AZ. Our adoption agency is estimating that we will wait approximately 18 months before we are able to travel to Korea to bring him home. Please keep us and Jonah in your prayers as we wait.

Never in my life have I felt the favor of God as I do here. After the phone call, I kept thinking about the verse in the Bible where it talks about God as El Roi, the "God who sees me" (story of Hagar). I know of others who have received these types of phone calls and have secretly always wished to be on the receiving end of one of them. And I know the Lord knows that. Other people dream about miraculous pregnancies, I dream about social workers calling my house - ha! God is good!

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" Psalm 126:3.

Note: Our new agency discourages publicly sharing photos because of how it may be viewed by Korea. I shared my blog address with Joshua's foster family and I don't know whether or not she shared it with Joshua's social worker in Korea. Jonah has the same social worker in Korea, so I don't want to put pictures of RiYoon here (other than the tiny peek above). However, I have a plan that may allow a large number of my "secret" followers to see a picture, so be on the look out. I will also post a photo on Facebook (I am getting all kinds of weird hits on my blog from sources I don't recognize so I took out my name). I will email those of you whose email addresses I have.

1st Trip to the Zoo

2012-01-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

We went to the zoo the day after New Years since John had some time off. Joshua loved it. I could tell he recognized many of the animals from his books and Baby Einstein DVD. It was actually hard to get good pics because he was moving around so much due to his excitement.

This was the first of many trips I am sure!

Last of the December Photos

2012-01-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

Apparently, woobies are required for opening Christmas presents (Christmas PJs from Grandma)

I love the look on his face in this pic!

Dancing!

1st Haircut

2012-01-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

Joshua got his first haircut the week after Christmas. He did amazing! I was shocked at how well he did, no tears, no fits, nothing at all. He was such a trooper, though as you will see in these pictures he was clearly not happy.

Not even candy is making it better :-(

Attempting to get the "after" photo

Much better!

Saguaro East and Bear Canyon

2012-01-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

The day after Christmas we took a much needed hike in Saguaro National Park. This was our first visit to the park, but it certainly won't be our last - so much beauty!

On New Year's Eve, we took a hike along the Bear Canyon Trail.

My boys! Love this picture!

Outings like this are almost enough to make me like Tucson. ;-)

Christmas Morning

2012-01-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

I was not a very good Christmas morning picture taker, mostly because I just wanted to be in the moment rather than worrying about taking pictures. But I did manage to get a few.

He had this bow on his bottom for most of the morning.

My best "present" :-)

Week Before Christmas

2012-01-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

We spent Thanksgiving with some friends from John's work who have a son a few years older than Joshua. They blessed us with several of their son's toys that he no longer played with which I decided to give to Joshua during the week before Christmas to prepare him for opening presents on Christmas morning.

This last gift was a remote controlled train and tracks. Joshua absolutely loves it and has been wanting to play with it every day.

Celebrating Daddy's Birthday

2012-01-19T05:00:00.001-07:00

John's birthday was the weekend before Christmas. John's sister came to town for the weekend along with her husband and 2 daughters. This was Joshua's first time meeting any of our family. He did great and especially loved playing with his cousins. We got to celebrate John's birthday with them and then later as a family of three.

Do you think he likes cake? And yes, that's a Care Bear plate. Someone gave it to us and it was the only one we had clean. :-) That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

More Christmas Fun

2012-01-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite memories from this first Christmas with Joshua is singing Jingle Bells to him while he was having lunch, and wearing Santa hats while doing so!

One of my other favorite memories is him playing with his Little People nativity set.

He loved to put the angel on top (or camels) and hit the button to play the music (Away in a Manger). As you can see he was quite pleased with himself whenever he did it. :-)

Christmas Outtakes

2012-01-17T14:51:00.000-07:00

Well as usual I am behind on blogging. So I plan to do a bunch of picture posts to get caught up on what Joshua is up to and hopefully I will manage to write something a little more substantial in the near future.

I got the idea of showing the “outtakes” of my attempt to get a cute Christmas photo of Joshua from Wendi’s blog. I never did manage to get the picture I was hoping for, but hey that’s the way it goes with a toddler. They may not have been Christmas card worthy, but I still think they are pretty cute.

And a little later that day, not part of the Christmas picture taking, but just for fun.

Countdown to Grandma!

2012-01-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

Joshua will be meeting his Grandma (my mom) in just 3 hours! This is his first visit from a grandparent and also the first visit from my side of the family. I am so excited!

Of course, as usual I am lagging behind in posting Christmas pictures and an end of the year post. John was off for 10 days, so I didn't have much time for blogging with celebrating Christmas and then spending time together to take advantage of John's time off. We also worked on getting our Christmas card and letter out to family and friends during that time. Thankfully, we got all our addresses entered into a word document, so it should be much easier next year.

Anyway, we had a great Christmas, though Joshua is still too young to really get it. By the end, he really didn't want to open any more presents. I think Christmas is going to be a lot of fun next year when he is two and a half and can understand a bit more. Also, I realized John and I have totally different styles when it comes to opening presents. I want to take it slow, open one present, let Joshua play with it until he is tired of it, and then move on to the next present. John wants to move things along and open all the presents really quickly. Hopefully, we can find a good compromise that keeps us both happy next Christmas. :-)

Well, a little somebody is waking up from his nap so I had better go.

Merry Christmas!!!

2011-12-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Luke 2:8-12

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Somebody Has a Woobie...

2011-12-12T06:00:00.001-07:00

or a lovey, blankie, or whatever you want to call it.

And it is absolutely not the one we sent to him in Korea, you know the one I have 2 of. Nor is it the little frog lovey we bought 2 of, one to send and one to keep. Nope. I had put some blankets around the edge of his crib because he rolls around a lot when he sleeps and smooshes himself against the sides of the crib (probably need to just buy a bumper since he is no where near being able to climb out of his crib). Out of those blankets he chose this one, not sure why. But he is not parting with it, that is for sure. It's pretty cute actually.

This blanket was a gift we received at our 1st baby shower. I think I need to make a trip to the store. :-)

Christmas Fun

2011-12-10T06:00:00.005-07:00

Joshua loves to play with things around the house. He seems to have more fun with "toys" that aren't really toys. Here is some of his Christmas fun.

Moving the Christmas tree candles from the table to the chair is lots of fun!

When John was growing up, his parents collected Hallmark ornaments for each child, several of which are the lights and sounds ones. Those particular ones are a bit much for me, so if I put them on the tree I don't plug them into the light strand. This year I decided not to put them on the tree at all and just let Joshua have some fun up close with the ornaments. Plus that way the rest of the tree doesn't get destroyed. :-)

I never did this as a child, so I definitely wanted Joshua to have the experience.

We are enjoying our first Christmas together so much, though I don't think Joshua understands much about it yet. My heart is still very much with those of you who are waiting on your little ones to come home. I have been praying for you guys often. Remember it is okay to be sad. And remember next Christmas is going to look very different for you all!

Camels We Have Heard on High?

2011-12-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

Oh wait, that was the angels.

Look Who's Starting to Walk!!!!!

2011-12-08T06:00:00.005-07:00

This was yesterday. Joshua has done this several other times, but this is the first time I managed to capture it on video. I am so excited to see him taking steps.

I have to confess that I have struggled a bit with Joshua not walking yet, not because of wanting a perfect child or anything like that, it has more to do with expectations. It is one of several things I have struggled with since bringing Joshua home, most of them having nothing to do with Joshua or adoption (John's work situation and moving to Tucson - posts for another day), but much of it has been about expectations. Our adoption agency did a very good job of preparing us to reset our expectations for bringing home a toddler after the delays in the adoption process were announced due to EP situation. I prepared myself for a toddler and researched things to do with a toddler in Tucson. The toddler age is probably my favorite age and so the fact that we were going to be bringing home a toddler was something I was actually very excited about. However, I underestimated the effect Joshua's prematurity and possibly other things would have on him. When we went to Korea I was surprised at how much Joshua still seemed like a baby to me. Thankfully, a forum friend had shared a video of her son, who was similar to Joshua, with me. Otherwise, I would have been completely shocked. Crazy as this sounds to me now though, I thought he would start walking his first month home. And when that didn't happen, I was caught off guard a bit. I felt completely unprepared and have struggled a bit with what to do. You don't realize it until you are in the situation, but many toddler activities are geared for walkers (makes sense since most toddlers are walking). Not being able to do those things has increased the feelings of isolation and loneliness that I have already been feeling from living in a new city far away from family and friends with a husband that is gone for 12 hours a day. It has been surprising to me though how many people (strangers in the store) tell me how lucky I am that he is not walking yet. I get it on one level, chasing around a toddler is I'm sure challenging at times, but I don't think people realize how limiting and isolating it can feel when you aren't able to be a part of many activities. I hope this doesn't sound too "poor me," I don't mean it to sound that way at all. Walking or not walking, I am glad to finally have my little boy home and I love him with all my heart. But I did have to go through a process to reset my expectations again, ironically back to a much younger child, and I want to be honest with my readers to share both my joys and struggles, even those that are a result of my own wrong thinking.

I had been preparing myself to start physical therapy in the new year when Joshua will reach 18 months adjusted age. But he may not need it after all! He is quite strong willed and determined and trying to make him do something in physical therapy would probably be a disaster. I am feeling so hopeful that we may not have to put him through it.

I must also say that it is absolutely wonderful, amazing, thrilling, exciting, did I already say amazing to get to see one of his important firsts!

November Recap

2011-12-07T12:22:00.001-07:00

I don't know how those of you who blog every day manage to do it. If I even try to get on the laptop while Joshua is playing he will immediately come up to me and try to push all the keys on the keyboard - it just doesn't work. During his nap is when I eat lunch (if I haven't eaten with him), shower, and often just recharge. I end up reading other peoples blogs for some downtime, but completely neglect my own. Anyway, I really want to do better! The month of November was such a busy month and just flew by for us. Since this is basically my place to chronicle our lives (and for now Joshua's baby book), I want to do a recap of our month.

In November we:

-Celebrated 8 wonderful years of marriage and our very first anniversary as parents. Since getting a babysitter is not an option at this point, we celebrated by having dinner out as a family.

-Celebrated 2 months as a family of three. I really could feel how much we were settling in as a family once we passed this milestone.

-Had a family outing by taking a hike/walk through Sabino Canyon and I discovered something to like about Tucson. :-) Up until this point, it had been too hot to really enjoy doing anything outside.

-Had a couple of playdates, our first with Titus and the third one with Noah. Noah's mom Michelle works with John and has become a good friend to me - truly a blessing because it has been very lonely here.

-Discovered that riding in a laundry basket is lots of fun...

...and decided that Scout was our best friend.

-Celebrated daddy being home on Veteran's Day by having another family outing, this time to the Desert Museum in Tucson, and we attempted to get a family photo. It is part garden, part museum, and part zoo, and definitely a place we'd go back to.

My eyes are closed and Joshua is looking away (sigh).

A javalina - we actually had one of these come to our front door and eat our pumpkin at Halloween.

-Took care of Michelle's dog Georgia. This picture cracks me up.

-Went to our 1st kid birthday party. Joshua played on the slide with daddy and enjoyed a rare sight here in AZ - grass! We also got to meet another family with a son from Korea.

-Fell in love with High Five with Julius and Friends and high fives in general. Here he is high fiving the pages.

-Became a little comedian. Joshua has started to do things just to make us (and himself) laugh.

-Had some fall fun.

-Got sick for the first time since coming home and gave mommy a very big scare. When our pediatric nurse practitioner sent us for the chest x-ray, she told us to make sure we got a CD of it. That's when I knew how serious it was; she thought she was going to be sending us to the hospital, which is why we would need the CD.

