Joshua Has Something to Tell Ya'll

Back in December at our 3 month post-placement visit for Joshua, we had casually mentioned to our social worker that we were hoping to start the adoption process again next year. On December 28th, exactly one month ago tomorrow, we received the most unexpected phone call from our adoption agency. "This is one of those strange sorta phone calls," she says. Were we serious about wanting to start the process again, she wanted to know. Yes! Well, I have a little boy here and no family that is paperwork ready except you guys. You may remember that we had to do our home study all over again when we moved to AZ. Well as it turned out, this was a HUGE blessing. The only reason we got this phone call was because we had a current approved home study (the initial home study in AZ is good for 18 months). We weren't sure if we would be able to come up with all the finances so quickly, so we asked her for a few days to pray about it and see how God was leading us. God gave us a very clear answer as to how we were to proceed and how He would provide. With God's miraculous provision, we called our social worker on January 1st (she gave us her home number) to tell her we wanted to move forward. She sent over the referral  paperwork that same day. So we started 2012 by seeing the face of our next son for the first time.

We still had some paperwork to do to update our home study plus all the referral acceptance paperwork and we also had to wait for all the funds to become available, but we got everything mailed off on the 14th (they didn't get it till the 17th due to the MLK holiday). Everything got sent to Korea last week, so we should be ATK (acceptance to Korea) very soon if we are not already.

John and I are overjoyed to introduce you to Joshua's little brother:

Jonah RiYoon

Born July 8, 2011

Jonah - Means "Dove" and has the spiritual connotation "Declarer of Joy and Salvation"

RiYoon - A name given to him by his birthmother, made up of a combination of Korean characters

As it turns out Jonah was born at the exact time we were doing the paperwork for our home study in AZ. Our adoption agency is estimating that we will wait approximately 18 months before we are able to travel to Korea to bring him home. Please keep us and Jonah in your prayers as we wait.

Never in my life have I felt the favor of God as I do here. After the phone call, I kept thinking about the verse in the Bible where it talks about God as El Roi, the "God who sees me" (story of Hagar). I know of others who have received these types of phone calls and have secretly always wished to be on the receiving end of one of them. And I know the Lord knows that. Other people dream about miraculous pregnancies, I dream about social workers calling my house - ha! God is good!

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" Psalm 126:3. 

Note: Our new agency discourages publicly sharing photos because of how it may be viewed by Korea. I shared my blog address with Joshua's foster family and I don't know whether or not she shared it with Joshua's social worker in Korea. Jonah has the same social worker in Korea, so I don't want to put pictures of RiYoon here (other than the tiny peek above). However, I have a plan that may allow a large number of my "secret" followers to see a picture, so be on the look out. I will also post a photo on Facebook (I am getting all kinds of weird hits on my blog from sources I don't recognize so I took out my name). I will email those of you whose email addresses I have.

A New Creation

Thanks to all who prayed for our home visit and individual interviews yesterday. It lasted about three and a half hours and I think everything went fairly well. But man did she dig deep into our backgrounds and family history. Our previous social worker mostly stuck with what was in our autobiographies. To say that John and I had difficult childhoods is an understatement. And she really delved into everything.  The thing is if she had not directly asked the questions, I would not have told her some of these things. But when directly asked about something, I knew I needed to be truthful regardless of the consequences. Our pastor had just preached on integrity and how seriously the Lord takes lying this past Sunday.

"The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." Proverbs 12:22 

It was emotionally exhausting. She even said as she was leaving that I might find myself feeling exhausted the rest of the day because it was a lot of "stuff" to bring out. I really appreciated her sensitivity and her assurance that everything was okay and that nothing we told her would be a problem. Convincing myself to take her at her word has been another matter entirely. For the rest of the day I just felt a heaviness in my heart, and an overall feeling of "yuck." I continually had to remind myself of the Truth:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I have been washed by the blood of Jesus and in Christ I am a new creation. Praise be to God!