-And as a result of the sickness, we got a new friend, Roscoe, the nebulizer dog.

My poor little bub :-(

-Looked cute in camo, ate some Korean snacks, and tried to turn on some music.

-Celebrated my 37th birthday - yikes! Since Joshua was still recovering we celebrated with delicious take-out tamales and birthday cake.

He likes to share his snacks with me, and apparently his cake.

-Celebrated turning 19 months old by having lots of fun in the kitchen.

-Celebrated our first Thanksgiving as a family of three, giving thanks to God for blessing us with such an amazing little boy. And we got a family photo, not thrilled with it, but its an improvement over our past attempts.

-Took a much needed after Thanksgiving day long hike to the top of the paved trail at Sabino Canyon.

-Put up our Christmas tree over Thanksgiving weekend.

-Had some fun with oatmeal. I had heard about sensory boxes using oatmeal and wanted to give it a trial run before investing the money into a plastic bin, large amount of oatmeal, and other supplies. He was so engrossed in it I really couldn't get a good picture.

Overall, a pretty great month. I felt like things began to click for us a bit more as far as settling in together as a family of three.

Fall Fun

2011-11-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

These were taken last week before Joshua got sick (he is recovering well now). Joshua got into the cabinet where I had these leaves stored and so I decided why not let him have a little fun. He loved it when I threw the leaves up in the air and let them come down on top of him. We have to make our own "fall" here in AZ.

We were about to go out for a walk when he found the leaves (I think he is about to sign "more").

I know this one is pretty dark, but I just love the look on his face.

Last of the October Pictures

2011-11-10T13:49:00.000-07:00

Anyone else having trouble uploading pictures to blogger lately? It is taking several tries and much longer than usual. Anyway, here are the last of our October pictures of the little man.

PJs were a gift from Christy - thank you!

His current favorite toy - Scout, especially the song "Me and my friend Joshua," he points to himself every time Scout says or sings Joshua, a gift from Ms. Brenda - thank you!

Another favorite toy this month - the truck that as John says "poops balls" - nice. A gift from my sister Chrissy and her family, thank you!

Joshua's cousin Jake picked out this shirt - thank you Jake, we love it!

One of the first cooler days we had - I couldn't resist trying out this outfit

Joshua is not much of a fan of hats; Annie, "Geez, can we go on a walk already?!"

Second time on a swing (1st time was shortly after he came home), first time actually thinking it is sorta fun

Another recent introduction - slides! Joshua loves them. Unfortunately, he can't yet get himself up the slide and mommy is only good for about 5-10 times of lifting 30 pounds up and down. Seriously, one of my arms is going numb every night in my sleep and I can't feel how hot the bath is with that arm any more. :-) But life is good. I feel like we are coming out of survival mode and really settling into a routine.

Halloween 2011

2011-11-08T13:51:00.000-07:00

Running behind as usual, but such is life these days. I am not much of a Halloween person anyways and with Joshua being so newly home, I wasn't sure whether we would do anything at all. At the last minute (as in the afternoon of the 31st), I found a simple (and cheap) puppy dog costume at Target and decided we would at least dress Joshua up, take a few pictures, and stop by a few of our neighbors' houses. I dressed him in khakis and a white t-shirt and then fed him dinner. After dinner, all we had to do was slip the costume on and plop on a little brown eye liner for his nose. We were back in time for him to take a bath and be in bed at his usual time. I just didn't want to disrupt his routine at this point and seeing too many people would have caused him a lot of anxiety. So here is the cutest little puppy dog (at least I think so):

And here's what Joshua really thought about his costume, notice he was not wearing the hood part in the pictures above:

And 3 days later:

Oh sure, now he likes it - mommy lesson #100 (don't ask me what 1-99 were, but I'm sure there's at least that many so far), introduce Halloween costume early so as to increase the chances of your little one actually wearing and liking it!

Pumpkin Pictures

2011-10-31T12:30:00.000-07:00

We took a trip to a local farm to pick a pumpkin a couple of weekends ago. Joshua continues to experience anxiety in any new situation and that day it was especially apparent so we didn't stay long at all. We are trying to do little things here and there, but it is often too much for him so most days he and I stay home. Plus it was 100 degrees! I still don't like you Arizona!!!!

Our attempt at a quick family photo before we left - we have yet to get a good family photo.

Joshua liked the pumpkin much better at home where he is comfortable. I took these this past weekend. I love his shirt!

And later that day carving the pumpkin with daddy:

18 Months Old!

2011-10-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

My little guy is 18 months old today! We have a fun day planned at the Chuseok celebration in Phoenix, so it will just be a short post to celebrate this milestone.

One of the verses that encouraged me so much during our long battle with infertility/childlessness was Ephesians 3:20-21:

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Joshua, you are "immeasurably more" than I could have ever asked or imagined. I am so blessed to be your mommy! Happy 18 months!

October Picture Catch Up

2011-10-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Thank you Grandma (my mom)! This is helping me practice my walking. And of course I love pushing all the buttons. :-)

Thank you Grandpa C (John's dad)! Apparently, John had a coonskin hat as a child, so Joshua needed to have one too. Here he's saying, "I just woke up from a nap, why in the world are you guys putting this hat on me!?"

One of his favorite activities - playing/torturing Annie!

Bedtime story with daddy. John hasn't been getting home until after 6 in the evening due to a base "exercise" - thanks U.S. Air Force - so he has only been able to see Joshua for a few moments before bedtime. Thank you Uncle Robert and Aunt Tina for the Little Spider book - we read it everyday!

One of his favorite things lately - pointing to himself every time we say JoonSeo Joshua

The next morning - another favorite, looking at pictures of himself!

Trying out mommy's sunglasses

Loving my little boy so much!

First Family Outing

2011-10-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

We have been staying very close to home since Joshua's homecoming due to the anxiety he was having in new situations. We went a few places our first couple of weeks, but they were basically places we had to go like to the doctor. Then I literally didn't go anywhere for at least a week, which really seemed to help him begin to feel more secure. After that I began to take him to the store and even took him to a lunch celebration in our honor at John's work. I kept him in the carrier the whole time and he seems to be handling these outings just fine. We did go on a drive up to the mountains just to get out of the house one weekend and we go to church on Sundays, but other than that we have been staying home. Even for an extremely introverted homebody like me, it was too much. I was going stir crazy. So we finally had a family outing the second weekend in October. We went up to the mountains to the north of Tucson to see some of the leaves changing color. We took a walk and then had lunch at restaurant in Mt. Lemon. It was so good for my spirit to get out and enjoy time as a family. It was really the first time doing something as a family like I had always dreamed about. Plus I love the mountains. It is actually cold up there, which I also love. So far to me they are Tucson's one saving grace, otherwise I really don't like it here yet (hoping that will change).

I love that his joyful personality is showing in these pictures at the restaurant! We had so much fun.

Thank you Wendi!

2011-10-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, put my boots on!"

These boots (along with the school bus) are a gift from Wendi. The boots are such a special gift to me because they remind me of a my time in Turkey when I got to jump in a puddle with her son Elijah. It was such a wonderful moment for me where I just knew the kind of mom I wanted to be and knew that somehow I was going to be okay as a mom.

What a blessing!

Just Like His Papa

2011-10-19T09:00:00.001-07:00

Papa is my dad. He has worn striped shirts like these for as long as I can remember. I found these shirts at a Mothers of Multiples sale with my stepmom back when we were still in Maryland. So of course we had to buy them because they reminded us of my dad. I can't wait for Joshua to meet his Papa and the rest of my family!

Last of the September Pictures

2011-10-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Daddy bought me this shirt :-)

This duck was a gift from my friend Cindy. He loves us to roll it up to him and poke him in the belly and say "quack, quack."

He loves his watermelon (as you will see below!). I was giving him his snacks at the coffee table as a way to encourage him to stand and use his leg muscles more. He loves his food!

This outfit was what he was wearing in Korea when he was place in our arms forever. To celebrate 2 weeks as a family of three, I decided to dress him in it again.

Playing catch with mommy!

Even though this picture is dark, I included it because it was such a turning point. It was the first time Joshua had placed the ball in his mouth the way we saw him do on our very first night together in Korea. It was at this moment that I knew that the little guy we met in Korea was still inside him.

I Can Do It By Myself

2011-10-17T09:00:00.002-07:00

As of September 23rd, the day these pictures were taken, I am 17 months old and I can do it by myself!

Story Time

2011-10-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

Please disregard my desperate need for a pedicure :-)

These pictures are from September 17th. The flap book (first 2 pictures) is from Grace and it is one of his absolute favorites, seriously, he wanted me to read it and the other flap book she gave us 5 times in a row!

Happy Birthday!!!

2011-10-15T00:01:00.001-07:00

We love you and miss you! Can't wait for Joshua to meet you! Hope you have a wonderful birthday!

How Cute am I in My PJs?!

2011-10-14T09:00:00.003-07:00

Anyone notice my PJs don't match - sleepy mommy. :-)

만세 - Manseh!!!

These are from September 13-28th, with the most recent ones on the top. I think he is just so cute in his PJs!

Taking a Ride

2011-10-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

The mark on his arm is from his PPD test.

Doing his favorite thing - pushing buttons to make it play music!

One of my favorite pictures of him!

These pictures are from September 12-29th. Joshua is now able to use the walk feature of the cars and walk across the room while holding on to the back. The school bus car is actually his favorite - thank you Wendi! I don't have as many pictures with it because we actually took away half of his toys that light up and play songs (as well as a few others) to see if it would help calm him down. He has it back now, which makes him very happy!

Pictures!

2011-10-12T19:39:00.000-07:00

I am hoping to have a chance to write a follow up to my post about sleep issues soon - this week just hasn't given me the opportunity yet. But just a note, I was not offended by any of the comments or advice. We are doing so much better and dare I say it Joshua has actually been sleeping through the night for several nights (with the exception of last night which I think was because he had to get 2 shots yesterday at the doctor). The turnaround is truly miraculous and I believe an answer to prayer. To those who have been praying for us, thank you!!!!

And now finally some pictures. I will probably do several catch up post of just pictures. These are from September 8-11th. We have some serious drool action due to teething, which was actually way more apparent in these pictures.

One Month!

2011-10-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

I am a few days late on this, but wanted to commemorate the day anyways. We have now been a family of three for one month. It is hard to believe. It still doesn't feel entirely real to me. I have this feeling that at any point I am going to be told "gig's up, but glad you enjoyed yourself." That probably sounds strange to a lot of people, but when you wait for a child as long as John and I did, it is a pretty common feeling. To celebrate, I thought I would finally post our airport pictures. One month ago (plus a few days), we stepped off the plane and began our lives together. We are beyond blessed to have JoonSeo as our son.

I do have a follow up to my last post on the sleep issues, which was really about grieving not sleep. The sleep struggles were really a symptom of the problem and not the underlying issue. I was actually very discouraged afterward and just had to take a break from blogging and being on the computer, not so much because of the responses I received here, but from some I received in other places where I had posted about our struggles. Then I kept wanting to post a follow up, but didn't want to post a response in haste before getting some perspective on everything. That said, things have improved quite a bit as Joshua has become a little more comfortable with us.

Sleep Issues

2011-09-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry for my lack of updates. The difficulties I mentioned in my last post have actually increased. Sleep has become a major challenge. Joshua really hasn't done much grieving in his waking hours (1 bad night, 1 slightly less bad night, and 1 morning), but at night he has been grieving quite a bit, at least that is what I think it is. We had our first post-placement visit this past Saturday and our social worker was definitely in agreement with me when we discussed it with her. I actually think he is half asleep when he does his grieving. Getting him to sleep takes about an hour and afterward I am just exhausted and not really up for blogging. And at nap time I usually need to sleep or try to get a few things done around the house. John and I were taking turns so that is what enabled me to update the blog in the beginning, but now he is back to work. I will really try though. I feel like this past week has been a blur and has just zoomed by. I feel like I am in survival mode right now.

It's like his little body just can't wind down. Often it seems like he knows its night time and even wants to go to sleep, but can't. Other times he fights going to sleep. Once he's asleep he usually sleeps soundly for a few hours, but then begins to fuss and cry in his sleep off and on. This is where I think he is grieving. If he comes out of a deep sleep he cries and when he is going to sleep prior to reaching a deep sleep he cries. He was on a paci in Korea and the information we received said that he would whimper in the early morning hours and his foster mother would give him the paci. He is doing way more than whimpering now and it isn't just in the early morning hours, but often from 12am until waking up for the day. I am up several times a night as a result. He is also waking up for a night time feeding which he didn't do in Korea, but I think it is because he only slept from 12am to 7am in Korea, so his little body isn't used to going that long without food. We try to put him to bed around 8pm and then he will wake up anywhere from 2 -5 am for a feeding (in addition to the other times). After I feed him, I rock him back to sleep and then he is up for the day anywhere from 5:30-7:30am. I am trying to watch for patterns to see if there is anything we do in the day that seems to bother him, for example I think going for a walk in the evening may not be a good thing for him right now and makes for an especially difficult bedtime. We really haven't left the house much except to go to the doctor (3 times total for labs and tuberculosis test) and once to the grocery store. When we've gone somewhere he gets really quiet, which is not how he usually is, so I think any new situation is making him very anxious. For now, we are going to continue to stay very close to home. Since the night sleeping schedule is all over the place, the day time sleeping schedule is as well. I believe kids do best on routine and its killing me that I haven't been able to get him on a consistent schedule yet. I think I probably need to let go of my expectations for this right now. Anyway, I hope this jumbled up post makes some sense. Prayers would be appreciated!

Even with the sleep issues, I am still enjoying my little guy so much. I still can't get over how blessed I am. John went back to work yesterday making it my first official day as a SAHM. Sunday night was actually a good night sleep-wise and so it was a wonderful day. However, there was a poopy in the pool situation. Suddenly, I am looking and thinking what it all that stuff floating around in the pool. Go ahead and laugh, I would.

And I did. I think that is one of the blessings of infertility. You can laugh and take delight in situations that would probably frustrate others because you know that in order for there to be a poopy in the pool there is a child that created the poopy. And that is something to be grateful for. There are so many ladies waiting on the blessing of a child who would give anything to clean up poopy pool situations and have sleepless nights. When I am up at night I have been trying to use the time to pray, to thank God for blessing us with Joshua and to pray for my family and friends.

Hopefully, tonight will be a good night and I will upload pictures during nap time tomorrow.

A Bit About Joshua

2011-09-13T16:41:00.000-07:00

We are slowly getting into a routine. Joshua is almost over his cold and is now fairly well adjusted to the time change. However, things have become a bit more difficult this past week, though today has been much better. I don't know whether it is all the change he has been through which is causing him to be more irritable and fussy (which would be completely understandable) or if it is something else. He is cutting his molars so I definitely think that has been a major factor. I also read in Toddler Adoption that it is not uncommon for a toddler to go into a state of disequilibrium where they become more fussy as they are about to learn a new developmental task. Joshua is definitely standing and cruising more every day so that is a possibility. One of the challenges of parenting after adoption is that you are often wondering if something is adoption related or if it him being a toddler. "Is it adoption or is it life" is one of the questions I am certain I will be asking myself a lot in the years to come. He is also definitely showing more willful toddler-like behaviors and I am struggling with how best to handle them so early on in our relationship. That being said, I am still so in love with my little guy and am enjoying getting to know him more every day. Sometimes I look down at him or look around at all the toys strewn about my family room and still can't believe it's real, that I really get to be his mom.

So here are some of the things I have learned about my boy (probably of more interest to the grandparents and aunts and uncles so feel free to skip):

He really seems to like his name and so I still call him JoonSeo, he smiles and laughs every time I show him his pictures and say his name or when I show him himself in a mirror
He loves looking in the mirror or pretty much any mirrored surface; we have a Baby Einstein mirror book and he will lean in toward the mirror until his face is all the way against it
The first book I read him was called In My Den, it is a board book with a hole in every page and a little finger puppet bear that I move around as I read the story - he thinks its hysterical and laughs and smiles the whole time
He loves the recordable book we sent him and will ask me to "read" it every time he sees it, he especially likes the part in front where I speak really bad Korean saying hello and I love you, it also has our picture on that page; he wants me to read it over and over again; this was one of the times where we saw some of the toddler-like behavior - he started fussing and screaming at me when he wanted me to read the story again
He ended up loving several of the items we sent him in the care packages - the recordable book, photo album, little fire truck, vtech nursery rhyme book, and the blanket - his foster mom gave all of them to us, plus the PJs we sent; I think it has really helped to have some transition items
He loves all toys that light up and make sounds or music; he remembers exactly where the buttons to push are on each toy and he will shake his body to the music
He loves to bat balls, cars, blocks, or pretty much anything across the floor and then chase after it
He loves to clap his hands together, do "manseh" (like hooray) and raise his arms up, and shake his head (dori, dori, dori game kids play in Korea)
He definitely has a mind of his own; if he wants me to play dori, dori, dori and I am not doing it, he will smash his hands on the side of my face and push it to move my head from side to side
He LOVES his bottle; after he is done drinking some he will take it out of his mouth and say "ahhh" with the most satisfied look on his face; his face literally lights up when he sees his bottle; if he has his pacifier in when he sees his bottle he will pluck it out of his mouth lightening fast and throw it on the floor to get ready for his bottle
As soon as he is done with the bottle, he will throw it on the ground (we are working on this as he is now letting me hold the end of his bottle while I am feeding him!)
If he sees me eating something he will crawl over to the coffee table and then stand up right by me for me to give him some
At first it didn't seem as though he would drink milk as well as he would drink formula, but John discovered that if we warmed the milk to room temperature he drinks it right up; since he was on 4 formula bottles a day (8 packets), we quickly ran out of what they gave us in Korea; we are trying to transition to milk since there is no reason for a child his age to be on formula and in fact it can be damaging since it is not possible for him to get all his nutritional needs at this age from formula alone, plus he seems just as satisfied comfort wise with milk
He loves fruit of any kind and he also loves any kind of snack cracker, especially shrimp chips and his other Korean snacks, though he also likes puffs and baby mum-mums
As far as regular food, we are having the most success with rice mixed with cooked vegetables (cut up very small or mushed up like squash) and then I cut up Trader Joe's seaweed snacks and add it in for flavor; the other key is to add some water when I heat it up so that it is a little soupy
He has also eaten potatoes with a little meat and broccoli mixed together, rice and beans, and Mexican stuffed shells (mostly pasta with a little bit of the sauce)
He fights sleep like crazy and will flail his arms and legs, clap his hands, shake his head, move a blanket back and forth between his legs, and do pretty much anything else he can to keep himself awake; at first I was able to rock him to sleep, but lately I can only get him to sleep by putting him in the carrier and walking around or dancing side to side; once he is asleep we put him in his crib and he will nap or sleep just fine, though he periodically stirs and whimpers; at night either John or I will sleep on an air mattress in his room; we will do this until we know he is comfortable and won't wake up scared and not knowing where he is
He loves "ah boo bah" which means on the back and will come up behind me when I am sitting on the floor and bang on my back; often he does this when he is tired and ready for a nap; technically he is not ah boo bah since I mostly wear him on the front, but we have taken to calling the carrier ah boo bah irregardless
He loves water whether in the little kiddy pool or the bath; he will splash and play as long as I let him
One night after his bath I held him on the counter and put him up to the mirror; he found his toothbrush by the sink and decided he wanted to "brush" his teeth; now after every bath he can't wait for me to put him up on the counter and let him look in the mirror and brush his teeth; so much so that he started having a fit while I was trying to put on his diaper after his bath; I didn't know what to think at first, I wondered if he was grieving, but then as soon as I was done with the diaper and picked him up towards the mirror, he was all smiles (this would be some of the toddler behavior I mentioned)
We are trying to teach him a few signs so that he can communicate with us and hopefully that will help avoid the yelling and screaming that is his current mode of communication :-) - I really am compassionate about this, just think how frustrating it would be if you were taken half way across the world by two strangers who spoke to you in a completely unfamiliar language and what little ability you had to communicate in your familiar language was now useless
When he is seated, he spins around doing 360 degree turns
He loves to dance to music
He loves to smile, laugh, and play; he is also very curious about everything and most definitely has a mind of his own

Well, I am sure there is more, but that is what I can think of right now. I love him so much!

How is Joshua doing with Annie?

2011-09-09T20:43:00.001-07:00

In a word - obsessed! Every time he sees her his face lights up. The first time he saw her he crawled around the coffee table chasing after her. If he sees her in the living room, he will make a beeline from the family room crawling as fast as he can after her. If she is sitting on the couch (a frequent occurrence), Joshua will hold on to the couch and stand up so that he can see her and then try to touch her.

Annie, on the other hand, is a little less happy with this new situation. I am pretty sure her thought process is something like, "Guys what's going on? First you leave me with one little person for a whole week and then you come back with another little person?" If it is possible for dog to give you a look of betrayal, I am pretty sure Annie has given me one this week. Part of the problem is that "gentle" is still a concept that needs some working on with Joshua.

I think the one bright spot for Annie came when we put Joshua in the high chair to eat. I would say that at least as much food ends up on the floor as in his mouth. And Annie says, "Hey, maybe this little guy is not so bad after all..." We actually have to put Annie behind the gate otherwise Joshua will intentionally throw food down to her. And while I really believe Annie is absolutely safe with children, I don't want anyone to worry - we never leave the two of them alone.

And I promise, we do actually dress him. We are just a little low on clothes since he is already wearing size 24 month and I had mostly 18 month sized clothing. The shorts that went with this shirt are too small for him, so rather than fight to take off this shirt I just let him wear it with a diaper.

First Days at Home

2011-09-07T17:48:00.001-07:00

We are continuing to do well. The first night we were home (Saturday) Joshua grieved a lot and was up most of the night. The following day he was a little fussy and I could see he was very anxious at times, especially if I was out of his sight for even a second. He did laugh and play, but he was definitely a more subdued version of the little guy we met Friday night. The second night he grieved, but not quite as hard as the first night. He also wakes up somewhere between 10pm and 12am every night and then doesn't go back to sleep until around 4am due to the jet lag. The good news is that while he may have a slight preference for me, he will go to John without crying and will allow John to do any task he allows me to do. This has been a huge blessing because it has meant we have been able to take turns at night. He really didn't grieve much at all the third night, but when he woke up he started looking around and then started crying. To be honest, I am very surprised. I really expected that we would have a very difficult transition. This doesn't mean things won't get more difficult as time goes by and Joshua realizes more and more that this is not a temporary situation. We will just continue to take it one day at a time and see how it goes.

These pictures don't fully capture his personality, but hopefully give some sense of who he is. Doing so would probably require a better camera and a better photographer. :-) We also have some videos I will try to upload as soon as I can.

Bubbles with daddy

I didn't expect him to get into everything so readily, especially with all that he is going through right now, but he discovered these puzzles on the shelves underneath the coffee table all on his own.