Home Visit Tomorrow Morning

Our adoption application was received and approved! Last Thursday we drove up to Scottsdale for our joint interview and tomorrow morning (Monday) our social worker is coming for our home visit and individual interviews. I am so happy that things are moving along so quickly with our agency here in AZ. After our  home visit and interviews, she just has to write everything up, receive our reference letters, and call three of our references. After that our home study will go to the court to be certified. She is working so quickly because she is concerned we will have a problem with USCIS (immigration) as a result of our move. However, our agency has assured us it will not be an issue. I am hoping they are right. She also mentioned she had a family in the past that moved at the same point in the process as us, and they ran into trouble with the Interstate Compact because their home study wasn't yet updated. So anyway because of her concerns, she is working as fast as she can to complete our home study. So hopefully we won't have any delays bringing Joshua home (that is if we ever get EP approval!).

Our social worker is fantastic and I feel really comfortable with her. She adopted from Korea many years ago (her son is now grown and married with children), so she has so much knowledge and experience to share. I must say my feelings are so different from what they were the first time we went through the home study process. I am much less anxious, I guess it helps to know we have been approved once before. :-) But I would still appreciate prayers for everything to go well tomorrow and for our home study to be completed quickly. And of course, please keep praying for Joshua's EP. This delay has NEVER happened in the history of Korean adoption. It is completely unprecedented and no one, including our agency, seems to know why the delay has occurred or when it will be over.

I am trying to keep busy during this wait. Last week John and I went up to his dad's cabin in the mountains for a few days. Joshua's room is almost done (pictures soon!). And I am working on writing up my testimony.

Hoping this week brings good news!

Our First Week in AZ - Praise and Prayer Requests

It looks like we found a house! We signed the lease today and should move in on Wednesday or Thursday of this week. The Lord was definitely merciful and faithful to provide. Monday evening after we got here, we drove around to get the lay of the land and an idea of which neighborhoods would be most ideal. Tuesday morning we began calling places and quickly realized that with it being the moving season for the military population, houses that had been listed for months were flying off the market if they were newer and in one of the safer, more desirable locations. We decided to narrow our search to the southeast side of Tucson where a lot of other military families live. It is still relatively close to the base and within our price range, but farther away from the heavy crime areas that are right near the base.

Our first choice (based on the pictures on the MLS) was already rented, but we were able to get an appointment that afternoon to see our second choice. In the meantime we went to see one other house, but it backed up to a small shopping center that had a lot of vacancies and was in one of the neighborhoods that is closer to the base. One of my biggest criteria was whether I would feel safe in the house by myself when John is deployed, this house just didn't fit the bill. So we drove around a little more looking at some other neighborhoods and then went back to our hotel to wait for our appointment (no one else had called us back on any other houses). We decided that if the house met our needs we would say yes to it. With the rental market being what it is, we couldn't afford to wait for the "perfect" house and so we set a goal of good enough. Anyone who knows me knows that setting a goal of adequate or good enough is quite an accomplishment for my perfectionist self. The house absolutely was good enough, in truth it is more than adequate.

So we basically found our house our first full day in Tucson! It was actually hard to understand why it was still available, it was like the Lord had it waiting for us. The homeowners are upside down (as most everyone is in AZ), so that was concerning, but they have been successfully renting the house for many years. We were also able to get the homeowners to agree to a foreclosure clause requiring them to notify us within 5 days if they are in any stage of foreclosure and allowing us to break the lease without penalty in that case.

Since we found our house so quickly, I was able to begin working on my autobiography for our application for our new home study with Dillon Southwest. Since Joshua isn't yet home with us, we basically have to do a whole new home study in Arizona and then finalize the adoption here. Arizona law requires that the home study be certified by the court so we have to do almost everything all over again. The good news is that it costs 1/3 of what it costs in Maryland and you don't have to hire a lawyer to finalize the adoption; the county lawyer can represent us. I am hoping to have the application complete this week, so that I am free to focus on the house once we get our household goods delivered.

John is taking his certification exam to become a Family Nurse Practitioner as I write this, please be praying for his success. Update - he passed!!!! So proud of my hubby!

I have also been dealing with a very painful back injury and would love prayer for healing. I actually don't know when I injured it, maybe it was just a combination of all the bending and lifting with the move followed by the drive here. By our final day of driving I was in agony and it has only mildly improved since then. It hurts to bend over, it hurts to stand up, it hurts to sit down, and frequently spasms. I have 27 pound little boy to start picking up! I really want to be feeling better very soon!

No news to report on the adoption front. We are going on week 5 of waiting for EP approval, average is 4-6 weeks, so it could be any day now. After that it is another 1-3 weeks until travel call, though I am thinking 3 weeks is more likely based on the fact that the last group took at least 3 weeks and with an October ATK date, we are one of the last families in that group. I am feeling more ready everyday to meet our boy!!!!