He loves, loves, loves water - doesn't matter if its the bath or the pool. I got this pool on clearance at Target for less than $3.

At first we were feeding him more baby like food, but he is actually WAY more interested in eating what we are eating. So we have been putting him in booster high chair and eating dinner together.

He loves banging blocks together

and putting them in his mouth

Checking out the crib - "hey, this doesn't seem like such a bad place..."

Eating with daddy

Airplane Day

2011-09-05T21:00:00.001-07:00

Our first night with Joshua went very well, he actually slept the whole night through. I, on the other hand, had typical new mom anxiety and had to keep checking that he was still breathing. :-)

The next morning we just hung out in our room at the guest house and played and fed Joshua until it was time to leave. Here he is playing with daddy.

Our first picture as a family of 3, taken right before we left for the airport.

Joshua was such a trooper on the plane ride home. At almost 30 pounds (yikes! and yes, my arms already hurt), he is too big for the bassinet. However, Korean Air was awesome and blocked off the middle seat for us so that we would have 3 seats in a row. Joshua played, ate, and actually slept for quite a bit of the flight. He got fussy a couple of times, but we actually didn't have the airplane meltdown I had been dreading. And in a bid for the mom of the year award, I let my less than 2 year old watch Pororo ( a popular kids cartoon in Korea) on the seat back TV, which seemed to help avert a meltdown the one time I thought one might be coming. I am pretty sure he was allowed to watch TV in Korea because he is mesmerized by it.

Here he is playing at LAX as we waited to board the flight to Tucson.

He loves this ball - we actually almost didn't bring it!

I really felt the prayers for our flight because it seriously could not have gone any better. My friend Christy and my new friend Stacey met us at the airport and took pictures. Hopefully, there will be a few good ones to share, I know I was looking pretty rough after such a long day and being sick.

Here he is in one of the first moments after being home. First I took him and showed him his room and the family room where his toys are and then I showed him his pictures, pointing to each one and saying JoonSeo, JoonSeo, ....and then back at him. He smiled and laughed each time.

I wasn't sure about giving him a bath, but the updates we received said he loves his bath, so I figured I would give it a try - he loves taking a bath! This picture really doesn't capture just how much fun he thinks it is. Now I know why you need a high speed camera with kids. I just can't seem to take the pictures fast enough to really capture the moment and show his personality.

So that was our first day with Joshua. And it was wonderful!!!!!!!

Forever Family Day

2011-09-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

Our second meeting with Joshua and his foster mother wasn't until 3pm on Friday so we decided to go to Seoul Tower that morning before the meeting. There is a tradition of couples going up to Seoul Tower and placing a lock together to symbolize their endless love. Among adoptive families it has now become somewhat of a tradition to place a lock at Seoul Tower as a symbol of their endless love for their child. I was so happy that John and I were able to do this on our actual Family Day.

The time finally came and we had our meeting with Joshua's foster mom. She and I were both crying almost the entire time. She left for a bit to see how Joshua would do without her. We ended up rocking him to sleep with John singing and me holding him on my shoulder.

Then the time came. We all gathered around and Dr. Kim prayed over both the children (there was one other family with us) and their foster families. Here is the English translation of the prayer:

Precious life, one of our many country’s saviors, we send away this life to a foreign country with scarred memories of his homeland.

Please forgive our sins and allow Korea to be a better country so that we will adopt children [someday] from other countries instead of us always sending ours away.

We send this child for care, so please protect his life.
And make it so that he can lead a happy life in his new home.

Please always provide him with grace and intelligence and lead him to live by the rules of Jesus Christ, To have all good fortunes, to help benefit others, and to return the glory to our Lord.

It is our sincere wish that this life will not forget his home country and the love of the people who took care of him.

Father, please remember all the foster families who work hard, whether in favorable or unfavorable conditions, to protect these lives. And bless them for the benefits they are provided with.

By Your blessings, this adoptive family will be full of love and under Your protection.

Now this child leaves. Please make his way as easy as possible and lead him to the most pleasant of lives.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

After the ceremony, his foster mother took a few more moments with JoonSeo and then placed him in John's arms. I hugged her and gave her the flowers we bought for her. She then hid in the office while we walked upstairs to our room in the guest house.

Here are a first pictures with our boy:

Later that night we joined some of the other families in the kitchen and let the kids play together. This is when we got to see a bit of JoonSeo's personality, what one of the other families called "hurricane Joshua."

I still can't believe he is finally in my arms. I really never thought we would ever get to bring him home. I was sure something would happen to cause the whole thing to fall apart. For those of you waiting, know that those feelings are not real. Our children really do come home!

I can't get over how blessed I am to be a mom to such an amazing little boy.

We are Home!!!

2011-09-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

We are home and doing well. Joshua did amazing his first night with us and on the plane ride home. I was actually shocked at how well he did, I never would have imagined it would go so well. Thank you all for your prayers. Last night was a bit rougher, I think it finally hit him that he is no longer with his umma and ahpa (foster mother and father in Korea). He fell asleep around 8pm after we got home, but woke up about an hour and half later crying inconsolable. He cried so hard he threw up all over me. I just rocked him and also cried. I wish I could fix it, but I can't, all I can do is comfort him the best I can. Eventually, he fell back to sleep, but woke up around 2am (gotta love the jet lag!) and decided it was play time. So mommy and Joshua played and cuddled until 4am and then it was daddy's turn. Daddy and Joshua played for a little while and then John put him in the carry and he fell back to sleep around 6am and we all slept until 11am. I think Joshua is definitely handling his grief by wanting to sleep a lot right now. Plus he is sick with a cold. And now mommy and daddy are also sick with colds. Talk about a quick initiation into parenthood!

We are both just enjoying playing and cuddling with Joshua so much. He is a very happy and easy going kid. He loves to smile, giggle, clap his hands, and do manseh (raising your hands over your head, similar to hooray in English). I am seriously blown away that I get to be mom to such an amazing kid. Another family at the guest house nicknamed him "hurricane Joshua" and it is fitting. He is a force of nature. He was playing at the guest house with some of the other kids and hugged/tackled another little boy. He would bat the ball across the floor and take off crawling as fast as he could after it. Then he would put the ball in his mouth and crawl back as fast as he could. I will try to post pictures and write more about him very soon.

We are so very blessed!

Finally a Family of 3!!!!!

2011-09-02T01:04:00.000-07:00

We are overjoyed to finally be a family of 3!!!! No time to upload pictures right now, we are busy playing with our boy and having fun. Things are going really well so far, but please keep us in your prayers. Please also pray for Joshua's foster mother as today was a very hard day for her.

John, Becky, and Joshua JoonSeo

Together Forever 9-2-2011

To God be the Glory, Great things He hath done!!!!

First Meeting with Joshua!!!!!

2011-08-31T00:36:00.001-07:00

Our first meeting was fantastic, thank you all so much for your prayers. Joshua let both of us hold him and didn't show any stranger anxiety at all. His foster mom gave us an album of pictures, including the ones from his Dol (1st birthday). This is something I have been praying about for a while! We found out he chose the gavel indicating we may have a future judge or lawyer on our hands!!! We also have a picture of him at his dol with a famous Korean actress. I still have to find out who she is. Those moments of holding Joshua in my arms are among the best in my life. We also learned that his personality is very easy going and he has a gentle nature, though temper tantrums were mentioned. He likes going out in the stroller, but hates the car seat. I am so glad we are flying back into Tucson and not Phoenix. He is not afraid of much. He stops his actions in response to Andae (no), but if he thinks he is being chided for misbehavior, he crawls to another place to avoid being chided. :-) If he is told that he is going to go out, he goes to the hallway and sits and waits. I love him so much already!

He also has a foster sister that is also going home next week. I can't imagine how hard this must be for his foster mother. She was crying when she arrived and I could tell she didn't even want to look at me. Who could blame her, she has taken care of JoonSeo for 14 months and now she has to say good-bye to two babies in a week's time. My heart was literally breaking for her.

And now what you have been waiting for - pictures!

The last 3 were taken before our meeting. We had some time to kill - we arrived 3 hours early. :-)

Tomorrow we are meeting with the head of Eastern for a luncheon. We take custody of Joshua on Friday at 3pm!!!

We Are in Seoul!!!

2011-08-30T13:36:00.000-07:00

We made it here with no problems at all. All our flights were on time, no lost luggage, and finding transportation from the airport was very easy. The only little hiccup was the traffic getting from the airport to our hotel. We were exhausted by that point since it was the middle of the night on AZ time. We checked in to the hotel at 8pm and were in bed by 9 pm. We managed to sleep about 5 or 6 hours before the jet lag got the best of us, so we decided to just get up at 4am.

We meet Joshua in less than 5 hours!!!

All Packed Up and Ready to Go!

2011-08-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

We are leaving very soon!!!! I really can't believe it is finally happening. I will try to blog from Korea as much as possible. Right now I can barely put a sentence together so this is going to be short, but I do have a few prayer requests.

Please keep us in your prayers for safe and smooth travels with no lost luggage. Please also be praying for our meeting with Joshua and his foster mother on Wednesday morning (Tuesday evening in the U.S.). Please pray that I am able to get answers to my questions in order to fill in the blanks of Joshua's life for him when he is older. And lastly, please be praying for our transition, attachment, and bonding.

Thank you all for your love, support, and prayers throughout this whole process!

Flight and Meeting Time Set! Need Prayers....Updated

2011-08-25T14:41:00.002-07:00

We have our flight booked, leaving early next week and returning next weekend. We will meet Joshua for the first time on Wednesday August 31st at 10am!!!! That is August 30th at 9pm on the east coast and 6pm here in AZ, which is exactly one year from the first time we saw his sweet face, how cool is that!!!

We have a hotel for our first 2 nights in Seoul, but are still waiting on our travel agent to find us one for our last 2. Almost everything in Seoul is booked solid right now. Please be praying he finds us a hotel room for our last 2 nights. I am not panicking yet, but I am getting close!

I also just found out that most likely my mom isn't going to be able to come and watch our dog Annie for us; her work won't give her time off. Now we need to find an alternate arrangement that will work for our highly anxious little pup. Could you also pray we find just the right place and/or person. It's also really disappointing for her and for me because now she won't get to come to the airport to at least meet Joshua. For anyone who might be curious as to why she can't come after we are home, it is because it is not recommended that you have other people around when you first bring your child home. It would be entirely too overwhelming and confusing for Joshua. He has no idea who we are or that we are his forever mommy and daddy. All he will know is that he has just lost the only family he has ever known. So until we can establish that bond with him, we won't be allowing others to visit much (if at all) and certainly we won't be allowing anyone else to hold him or meet his needs. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but we have to do what is best for Joshua.

Thank you all for celebrating with us in your comments on my last post! I also really appreciate your prayers.

Update: A doctor at John's work has offered to watch Annie for us. Praise God!!! And we were able to get into the guest house for our last 2 nights! Prior to finding that out we were able to get a reservation at the military MWR hotel (Dragon Hill Lodge), but we are going to cancel it and stay at the guest house.

Travel Call!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

I got the call at 6:12am this morning! I literally started shrieking when I heard the phone ring. Then I heard those words I have waited so long to hear, "It's time to go!" She actually called us last knowing the time difference, but wondered if it was too early. It wasn't! I actually woke up at 4:45 and thought, "It's 6:45 in Minnesota, I bet Jill is almost at work."

We still have to book our flight but I would like to leave on Sunday or Monday if possible.

I have been crying off and on all morning - it's so emotional knowing that this journey is finally coming to a close.

I can't wait to start the next journey as a mom (finally!!!!) to Joshua JoonSeo.

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:3

Getting Closer!!!

2011-08-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up extra early to call the VISA office in Washington, DC to see if I could find out if Joshua had his VISA interview scheduled soon.

The lady said, "He is very cute!" That means his picture is in their system so he has already made his embassy appearance.

And, his VISA interview is scheduled for August 23rd!!!!! Tomorrow, it will be August 23rd in Korea!

What does this all mean? It means we will probably have our travel call by the end of the week!!!!!!

We will probably wait about 1 week before actually traveling.

Our other good news, which is pretty much overshadowed by this far better news, is that our home study got certified by the court last week, so it is done!!!

Last week was a busy week, hence my lack of blogging. I have been working on final preparations, but I still have more to do so I had better get a move on. :-)

We Have EP!!!!!!!

2011-08-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

After an unprecedented 13 weeks of waiting to receive EP (emigration permission), we finally have it!!!!

We got the call this morning. Actually John got it because for some reason our agency said they couldn't get through to me (I think she dialed the wrong number); then he called me with the good news.

This was the last major hurdle to cross; EP is basically the Korean governments permission for Joshua to leave Korea and be adopted internationally. Our agency is telling us 1-3 weeks before travel call!

I am still in shock. I keep asking myself if this is for real. Are we really about to get on a plane and fly to Korea to finally meet our son?!?! It has been almost one year (August 30th) since we first saw Joshua JoonSeo's face. There have been so many times when I have doubted whether he would ever really come home to us.

I can't believe this is actually happening!!!!!!

Thank you Lord!!!!!

Good News on the Horizon?!!!

2011-08-09T16:56:00.001-07:00

MPAK is reporting that the EP process has started to flow again in Korea!!!!

This EP situation had created a great deal of uncertainty for me, and for many of the other families who are waiting to bring their children home. Many of us began to wonder not WHEN our children would come home, but IF they would ever come home. I think this news has made us all feel more hopeful.

Once we receive EP and Joshua's passport, we only have about 1-4 weeks more before our travel call!

Come on phone ring!!!

New Photos to Ease the Pain

2011-08-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that as of this past Thursday we have been waiting 12 weeks for EP, and as of Friday it has been 10 months since our referral acceptance paperwork went to Korea. Never would I have imagined that we wouldn't have EP by now. I actually thought we would have our travel call by this point. The wait has been getting harder every day. I was doing fairly well up until recently. When we were back in Maryland I was working, traveling, spending time with friends, going to Bible studies or prayer meetings, or taking Korean language lessons. Then I was busy with the move. But now that things have slowed down and we are settled in, I am feeling the sadness and loneliness of a new place and I am really missing all my friends. But even more so, I am wanting to have Joshua home. My heart literally aches. I am bored, restless, and feeling very alone.

But there was a bright spot last week. After the great update we received (previous post), we got new pictures!!! Not sure how old he is, to me he looks younger than in the photos we were emailed at 14 months, but older than the last official update photos we received (see this post).

I think I may have my photos to embarrass him with by showing them to his friends when he is older :-) Gotta love that elephant outfit! ;-)

Please keep us in prayer regarding this EP situation.

Our Best Update Yet!

2011-08-03T05:00:00.001-07:00

After our emotionally exhausting day on Monday having our individual interviews, I received a much needed pick-me-up - an update!

It contained much more information than our previous ones.

Joon Seo was brought in for his 15-month check-up. Joon Seo drinks 250cc of milk-a mixture with regular milk or soy milk-5-6 times per day. He eats steamed rice three times a day, but Joon Seo prefers milk to rice. He also eats steamed potato, sweet potato and pumpkin, etc. and he likes fruit, too. Anything he is given, he eats well, but he looks for his milk at each [meal] time. It may be because he eats such large amounts, but he has 3-4 bowel movements per day. He very much likes being given a bath. He usually falls asleep at about midnight and sleeps soundly until 7:00 a.m. He has a short nap in the morning and sleeps longer in the afternoon. He grab onto furniture or the wall and walks sideways. These days he’s been trying to take his hands off and stand on his own. If his hands are held to walk, he walks more than 10 steps.

He sits on his own, holds toys and plays well as he moves toys from one hand to the other. If there is music, he shakes his body. He turns pages in the book that the adoptive parents sent him. He likes to listen to his voice. If he is shown a pen, he grabs it, but rather than scribble on paper, he puts it in his mouth. He likes to play with balls; he likes throwing a ball back and forth. With blocks, rather than stacking them, he likes to hold them in both hands and bang them together. Joon Seo has no illness/sickness and he is growing well. He especially likes his foster father and follows him well.

Joon Seo still appears to have slow development in comparison to his age, but considering that he was born prematurely at 30 weeks, and that we can see slight differences every month, we anticipate continued improvement in his developmental condition.

We also learned he is 29 pounds and 29.9 inches, his head and chest both measure 19.4 inches, and he has 4 upper and 4 lower teeth.

The part about his bowel movements just cracked me up! I am wondering if the mixing milk is because of lactose intolerance. And wow, going to bed at midnight, that's up from 10 PM in our previous update. I love all the details! And loving that he is listening to the recordable book we sent (we also taped a picture inside the front cover). I am wondering about where it says, "he likes to listen to his voice" if they are saying JoonSeo likes to listen to my hubby's voice. If so, I can't blame him, my hubby does have a very nice voice .

I am also wondering a bit about what it might mean for us in terms of attachment that he especially likes his foster father. I have been in contact with someone whose daughter shared the same foster family and know from her that Joshua's foster father is very involved with their foster children and absolutely loves babies.

And 29 lbs and 29.9 in! Whoa! I better spend this remaining wait lifting weights.

A New Creation

2011-08-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all who prayed for our home visit and individual interviews yesterday. It lasted about three and a half hours and I think everything went fairly well. But man did she dig deep into our backgrounds and family history. Our previous social worker mostly stuck with what was in our autobiographies. To say that John and I had difficult childhoods is an understatement. And she really delved into everything. The thing is if she had not directly asked the questions, I would not have told her some of these things. But when directly asked about something, I knew I needed to be truthful regardless of the consequences. Our pastor had just preached on integrity and how seriously the Lord takes lying this past Sunday.

"The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." Proverbs 12:22

It was emotionally exhausting. She even said as she was leaving that I might find myself feeling exhausted the rest of the day because it was a lot of "stuff" to bring out. I really appreciated her sensitivity and her assurance that everything was okay and that nothing we told her would be a problem. Convincing myself to take her at her word has been another matter entirely. For the rest of the day I just felt a heaviness in my heart, and an overall feeling of "yuck." I continually had to remind myself of the Truth:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I have been washed by the blood of Jesus and in Christ I am a new creation. Praise be to God!

Home Visit Tomorrow Morning

2011-07-31T20:36:00.001-07:00

Our adoption application was received and approved! Last Thursday we drove up to Scottsdale for our joint interview and tomorrow morning (Monday) our social worker is coming for our home visit and individual interviews. I am so happy that things are moving along so quickly with our agency here in AZ. After our home visit and interviews, she just has to write everything up, receive our reference letters, and call three of our references. After that our home study will go to the court to be certified. She is working so quickly because she is concerned we will have a problem with USCIS (immigration) as a result of our move. However, our agency has assured us it will not be an issue. I am hoping they are right. She also mentioned she had a family in the past that moved at the same point in the process as us, and they ran into trouble with the Interstate Compact because their home study wasn't yet updated. So anyway because of her concerns, she is working as fast as she can to complete our home study. So hopefully we won't have any delays bringing Joshua home (that is if we ever get EP approval!).

Our social worker is fantastic and I feel really comfortable with her. She adopted from Korea many years ago (her son is now grown and married with children), so she has so much knowledge and experience to share. I must say my feelings are so different from what they were the first time we went through the home study process. I am much less anxious, I guess it helps to know we have been approved once before. :-) But I would still appreciate prayers for everything to go well tomorrow and for our home study to be completed quickly. And of course, please keep praying for Joshua's EP. This delay has NEVER happened in the history of Korean adoption. It is completely unprecedented and no one, including our agency, seems to know why the delay has occurred or when it will be over.

I am trying to keep busy during this wait. Last week John and I went up to his dad's cabin in the mountains for a few days. Joshua's room is almost done (pictures soon!). And I am working on writing up my testimony.

Hoping this week brings good news!

Stronger

2011-07-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

The song Stronger by Mandisa was shared on another site with those of us caught up in this EP mess. I don't think I had ever heard it before, but it has really been ministering to me, especially these lines.

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever

I don't understand why for us building a family is such a long hard process. But I am trying to lay this down before the Lord and trust that He has a plan and a purpose in all this. I am trying not to let fear in; the fear that Joshua is never going to come home has been trying to creep in. But I have to hold on to the hope that he will, in God's perfect timing.

John is still waiting to be credentialed so he can start practicing and because of that he decided to take leave this week. We are going to take some time to get away from it all, so I may not be on the internet much over the next few days.

We continue to ask for your prayers. We are going on week 11 of waiting for Joshua's EP.

Calling All Prayer Warriors

2011-07-20T15:12:00.003-07:00

We need your prayers please. As of tomorrow we have been waiting 10 weeks for Joshua's EP (Emigration Permission) from the Korean government. This usually only takes one month and is the last major hurdle to cross in order to bring him home. Our agency has no idea when they will be issued and hasn't been able to give us much information about the delay (I really do believe they are doing the best they can with what little information they have). Well yesterday, we were finally able to get some understanding of what seems to be going on. See this post from Steve Morrison of MPAK (Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea). On the one hand I am heartbroken over the information, but on the other I am so grateful to finally have some answers. Other agencies have told their families not to expect EP until at least August. Our agency says that's just a rumor and has denied the connection between the EP hold-up and the Ministry's request for documents (post-placement reports) on children who have already come home. However, they did come out with a statement saying they had complied with all the requests of the agency in Korea and the Ministry, meaning to me that the information in MPAK's post is correct. There was a follow-up post (which has been taken down), which only further confirms for me that MPAKs information is correct. I think the agencies in the U.S. may just not be getting all the information or are just not able to share it directly with us.

All that to say, please be praying. Please be praying the Ministry quickly receives all the documents they are requesting from the Korean and U.S. agencies, and for a speedy resolution to this situation. Please be praying that ALL the EPs are released so that Joshua and all the other children can go home to their waiting families. Please also be praying for all the waiting families, as some are having a very hard time right now with this wait and all the uncertainty in this process. I am doing okay, but I must say it gets harder every day. I can't wait to hold my little guy! Every time I look at his most recent pictures my heart just aches.

We need God to move in this situation. We need your prayers.

"For with God nothing shall be impossible." Luke 1:37

Adoption Application - Take 2

2011-07-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

As a result of our move to Arizona, we have to basically redo our adoption home study for the state of Arizona. We are going to be working with Dillon Southwest. I chose them for a number of reasons. First, they also have a Korea program and so they are familiar with doing home studies for Korea. Secondly, I am hoping that they will be able to connect us with other Korean adoptive families. Our social worker already offered to share my info with another family! And lastly when it comes time for #2, we will already have a relationship with them. :-) I don't think we will be able to go through our current agency unless we find a waiting child whose needs we think we can meet who is with Eastern and not SWS. I don't qualify for SWS due to having had counseling in the past.

Anyway, I sent off our application today!!! I am so happy. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. I should be back to blogging more regularly now. I wasn't allowing myself to blog until I completed the application. Truthfully, I hate (I know it's a strong word) doing these applications. And this second time was especially difficult feeling like I had to prove my worth as a parent so close to Joshua being home. I have really tried not to let the process frustrate me and to always keep a positive attitude about it all, but this time it got to me. I am just glad it's done!