10 Months Old Today!

Joshua is 10 months old today! It is hard  to believe he will be a year old in just a couple months.

I am wondering how he has changed since the last photo we were given, which is either 2 or 3 months old (the agency didn't have this information or wouldn't go out of their way to get it). I am wondering what new milestones he has reached. And I am just feeling sad today that I am missing them. It is hard to miss so much of his life.

I hope and pray we get another update soon. I have heard of other families getting lots of pictures and even video. While I am happy for those who have received them, it just makes me even more sad that we haven't. One of my most frequent prayers is for us to receive a photo album of pictures of Joshua's life with his foster family in Korea when we travel to Korea. I know they will be so important for him to have. I have heard about 50% of families receive these pictures. Please Lord let us be among them.

In other news, we got all of our paperwork for our home study update turned in last week! We meet with our social worker on Monday for our update interview. That should be it; all in all the update process has been relatively painless. But I would appreciate your prayers for Monday, because you all know I am a worrier :-)

Adoption News/1st Baby Shower

1) Our adoption agency had a waiting families support group meeting for families adopting internationally on the 8th. I ended up going even though my cousin was staying at my house while he was in town visiting (his sister lives here also and the plan was for him to spend the morning with her so I wasn't completely deserting him). My hubby was kind enough to make him breakfast and play host so that I could go to the meeting. That was during the time when I was at a low point emotionally (as I wrote about here) so I just felt like I needed to be there. I think just getting to do something, anything, to make this whole thing feel more real was helpful at that point. There was nothing said that was particularly helpful, I think just knowing that I am not alone was enough. It seemed that there were others that were having an even tougher time with the wait.

I think the best part for me was getting to see Jen and have lunch with her afterward. She had just found out that her son's paperwork was being processed for emigration permission, so it was fun to celebrate this news with her. She should be getting her travel call any day!!! I also got to meet another adoptive mom-to-be who got a referral in December and I am hoping to get together with her very soon. The support of others along this road is so helpful.

2) It is that time again. Has it really been a year already? Yes, we have to update our home study. We have a doctor's appointments on Feb. 2nd, we have requested our driving records from Florida, and we have put in the form to get the background clearance from the state of Maryland. If you remember from the last home study, this was the form that took 9 or 10 weeks, when the one from Florida only took 1 week. It held up the entire process. Hopefully, that won't be the case this time. Other than these items, everything else is pretty simple: some forms to sign, employment letters, and tax and financial information to compile. Unfortunately, they recently doubled the fee from $250 to $500 for an update :-(

3) We got another update on Joshua. The reason we received another one so soon is because he was hospitalized from Dec. 29th - Jan 4th for bronchitis. We didn't find this out until this past Friday, 10 days after he was released from the hospital. According to the update he is doing fine now and is at home with his foster family. I cannot tell you how hard it is to find out your son has been in the hospital. I wish I could have been there to hold him. But the reality is that he doesn't know me. I am not the one who can give him comfort right now. And so I thank God for his foster mother. Please keep him in your prayers as these type of respiratory illnesses are very common in preemies.

4) We finally got new pictures of Joshua!!! You will not believe how cute he is. I will post the pictures as soon as I get the originals so that I can scan them in (they emailed us a PDF with the pictures scanned in).

5) This past Saturday I had my 1st adoption shower!!! This is most likely the 1st of 3 showers. I will also have one with my friends here in Maryland and one with my family in Florida. It felt so surreal. The morning of I was so excited; I kept thinking and even asked John a couple of times, "Is this really happening? Am I really going to an adoption shower. For me? With baby presents?" The shower was held by the ladies from my Apples of Gold Bible study (the one I took part in last fall). It was a bath and book-time shower (though I also got a couple of really cute outfits!).

What I really loved was that it was very Christ-centered. We opened with prayer and delicious food and then afterward everyone shared a favorite bed or bathtime memory or ritual that they did with their kids or from their own childhoods. Then we had a game where we had to pick out safety pins from a bowl of rice with our eyes closed - much more difficult than it sounds. I really appreciated the fact that Kelly (who planned the game) made a great effort to choose a game that was appropriate to adoption (she even gave a short message about how she chose this particular game because it represents us finding our son in spite of all the difficulty and read Romans 8:14-16). And the best part was that whoever won got a prize for me, so either way I couldn't lose. After the game I opened presents and then we had a short devotional.