The stack!

My hubby humored me by allowing me to take his picture with the application.

We are going on 10 weeks waiting for EP approval (it usually only takes 4 weeks). Hopefully, I will have more news soon. I will be posting a prayer request post about it tomorrow.

8 Weeks Today

2011-07-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Yes, as of today we have been waiting 8 weeks for EP approval. This is our agency's maximum estimate of how long it should take to receive EP approval and passport. The house is now unpacked and almost everything is in its place, just some finishing touches left to do. But I am just ready for my phone to ring. I have been praying we receive EP approval soon and would ask for your prayers as well.

I am trying not to feel anxious about it, but I just want to go get our little boy. The thing is, we still aren't completely ready, I still have some final purchases to make of things we need and I need to finish his room. But I don't even care, which is quite a departure from my usual perfectionism. I am learning to let go and realizing it really will be okay if everything isn't perfect. I know we will make lots of mistakes and we have much to learn about parenting. I am just ready to get started. I want to meet Joshua and start our lives together.

I am also a little worried about our transition and how it will go. Joshua is losing everything he has ever known: his country, his language, and the family who has loved and cared for him since he got out of the NICU. And this is on top of already losing his birth family. When I know a difficult time is coming, I like to face it head on and begin dealing with it as soon as possible. Not that his grief will be a one-time occurrence, most likely it is something we will be helping our son cope with throughout his life as he processes all his losses, but the initial transition period of getting to know each other and bonding as we become a family may be especially difficult. I am just ready to get it started.

Hoping my phone rings very soon with good news!

Our Care Package Arrived - New Pictures!!

2011-06-30T17:55:00.001-07:00

We got new photos yesterday of Joshua with the care package we recently sent. These were taken at his 14 month well-baby checkup. This care package was the one I debated about sending since I had just put it together the day we found out we had been submitted for EP. I am so glad I decided to send it since as it turned out we are still waiting on EP approval (7 weeks as of today). This was such an answer to prayer; I really wanted him to have the recordable book with our picture in it and be able to hear our voices. However, as you can see Joshua seemed to have a preference for two of the other items :-)

Okay, I know I am totally bias, but he is just the cutest!!!!! I can not wait to meet him!

While we were in the midst of our move, our agency emailed me to tell me they had received a couple of pictures. Thankfully, I had just emailed them to tell them not to send anything to our old address. I had placed our mail on hold, but we had a ton of problems with our mail delivery (glad I did because they didn't hold our mail). Anyway, they were able to mail them to our new address. I actually don't know when they were taken, only that they appear to have been taken prior to the 13 month photos I posted here. These are the more formal photos that they send off to get developed and so they take longer to arrive. I don't think they are from his 1 year checkup because the update we received didn't say anything about photos. My best guess is that he is 11 months old, but I really don't know. Oh well, I am just happy we received them and so so happy he is smiling in them.

I am so in love!!! And so very thankful we have received so many photos recently. In the beginning, we weren't receiving any and now we have received 3 different sets just in the last couple of months. I feel beyond blessed by this. It was so hard when we weren't receiving anything.

I don't have much of an update to report regarding the delay with EPs that I mentioned in my last post. According to our agency, there is no break in EPs. They did say, however, that the Ministry (Korean government) has "recognized that it may be difficult to make all the issuances by the end of June 2011." Our agency has a more conservative estimate for EP approval and passport issuance of 4-8 weeks. Maybe this is why our agency made no announcement about all of this, while other agencies had to call their families to let them know that EP wouldn't happen until July. We were submitted on May 12th, so 8 weeks would be July 7th, though we may not be notified until the following week. Once we get EP approval and passport, we have about 3 weeks until travel call. I am actually grateful we had to move; I think I would be going crazy right now if I hadn't had so much to keep me busy. I am hoping for good news soon!

Checking in (and some possible adoption news - unfortunately not the good kind)

2011-06-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am still here. We moved into our house last Thursday and so I was without an internet connection until late Monday night after our household goods were delivered.

All our stuff made it to AZ! Our dining room table has a split in the top of it (barely noticeable), but other than that we had no lost or damaged items. In my book, that is a successful military move!

I am in the midst of unpacking and getting everything set up. John put Joshua's crib together last night :-) I actually have fun setting up and decorating a house, so I am enjoying myself.

I read some potentially devastating news today on the adoption forum. Dillon, who is also partnered with ESWS in Korea, had said that the Ministry has announced that there will be no more EPs issued until July. We have already been waiting 6 weeks for approval. We may now be waiting another month for EP approval, which means we will not travel until at least August and maybe even September. However, there has been no news about this from our agency. I am really hoping it is just a misunderstanding of some sort. I won't believe it until I hear confirmation of it from our agency. I am in shock over the news. I really don't even know what to say about it.

I guess I will just get back to unpacking and hope for the best.

A Brief Update on Joshua

2011-06-14T06:00:00.004-07:00

When we got our most recent pictures, Joshua's height, weight, and head circumference were also included. John had some concern about Joshua's head circumference and emailed our social worker to ask if they could check with his doctor in Korea about it. We got a reply in only a week!

The doctor basically said that his head circumference can't be measured the same way as a full-term baby and since it is increasing in proportion to his weight, he didn't find it concerning.

They also included another little paragraph which said:

JoonSeo is now crawling on his knees and then can move on his own into a sitting position. He sits and plays well with his toys. He holds on and stands up and then moves to the side (cruises). If his birth at 30 weeks is considered, his developmental status is steadily improving. We look forward to JoonSeo growing well with a healthy appearance and hope that he will be able to be in the embrace of his adoptive parents soon.

:-) :-) :-)

Our First Week in AZ - Praise and Prayer Requests

2011-06-13T13:05:00.001-07:00

It looks like we found a house! We signed the lease today and should move in on Wednesday or Thursday of this week. The Lord was definitely merciful and faithful to provide. Monday evening after we got here, we drove around to get the lay of the land and an idea of which neighborhoods would be most ideal. Tuesday morning we began calling places and quickly realized that with it being the moving season for the military population, houses that had been listed for months were flying off the market if they were newer and in one of the safer, more desirable locations. We decided to narrow our search to the southeast side of Tucson where a lot of other military families live. It is still relatively close to the base and within our price range, but farther away from the heavy crime areas that are right near the base.

Our first choice (based on the pictures on the MLS) was already rented, but we were able to get an appointment that afternoon to see our second choice. In the meantime we went to see one other house, but it backed up to a small shopping center that had a lot of vacancies and was in one of the neighborhoods that is closer to the base. One of my biggest criteria was whether I would feel safe in the house by myself when John is deployed, this house just didn't fit the bill. So we drove around a little more looking at some other neighborhoods and then went back to our hotel to wait for our appointment (no one else had called us back on any other houses). We decided that if the house met our needs we would say yes to it. With the rental market being what it is, we couldn't afford to wait for the "perfect" house and so we set a goal of good enough. Anyone who knows me knows that setting a goal of adequate or good enough is quite an accomplishment for my perfectionist self. The house absolutely was good enough, in truth it is more than adequate.

So we basically found our house our first full day in Tucson! It was actually hard to understand why it was still available, it was like the Lord had it waiting for us. The homeowners are upside down (as most everyone is in AZ), so that was concerning, but they have been successfully renting the house for many years. We were also able to get the homeowners to agree to a foreclosure clause requiring them to notify us within 5 days if they are in any stage of foreclosure and allowing us to break the lease without penalty in that case.

Since we found our house so quickly, I was able to begin working on my autobiography for our application for our new home study with Dillon Southwest. Since Joshua isn't yet home with us, we basically have to do a whole new home study in Arizona and then finalize the adoption here. Arizona law requires that the home study be certified by the court so we have to do almost everything all over again. The good news is that it costs 1/3 of what it costs in Maryland and you don't have to hire a lawyer to finalize the adoption; the county lawyer can represent us. I am hoping to have the application complete this week, so that I am free to focus on the house once we get our household goods delivered.

John is taking his certification exam to become a Family Nurse Practitioner as I write this, please be praying for his success. Update - he passed!!!! So proud of my hubby!

I have also been dealing with a very painful back injury and would love prayer for healing. I actually don't know when I injured it, maybe it was just a combination of all the bending and lifting with the move followed by the drive here. By our final day of driving I was in agony and it has only mildly improved since then. It hurts to bend over, it hurts to stand up, it hurts to sit down, and frequently spasms. I have 27 pound little boy to start picking up! I really want to be feeling better very soon!

No news to report on the adoption front. We are going on week 5 of waiting for EP approval, average is 4-6 weeks, so it could be any day now. After that it is another 1-3 weeks until travel call, though I am thinking 3 weeks is more likely based on the fact that the last group took at least 3 weeks and with an October ATK date, we are one of the last families in that group. I am feeling more ready everyday to meet our boy!!!!

We Are "Home"

2011-06-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

2,400 miles later.... and we are "home," or at least at our temporary one at Davis Monthan AFB temporary lodging. It is actually super nice, much nicer than the temporary lodging facility at Eglin AFB (for my friends there who suffered through them)! John checked in at the housing office and unfortunately there is no availability for company grade officers (5 people ahead of us and no one moving out for 30-60 days). So it looks like it will be off-base housing for us. Please be praying we find a place quickly, specifically one in which the homeowner isn't in danger of foreclosure - there is a lot of that out here.

First impressions of AZ: 1) Love the mountains and the desert landscape - just beautiful, 2) A dry heat really does make a difference in how hot it feels (I really dislike humidity), 3) However, the sun is still blazing hot.

What I have learned already: 1) A dirt devil is not just a vacuum cleaner brand, 2) Out here sunglasses aren't just a fashionable accessory, 3) Driving through the crosswinds on the mountain roads should count as exercise, 4) Re-fuel whenever you can because it could be miles before you come across another gas station (thankfully I didn't have to learn this the hard way).

And the house hunt starts........NOW.

On our way to Arizona

2011-06-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

We are on our way to Arizona. All our stuff was put on the truck last Friday and should be on its way to AZ. It may even get there before we do. Since we don't have a house yet, it will be put in storage until we can take delivery of everything. Overall the whole process went well. The only snafu was when the driver showed up with a huge 18-wheeler instead of the small shuttle truck that had been requested. Anyone who has been to our house will immediately understand the problem. Our street has a good amount of traffic and a 30 mph speed limit. It is also a bus route and an emergency route. The truck was blocking one whole lane of traffic and so it was only a matter of time before the police came (thankfully he was able to move it before that happened). Unfortunately, the driver's company had no more trucks available that day and so he had to go rent a small Uhaul and shuttle our stuff in two truckloads to his truck which he left parked in a not so great neighborhood in DC. We will see how it all turns out :-)

When the packers are packing all the stuff, they usually label the box with the contents and whatever room it came from. Most of Joshua's stuff was located in an empty spot in our living room, so I expected the guy to just label it "living room" and I would sort through it later. But once I told him about Joshua he decided to label things differently:

Made me so happy :-))

After everything was loaded on the truck we spent the weekend cleaning. We also got to spend a little time with a few friends. I wish it could have been more. It just all happened so fast. Next thing I knew it was Tuesday and we were in our cars and on our way. We got to my brother's house in Austin, TX last night. We are going to take a break from our 3 days of driving and then get back on the road to arrive in Tucson by Monday in time to go to the military housing office before it closes for the day. I wish we could spend more time in Texas. We have friends and other family here we would love to meet up with (including a few friends I have come to know through blogging) if time permitted. However, we want to get to Tucson as quickly as possible so that we can start getting everything ready for Joshua's homecoming.