Lastly, we had a time of prayer for Joshua. Joanna (who organized the shower) made me 31 little prayer cards, one for each day of the month, done on scrapbook paper and then laminated. They are on a ring so that I can hang them up on a hook to have them nearby to pray for Joshua while I am caring for him. One one side of each card is a prayer and on the other the corresponding Scripture. I can't wait to make this gift for other friends. During the prayer time she passed out two of the cards to everyone and we spent time praying them over Joshua and us. It was such a perfect way to end the shower.

And now for a few pics. I didn't include the group shot since I didn't ask if anybody minded if I posted it.

 

 

 

 

 

Look at these train bookends - so cute!

Can you believe I actually have all this baby stuff in my house!!!

Notarized Copy of Home Study Received!

I finally added a "waiting to adopt" ticker to track our waiting time. Hard to believe we have already been waiting almost 3 months for a referral! I actually haven't thought a lot about the waiting time. I think that will happen once we actually have a referral and are waiting for the specific child that will become our child. I think that wait will be agonizing.

We finally received a notarized copy of our home study in the mail today! Now we can file our I600A with U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS). This form is called an "Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition." This basically allows the federal government to give us approval for adoption prior to receiving a referral. Thankfully, it is a short form. We submit it along with our home study, birth certificates, and marriage license. Then we get an appointment for MORE fingerprints. Between getting a government job and going through the adoption process, it will be my third time (and 5th set - one for the FBI and one for the state) of finger prints in a year! After we get a referral, we file an I600, which is called a "Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative." It feels so good to take even this small step forward.

Tomorrow evening, our adoption agency is having a waiting families support group meeting for the Korea program. I am excited (and a little nervous) about it. I am hoping it will give us the opportunity to connect with another couple who has shared our experience with infertility, whether primary or secondary. I remember being very disappointed when we went to the pre-adoption training class. I was expecting there to be other couples like us, but there wasn't. I am sure this wait is hard for everybody, but honestly I really don't think it is the same for someone who has 3 boys who decided to adopt because they really want a girl. I am really not ready or interested in connecting with these families right now. I know this attitude represents some ugliness in my heart, but I want to be honest about what I am feeling on this journey, and not just share the parts that are pretty. I am sure there will come a time when I see one of these families across the room, and there will be an instant recognition and connection based on our shared journey. But I am just not there yet. Right now I feel I could best give and receive support from another couple who has a history of infertility who has/is experiencing many of the same emotions we are.

Please say a prayer for our meeting tomorrow.

P.S. IVF post is coming up - I haven't had a chance to sit down and write it. I know it will take me a little more time to write and I don't want to rush through it.

I'm Still Here

Has it really been 2 weeks since I last updated! Sorry I have been MIA. It has definitely been a busy last couple of weeks. I have a lot of catching up to do! I am planning on picking back up with "Worshipful Wednesday" next week.

In my last post I mentioned I wouldn't be able to blog because John was on a break from school, which was true, but one of the other reasons was because I was planning a surprise birthday dinner party along with another friend for my cousin Sarah (the weekend of the 15th). We decorated my sun room with white lights, flowers, and tons of candles. I think it looked really beautiful and she was totally surprised.

On Sunday after church John and I went to the air show at Andrew's Air Force Base along with one of my friends. It gets me every time they pass super close to each other, like in this video I took.



After the air show we went and ate Korean Chinese food, we had Jajangmyeon. So good! I wish I had taken some pictures (like my friend Joia does).

On Monday, I went to dinner with my cousin on her actual birthday.

After that John and I did some catching up. We really needed it. During this break I realized how hard this past year has been on our relationship. I have had to accept that he is not available to spend time together as much as I would like, but after point you almost get use to it. So during this break, we really had to re-integrate. It made me think about what it will be like when John gets deployed (not that what I am experiencing even compares to deployment). What many people don't realize is that the re-integration period after the deployment is over can be almost as hard as the deployment itself.

On Wednesday we went and saw the movie Robin Hood. It was okay, I would say don't waste your money seeing it in the theater, wait for it on video. Also, as a word of warning, there are some fairly cruel remarks made by the king (who is the "bad guy") about his "barren" wife.