It still hasn't hit me that I no longer live in Maryland, that we are really moving - probably a coping mechanism :-).

Why Now Lord?

2011-05-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

I have to confess a struggle I was having after getting the news about EP submission for Joshua. It may not make sense to a lot of people and at the same time I know there are many people who would trade places with me in a heartbeat (especially after all of the devastating news for ESWS and SWS families that has come recently), but I have always tried to be honest and transparent on this blog. So here goes. The truth is after the initial elation, I struggled with "why now Lord?" Why Lord did you make me wait over 6 years to become a mom, and at the one time where I would have hit the 'pause' button, you hit the 'fast forward' button?

I have said that we will travel in July, but the truth is we could travel in June. We just don't know. And it was the thought of June travel that had me freaking out a bit. I kept envisioning us bringing Joshua home to a hotel room after we get our travel call. And I was struggling with a lot of guilt about that. We are taking him from a stable home where he is loved and cared for, and I just really want us to be settled in when we get the call to travel.

Ultimately, I guess what I was really struggling with was laying down my idea of how things were supposed to go, at least according to my plan.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

But obviously the Lord has a different plan, one that requires me to let go of my perfectionism. You see according to my plan, we are supposed to be moved into our house, everything was supposed to be unpacked, the house was supposed to be decorated, and then I would have plenty of time to research and plan our trip to Korea and learn a bit more of the language. And frankly, this still sounds like the best plan to me.

But I don't know everything. And God does. I may not understand why this is the perfect timing, but God does. And so I have to trust. I have to trust that even if things don't happen according to my idea of perfection (and most likely they won't), it will be okay.

I went back to a post I wrote a little while ago on fear, and found this:

We don't just trust God to let us avoid what we fear most. We determine to trust Him no matter what, even if our worst nightmare befalls us (picking up our son is something I am incredibly excited about and grateful for, so please understand my struggle was with the timing).

"If ____, then God will take care of me."

"If ____, then God has a plan."

"If ____, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me."

"If ___, then Gods going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me."

If we get our travel call in June, then God will take care of me (and Joshua).

If we get our travel call in June, then God has a plan.

If we get our travel call in June, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me.

If we get our travel call in June, then Gods going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me.

I also went back to my "statement of trust" that is on the top right of my blog, particularly the part from Isaiah 26:8, "Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

I want the Lord to be glorified through what He brings about in our life. I want things to happen according to His will and timing. And so I pray as Jesus did, "Father, glorify your name!" John 12:28.

What matters is that Joshua will be coming home to us. The rest of it really isn't that important.

Thank you Lord for your perfect timing.

New Pictures!/Care Package #3

2011-05-27T09:46:00.000-07:00

We got a welcomed surprise - our social worker emailed us new pictures yesterday!!! Eastern has promised to start sending more updates and pictures and I heard they now have a digital camera so they can email pictures to families shortly after they are taken. That appears to be the case because the pictures and height/weight info is from his 13 month well-baby checkup which Joshua would have had only days ago. I am so grateful we received this info and the pictures (even though some of them are a little blurry). Seriously, I am not sure I would have recognized Joshua without these new photos. It will also help me with clothing and diaper sizes. Our boy is now 28.5 inches in height and weighs 26.9 pounds. It said "4/2" for teeth, which I think means 4 on top and 2 teeth on the bottom. Height puts him in the 9-12 month size, but weight puts him at 18 month sizes. Any opinions on diaper size, 3 or 4?

He is pictured with the contents of our second care package (the stuffed bear wasn't part of it). Unfortunately, this means he didn't receive it in time for his birthday :-( Oh well, at least he got it.

I had just gotten done putting together a third care package for Joshua when we were notified about EP submission. I debated about whether to send it, but in the end I decided to go ahead because it had a recordable story book with a picture of us on the inside cover. We sent a photo album with our first care package, but since we never got a photo with its contents like the one above I have always worried that he didn't receive it. He probably did, but these photos are such helpful confirmation. Anyway, in case he didn't, I wanted to send the third care package since it has a photo of us and our voices reading the story. Even it he only has it for two weeks before we are there, it still might help in preparing him to recognize us and be familiar with the sound of our voices and my really bad Korean :-). I attempted to say 'hi' and 'I love you' at the beginning on the dedication page. I am praying it reaches him in time.

I got 2 sets of the car pajamas at my shower, so I decided to include the 18 month sized ones, and keep the 24 month sized ones my mom gave me.

Let the Adventure Begin!

2011-05-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

Things have been pretty crazy over the past week.

First, my hubby graduated on Saturday and is now a Family Nurse Practitioner! I am so proud of him. These past 2 years have involved a tremendous amount of hard work, sacrifice, and dedication. During the first year, all John did was go to class and study, and the second year was only a little better. Needless to say, I am so happy to finally have my husband back.

My dad, John and I at dinner that evening

The last of the family members that were in town for John's graduation left today. John and I have been working all day long on packing, sorting, and getting everything ready for the movers who are coming tomorrow. I have been working on getting things cleaned out and organized over the last few weeks since I knew with family in town for the graduation we weren't going to have much time to get ready. They will take two days to pack us and then one day to load everything on the truck, so as of Friday our stuff will be one its way to Arizona. Saturday and Sunday are cleaning days, and we'll have dinner with friends in the evenings. Monday will be a day off to spend with friends and Tuesday after the carpet cleaners finish up, we will hit the road. I am also hoping that somewhere in here we can shop for gifts for Joshua's foster family. It is hard to believe we are leaving in a week. It will take about 40 hours of driving to reach Tucson. We plan on taking a pit stop in Austin over the weekend to give us a break and then we will arrive in Tucson by June 6th. I am so sad to leave our friends here, but I am also beginning to feel excited. I am not sure what the next 3 or 4 years in Arizona will bring, but I am looking forward to finding out because I have a definite sense that the Lord wants us there. Over and over, He confirmed that Tucson was the place He was calling us to.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Let the adventure begin!

In a sun-scorched land...

2011-05-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

As I find myself tempted to worry and fret over whether we will find a house in time, especially with yesterday's great news creating an additional sense of urgency, I realized that I needed to arm myself with the Truth. So I began searching out Bible verses about God's provision and was led to this verse:

"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

Hmmm, a "sun-scorched land," that sounds like Arizona to me :-) .

So I decided that this will be my verse to return to every time I am tempted to worry and be fearful. My Heavenly Father knows all my needs and has promised to meet them "according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19.

"Day by day, and with each passing moment, Strength I find to meet my trials here; Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment, I've no cause for worry or for fear."
Lyrics by Lina Sandell

EP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-05-17T16:08:00.000-07:00

That's right, we were submitted for emigration permission at the end of last week!!!!! I just got the news this afternoon. I was on the phone with one of my sisters when I heard another call. I figured I would just call the person back. Little did I know it was my social worker calling me. I had my email open while I was on the phone and since our social worker didn't reach me she emailed. I started exclaiming, "Oh, my God, Oh my God..." so my sister got to hear the first hand reaction to the news. I was literally shaking. I immediately got off the phone to call John to tell him the good news. I am in total shock. I can't think straight. I really didn't expect this at all. They submitted 17 families to the ministry for EP approval, which was all the September and beginning of October families.

This means we should travel in July to Korea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please be praying we find a house quickly in Arizona or immediately get offered base housing. We will be on the road by the 31st of May.

We Got an Update

2011-05-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

We requested an update on Joshua just before his first birthday in April, specifically asking for developmental information to be included because of his prematurity. We received it last week and I guess I have been mulling it over not sure what to think. We have only received the 2 updates we are allowed to request and one other email informing us our son had been hospitalized at the end of January for bronchiolitis. I know that some people haven't received any updates, so I am trying to be grateful that we received something, but honestly I was a little disappointed that more information wasn't given. Yes, we asked for developmental info to be included, but I wasn't expecting it to be the only info included. There was nothing about likes or dislikes, no info about his personality, no height and weight, and no pictures. It was a translated word document attached to an email from my social worker. Anyway here is what they sent us:

He eats boiled rice with ground vegetables and meat twice a day, cookies/crackers, fruit, pumpkin, sweet potato.

He falls asleep at 10 p.m., wakes at 5:00 a.m. for a feeding of milk, and wakes up for the day at 8:00 a.m.

He gets on his knees in order to crawl. If he’s in a hurry, he pushes himself on his stomach. He grabs onto the bed and pulls himself to his knees. If both of his hands are held, he tries to stand up. If he is put in a sitting position, he sits and plays for quite sometime.

Joon Seo is healthy and doing well. His development is slightly delayed for his age, but considering he was born at 30 weeks and at 1.48kg birthweight, prematurely, he is steadily improving. Tomorrow is Joon Seo’s first birthday. The foster family plans to give him a small party. If they prepare photographs, we will send them to you.

I love the part where it says "if he's in a hurry" - hey, my boys got places to go and people to see :-)

I wasn't expecting to hear that he was walking (though I was kinda hoping), so I wasn't completely caught off-guard by this update. However, I am a little concerned about his development and am frankly unsure of how concerned I should be or even if I should be concerned at all. But it seems like he is a little delayed even for his adjusted age.

We have now used up our 2 update requests, but given our son's developmental delays and the lack of height and weight info, I am hoping we have sufficient justification to make the case for another update in a couple months. Of course, I am always hoping we will be on the receiving end of a spontaneous update and/or pictures, though it has yet to happen. But I will keep praying for it anyways.

Devastating News for ESWS Families

2011-05-10T17:39:00.001-07:00

On Friday our agency (which is partnered with ESWS in Korea) finally received and announced the news regarding the 2011 quota issued by the Korean government. Here are the highlights of the info we were given:

The quota is 10% lower than it was last year.

ESWS has already begun slowing down the number of referrals they distribute to US agencies despite the fact that there are many hundreds of children in care. This is to ensure, going forward long-term, that eventually the wait to travel will decrease. This change, however, will not have an effect on families currently with matches or even those matched within the next year.

Accordingly, the new WAIT TO TRAVEL for any ESWS family matched and whose paperwork went to ESWS after December 1, 2010, is now up to 14 months. ESWS anticipates that if December families cannot travel in 2011, they will be processed through the Ministry right away in January of 2012 along with January 2011 (acceptance paperwork to Korea) families and then be able to travel in February of 2012.

Up to 14 months waiting for your child to come home - this is AFTER being matched and officially accepting (paperwork is sent to Korea) a referral for a child. It is just devastating news and I have been so sad for all those affected. I remember well when we were on the receiving end of such news. I am not sure how many readers I have that have been affected, but please leave me a comment if I can be praying for you.

I am also incredibly sad for the 100's of children in care who may never have forever families due to the decrease in referrals. It is my hope and prayer that the Church in Korea will rise above the stigma of adoption and begin welcoming these children into their families.

With an October ATK (acceptance to Korea), we will travel this year. However, I am unsure of whether our wait time is going to increase. Last year the cutoff to travel was April 1st; those families accepting in April didn't travel until February of this year. But rather than submitting the maximum number of EPs for approval at a time, ESWS spread out EP submissions throughout the rest of 2010 so that the last travel call occurred in December. We are up to August 2010 ATKs for EP submissions (they are waiting for approval). That only leaves September, October, and November ATKs remaining for travel in 2011. If they try to spread us out throughout the rest of 2011, there is simply no way for there not to be an increase in the projected "up to 11 months" wait time. I am taking a wait and see approach. There were a lot of acceptances in September 2010. If at the next EP submission, ESWS breaks the month up into smaller groups for submission, that will be a pretty good indicator of what they intend to do. I am hoping they break with past patterns and allow us all to travel, even if it means there are no families traveling in November or December.