I had my first official training run with Team in Training this past Saturday - 3 miles on the track so that we could get an idea of our pace. I am really slow right now, just under 12 minutes per mile, which is to be expected I suppose considering how sporadic I have been about exercising over this past year. I am hoping to improve to be able to run at about 11 minutes per mile for the 13.1 miles. My goal is really just to finish without walking. I have to admit I have been pretty sore since starting this. Since I signed up pretty late in the process, I wasn't able to do many pre-training runs so I am easing myself into it right now. However, I made the mistake of doing my first two runs (prior to Saturday) in old shoes so unfortunately I have been dealing with a bit of plantar fasciatis already. I had to do the elliptical in place of running for two of my workouts. I got new shoes before the run on Saturday, which seemed to help a lot. I am still doing lot of massages (with golf ball believe it or not), stretches, and ice. I am really hoping I will not end up with an injury that keeps me from running the race.

The of this past weekend was a pretty lazy one, especially since it was cloudy and rainy. Went to church, took naps, and I finally watched the movie, The Kite Runner, which I would highly recommend.

John is back in school and already has a test this Friday and another one next Friday. Only one more year to go.

I finally have some adoption news to update about. Even though we were approved 2 months ago today, we hadn't received a copy of our home study until today. Our social worker is a social work intern in addition to working as a program coordinator at our adoption agency. So between her regular work, the work she is doing as an intern, and some family problems she experienced, I think she has been completely overloaded. So it took her 2 months to finish writing up our home study. I was actually okay with it, but I could tell she felt really bad. She sent us a draft today for us to make any necessary corrections. She also said that after consulting with her supervisor she felt that we would best be served by transferring us to a full time social worker. I am a little disappointed because I really liked her. And to be truthful it makes me a little nervous. I have irrational fears about our new social worker looking at our file, and saying "Are you crazy, you approved THESE people!" I know this probably won't happen, but I think these types of feelings are fairly common in the adoption process.

Anyway, that's all for now. I am looking forward to spending some time catching up with all of my blogging friends this weekend. These last couple of weeks have brought some great joy and some great sorrow. So I am both rejoicing and mourning (Rom 12:15).

My Struggle with Waiting for Approval

Now that we are basically through the home study process, I can definitely look back and say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I actually loved the process of preparation and the growth that occurred. I was able to look back at my life and see how a number of things had prepared me to be a better adoptive parent. I loved learning about the differences with adoptive parenting and some of the different strategies that are available.

But I wanted to explain why the process was such a struggle for me, especially since I now have several blog friends who are beginning the process. It is probably obvious from things I have written in the past that I had a lot of anxiety about the home study process. It was actually the thing I feared the most when we were first considering adoption. You see for most of my life, I struggled with feeling not good enough. It stems from events in my childhood, but it was a struggle that continued into my adulthood. When I became a Christian (almost 8 years ago to the day!), the Lord began the process of healing me. My identity became rooted in Christ; my adequacy and significance were now from Him. I actually wrote about this in my very first blog post. I was set free from needing the approval of others. I was set free from having to be worthy, because Christ is worthy. It is His righteous, not mine. But you see, the very nature of the adoption process requires that you open your life up to someone else's judgment. I felt like I had to open myself up to see if they would find me worthy, worthy to do something I want so much. And I was afraid I would be found wanting. My old fears resurfaced.

I was truly afraid we would not be approved and we would never be parents. John had to frequently assure me that my fears were unfounded. I think one of the things I was concerned about was a legitimate concern. I have been to a counselor in the past and I even took an anti-depressant for pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder (for me the medication only made things worse). Korea generally does not approve of mental health care. But thankfully the counseling occurred long enough ago that it did not disqualify me. I also went to a counseling pastor at my church more recently (2008/2009) because of infertility and the miscarriage, but they didn't count that since it was at my church.

I wasn't expecting our social worker to tell us we were approved when she did. I was both surprised and relieved. I realized as we were talking that day, that she wasn't trying to judge me or see if I was "good enough." They aren't expecting perfect people with perfect childhoods. I realize now that they are only looking to see that you have learned and grown as a result of your life experiences and are prepared to parent.

So if you are at the beginning of this process, do not fear! You will get through it! It is so worth it knowing that you are preparing for your child. You will be stronger, more knowledgeable, and better prepared to parent. It really is as much about preparation as it is determining if you are qualified.