I know the Lord's timing is perfect and so I am resting in that knowledge. It is all out of my control - we will travel when we travel.

Less Than a Month Until the Big Move (to Tucson, AZ!)

2011-05-07T08:35:00.002-07:00

I know I put the news on Facebook, but I don't think I posted it here yet. It is official we are moving to Tucson, AZ. I wonder how long I will live there before I don't have to think about how to spell Tucson ('c' before 's'). Based on how it's pronounced, don't you think it would make sense that the 's' would go before the 'c'? So it appears that 2-4 years of good hair days are in my future.

I have mixed feelings about the move. Part of me loves the adventure and the chance to explore a new area. I feel I haven't lived where I want to live yet (if that makes any sense). So who knows maybe Arizona is the place where we would want to live, though I am pretty sure that place is Colorado even though I have never been there, or maybe Texas :-)

The other part of me is so sad to say good-bye once again. Since we lived in the DC area before we lived in FL, this is the second time we are saying good-bye to many of our friends here. But what I didn't expect with us being in this area for only 2 years was to have to say good-bye to new friends. But we will have to and though it is hard, I wouldn't want to change a thing because we have met some truly wonderful people. It is especially sad to me to be saying good-bye to the friends I have met recently who have or are adopting from Korea because of the bond we share.

It is scary to think about starting over in a completely new area. I have been to Arizona only once before (a work trip to Phoenix), so I really don't know what it's like there. John grew up in New Mexico so he has a greater familiarity with the southwest and is excited about moving back west - he is not a fan of the east coast at all. Being a bit shy and awkward socially, it is also really intimidating to me to make new friends. I find the first year at a new place is often a very lonely time. What makes this upcoming move a bit more difficult for me is that we will be going through it at such a major transition point in our lives as we become parents for the first time. Since John's last 2 years of school have been absolutely crazy and we really haven't gotten to spend much time with each other, I am really hoping we can just use the time while we don't know many people to reconnect with each other. Plus it will make "cocooning" with Joshua during our transition time much easier with less pressure to see friends and family.

There is one really bright spot for me in all this - a true "God thing." When I first posted about our move, mentioning that Arizona was a possibility, Christy left me a comment that she may also be moving to AZ. Not too long after that Grace organized a group of adoptive families (and adoptive families-to-be) to go to the Lunar New Year celebration at KUMC in Virginia. When I found out Christy was going to be there, I had this feeling that I needed to go, that she was someone I was supposed to get to know. Well fast forward till now, and guess what, Christy and I will be living only an hour from each other in AZ! An hour may sound like a lot, but after living in the DC area, I can tell you it is nothing. It takes me an hour due to traffic to meet up with Christy right now. How amazing is this: 2 women connect through blogging, both love the Lord, both live in the DC area, both are adopting from Korea, both are military spouses, and both end up moving to AZ!!!! How cool is that! To know I will have a friend nearby is such a blessing and is really helping to make this move more bearable. I love that we will be able to go to the airport for each other to celebrate our children's homecoming, set up a weekly play date, and just be there to support one another.

I do have a prayer request. We don't have the time or the finances for a house hunting trip right now, so please be praying we find a house quickly once we get out there. The new base housing is very nice, so we put an application in. We are currently #17 out of 18 on the waitlist. Not sure what are chances are of being offered a house in time so please keep us in your prayers.

Adoption Shower #3

2011-05-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I had my final shower, co-hosted by my cousin and one of my friends here in Maryland. These showers have been such a blessing and encouragement to me.

The food was delicious!

My cousin Sarah arranged a scrapbook table and everyone made a page with messages to Joshua. My family also did a scrapbook table at my shower in Florida, but that one is for pictures and is more for me, whereas this one has messages for Joshua. As Joshua meets each person who made a page, I will put a picture of their first meeting on the scrapbook page with the message. Since I still have some pages open, I am going to ask each person in my family to write a message to Joshua to include in the book.

My friends Denise and Elisabeth making their pages

My friend Stephanie (she co-hosted the shower) and I

Elisabeth and I

With my friend Wakettia

Grace, Jen, and I

My former boss and friend Diane

My cousin Sarah and Julie (she is the sister of one of my closest friends - Cindy couldn't be at my shower because she is in India doing anti-human trafficking work)

With my friend Denise

Baby Talk book - thank you Grace!

My Little Man picture frame - thank you Jen!

Wall Hanging - thank you Stephanie!

Aveeno Mommy and Me gift basket and sun shade - thank you Heather!

Cindy purchase this with her sister Julie before she left for India - since she knew we would miss Joshua's first birthday, she wanted us to have a hanbok to celebrate Joshua's next birthday

Isn't it beautiful!!!

I am so grateful for such wonderful family and friends!

Shower #2

2011-04-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

My baby shower with my family in Florida was this past Saturday, which was also Joshua's first birthday. I had a wonderful time. What I loved most was that it wasn't just a shower, but a celebration of Joshua. My mom, stepmom, and sisters did the most amazing job!

The decorations were red and blue, inspired by the S. Korean flag. And of course Joshua was prominently featured.

The favors had red or blue tea light candles with Joshua's birth date and a tin on top that had his picture, which was filled with red and blue M&M's.

"Joshua" confetti!

Scrapbook table - we ended up making a bunch of pages after the shower was over. One of my sisters bought me a beautiful scrapbook for the pages we made.

Another one of my sisters really researched Dol traditions and so she set up the Toljabee as decorations on the table. Unbeknownst to her, one of the items she selected has a very special meaning to us based on the information we were given about Joshua's birthmother.

The food was delicious! There are no Korean restaurants where my parents live, so the menu was a fusion of Asian cuisine. Since I love sushi, that worked for me!!! And no, you don't get to keep the boat. My future sister-in-law asked :-)

After we ate, we played a few games. The one below is called "Baby Love Around the World." You have to match "I love you" with the correct language. I didn't win. But I did get the Korean one right ;-)

After the games, it was time to open gifts. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of everyone. Since I traveled to Florida, the big items were shipped straight to my house and I got to open a card or box with a picture of the item. Here are a few of the other items we received:

The last gift was from my mom and sisters - a total surprise, especially since it was in a "happy birthday" bag.

A gold ring, a traditional Korean 1st birthday gift (the pictures not so great because I was about to cry):

It meant so much to me that my family took the time to learn about Korean traditions and incorporate them into our celebration. I can't wait to be able to tell Joshua about this in the future.

And lastly, the cake (it says God Bless Joshua):

I feel so amazingly blessed!!!

Class B Waiver Request!!!

2011-04-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it! We received an email from our social worker today requesting our Class B waiver!!!!

What does this mean? It means that Joshua had his exit physical in preparation for EP submission! It means that our paperwork is moving! And based on what I have read on the adoption talk forum, it means that we may be submitted for EP (emigration or exit permission) and passport issuance within the next month or so. EP approval can take anywhere from 4-8 weeks, but recently approvals have been taking only 3 weeks. After EP approval and passport issuance, Joshua will have his embassy appearance and interview and then be issued his VISA. This part can take anywhere from 3-5 weeks, though it is usually much, much faster. After that comes our travel call!!! Based on the timelines of other CHSFS/Eastern families, travel call has been coming 2-3 months after the Class B waiver request! If this pattern holds, we could be looking at July for travel rather than August or September!!!

I was literally shaking with shock and excitement after receiving this email. Is this really happening?!?!

Joshua is One!

2011-04-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

It is officially April 23rd in S.Korea, which means our little guy is now one year old.

Happy Birthday Joshua JoonSeo!

We love you so much and can't wait to have you in our arms. We hope you have a wonderful celebration at your dol! We can't wait to see pictures of you in your hanbok.

A Heavy Heart

2011-04-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

I am at another low point in this wait. Nothing is happening and I have no news to report. We hit the 6 month mark on our wait while I was in Turkey. That news should make me happy, we are now over the half-way mark, assuming the maximum wait time of 11 months that we were told. In some ways it does make me happy, but in other ways in makes me incredibly anxious because I want to know WHEN we will travel, especially with our upcoming move (most likely to Tucson, AZ) hanging over my head. I just want to get there already and get settled in to our new house - of course we have to find one first. I keep reminding myself that the Lord's timing is perfect - we will travel at the time we are meant to. I am just hoping the Lord's perfect timing is August :-)

I think the main reason I am having trouble right now is that we haven't had an update on Joshua since we got the news he was hospitalized in January. I feel depressed every time I log-in to the adoption forum I belong to or read other blogs. It seems everyone is getting spontaneous updates (even video) and we have received nothing, which is just so frustrating. We are allowed to request 2 updates; we requested one in the fall shortly after we accepted the referral and I went ahead and emailed our social worker this morning to request a first birthday update. At the last update, Joshua was on track developmentally for his adjusted age, but was far behind what I have seen others reporting from updates on their kiddos. I keep fearing that Joshua hasn't caught up yet and that is why they aren't telling us anything. I know this fear is most likely completely irrational, but unfortunately these thoughts keep popping in my head. Please pray we receive an update and new pictures soon. I am desperate to hear some news about him. I need to know he is more than a figment of my imagination. I need to know how he is doing.

Joshua will turn one on Saturday. The first birthday, called Dol (돌), is a really big deal in Korea, so I am happy Joshua will get to celebrate it in Korea with his foster family. You can read more about this celebration here. While I wish we could have known Joshua during his first year of life, we have so many moments to look forward to with him. But my heart is heavy this week as I think about someone who has lost far more than I - his birthmother. I find myself grieving for her frequently. I can't even think of her without crying. I think often of the terrible pain she must have experienced after he was born when she had to let him go and the agony she has experienced since. No, I don't know for sure what she has or is feeling, but personally I am bothered when others minimize the pain I believe the vast majority of women experience when they are compelled to relinquish a child (whether because of societal or their own personal issues). Okay, I am off my soapbox now.

I will spend this Saturday in Florida surrounded by family and friends at my second shower. I can't help but wonder if she will be alone that day or if she has anyone to share her pain with. All I can do right now is pray for her and later honor her as we raise Joshua, keeping a place for her in our lives always.

Please keep her and Joshua in your prayers this week.

Trip to Turkey - Part 2

2011-04-12T05:00:00.001-07:00

Monday was a day to stay closer to home. We went to the Monday market so that Wendi could get some produce.

That afternoon following a rain storm, I got to jump in a puddle with Elijah - there is something about jumping in a puddle with a 2 year old that is just good for the soul. I love that Wendi is the type of mom that lets her kids jump in puddles (with rain boots of course!). That is definitely the kind of mom I want to be.

Monday evening we had dinner with some of Wendi's friends at a Turkish restaurant in the "alley" - what a great group of ladies. Tuesday, Wendi and I went to Tarsus to see the remnants of the Roman Road, St. Paul's church, St. Paul's well, and a beautiful waterfall where we had lunch.

Wednesday we met up with another friend from Eglin and then had a delicious dinner at Wendi's housekeeper Hatice's house. Having a housekeeper and gardener is strongly encouraged when you are stationed in Turkey to help support the local economy. Thursday we did a little shopping in the "alley" - the alley is basically a bunch of shops and restaurants just outside the base that are largely supported by the base population. Turkey is known for beautiful carpets and they are much, much cheaper than here in the U.S. A hand-made rug was still beyond our budget, but I was able to get a beautiful wool machine-made 5 x 7 carpet for our living room. I didn't get a picture of the one I bought (it is being mailed), but here were 2 of the contenders - so beautiful!

Friday, I headed home. What a great trip! I miss Wendi and her boys already. Isaac and Elijah, your "Beck" misses you!