This past Tuesday we received some very difficult adoption news. The first and more difficult part involves Jonah's legal relinquishment. A new law went into effect in Korea this past August that requires a seven day waiting period after birth before relinquishment papers can be signed. I completely support this, and in fact think an even longer time period for international adoption would be appropriate. Jonah was relinquished prior to this law, but the judges in Korea have decided that all adoptions will be held to the standard of the new law. Therefore, Jonah's birth mom will be contacted to relinquish her parental rights again.
This news has been devastating. I understand why it is necessary given that there was no waiting period after relinquishment under the old law. I am one hundred percent supportive of children remaining with their first parents and I really don't want Jonah's mom to experience the loss of her child. My heart aches at the thought. I have shed many tears thinking about her and Joshua's first mom. But on the other hand, I am so scared of losing the child that I have dreamed of for over a year now. We have loved him, prayed for him, watched him grow up in pictures, checked our email repeatedly after we know he has been in for his monthly check-up, eaten dinner with his picture, told Joshua all about him, and celebrated his first birthday. It is hard to imagine our family without him in it. Losing him would be worse than my miscarriage. Yet we never really had him; he isn't ours in any legal sense. We have no right to him. I get that, I really do. It is just hard to hope and believe he will come home now. Already, I know of two families who have lost the children they thought would be part of their families after their birth moms were contacted. It is unclear as to exactly when in the process birth moms will be contacted. I am praying it is as soon as possible.
The second part is that both John and I will have to appear in court in Korea. This blog post from MPAK sheds more light on all this http://mpakusa.blogspot.com/2013/02/korea-update-issue-on-travel.html#comment-form.We were initially told that the family court step would be reviewing our case to make sure that the relinquishment was legal, but now it appears that they will also be checking to make sure that we are suitable parents. There is talk that instead of the three business that are currently required, we may be required to stay for three to four weeks in Korea. The unexpected financial impact of this is huge as Seoul is a very expensive city. After we appear in court and assuming we receive approval, there is a 14 day waiting period in which an appeal could be made. After that the judges ruling would become final. However, it is being reported that Jonah's birth mom would be allowed to step forward to reclaim him during this 14 day waiting period. Honestly, I can't even fathom this. The first families to go to court aren't scheduled to go until April. At this point I couldn't even guess when we will be submitted for EP, and then after approval, go to court. It is now a very real possibility that Jonah will turn two in Korea.
In many ways we are in a better position then most if the travel would be three weeks because the military gives a very generous 21 days for the purpose of adoption. However, it would be very difficult for it to extend beyond that. Plus, John would have zero time to be at home bonding with Jonah.
The other challenge is that Joshua has only been home for 18 months and is not ready to be left overnight with anyone, especially for such an extended amount of time. Doing so would seriously jeopardize the attachment we have worked very hard to build. We would have no choice but to take him to Korea with us, but we are unsure if he is emotionally ready for that either. And having a three year old in Korea for a month - yikes! We had planned on me traveling and John staying home with Joshua.
I have been feeling completely discouraged, but I received great encouragement today from my mom to press on and believe that Jonah is coming home. We desperately need your prayers over this situation.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Car Seat Advice
I need some car seat advice. We have a Britax
Roundabout 55 for Joshua. The specifications say it is good up to 46
inches in height. However, Joshua is now 37 inches and is getting close
to the one inch from the top of the car seat limit. I can't see how it
will be possible for him to grow another 9 inches and still fit in this
car seat (unless he only grows in his legs!). So I am thinking we will use
our current car seat for Jonah and get another one for Joshua. Anyone have any
recommendations? Has this happened to anyone else with this car seat. I would like to buy one car seat that will work until we can switch to a booster.
I am even taking that annoying "prove you are a person" thing off to make it easier to comment. Sorry I will have to put it back on though because I always get all kinds of crazy spam when I don't have it on.
I am even taking that annoying "prove you are a person" thing off to make it easier to comment. Sorry I will have to put it back on though because I always get all kinds of crazy spam when I don't have it on.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Watch my brother's Bully Free video!
So proud of my brother Robert. He wrote and performed this song, then put the video together with the help of his wife. Check it out!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Adoption Update and New Pictures
The year started off with some excitement on the adoption front when news came that half of the last group from 2012 (they should have actually traveled last year) finally had EP approval and would be submitted for court review under the new law in Korea (prior to this new law we did not have to go through a court review process, only EP). I think we all had high hopes that the court review process would move quickly and that the first group for 2013 would be submitted for EP approval; we anticipate being in this first group. But there has been nothing, no word at all, and no confirmation on what, if any, new paperwork the Korean courts would like. I have heard lots of rumors about this from Holt families, but we have had no confirmation of anything. So just as quickly, hopes have fallen - such is the emotional roller coaster that is international adoption.
Part of the issue appears to be that the Korean courts have never done adoptions before so all of the judges and lawyers need to get up to speed on the process.There has been a suggestion made that Korea allow all of us who accepted a referral prior to the new law going into effect be allowed to skip the court review step, which would allow adoption to continue on without the delay this new step is causing. It is a long shot, but our God is a God of miracles, please be praying with me about this, that somehow this court review step begin to move forward either because it is eliminated (temporarily) or because the courts quickly determine the process and necessary paperwork.
One of the potential new pieces of paperwork that may be required is a Certificate of Citizenship (COC) for Joshua. Technically, he became a U.S. citizen as soon as his adoption was finalized. However, at the federal level he is not listed as a citizen until we pay $550 and file a bunch of paperwork, and 6-12 months later we get a piece of paper. Because of the cost we had been waiting to file for this until some funds came in; we are in the process of doing all the paperwork now, but obviously with the current processing time frames we won't have Joshua's COC before being submitted for court review. We will receive a document that states our paperwork has been received, so please pray that this doesn't cause us any issues and that the Korean government will be satisfied with a receipt notice.
We really need your prayers right now:
1) For the adoption process to move forward
2) For the court review step to be worked out
3) For us to have all the necessary paperwork including the COC issue
4) For Jonah to be able to stay with his current foster family (we haven't had an issue so far, but the longer
the wait, the more likely it is a problem could arise that requires him to change to a new foster family)
5) Prepare our hearts and home for Jonah's homecoming, especially Joshua's who at the mention of his little brother tells me "bye" meaning he wants him to go bye-bye; also for me - part of me can't wait to meet my next son, but part of me is so afraid of going through another difficult adoption transition
6) To prepare Jonah's heart and for God's protection upon it - Jonah is now 18 months old and has lived with his foster family for 16 months; this will be an incredible loss for him
7) For us to rest in God's timing; one of the things I have been praying about is that if Jonah's homecoming could occur during a developmental window that would make the transition easier for him, to let it be at that time
We have been blessed with new photos of Jonah almost every month (skipped April and August - though we received his first birthday pictures in August). I am so grateful for these photos, whether and how often you receive them depends on your social worker in Korea. Our social worker has been really wonderful, but unfortunately she has recently left the agency. I am hoping our new social worker continues to send photos every month.
Jonah is now 18 months old, he weighs about 23 pounds and is 32 inches tall.
Hard to believe it has now been over a year since we first saw this sweet face and a year and 5 days since our paperwork went to Korea. For comparison, we were in Korea meeting Joshua for the first time exactly one year from when we first saw his picture and 11 months from when our paperwork was sent over. We in all likelihood still have several more months of waiting. I have all but given up hope of traveling in March. At this point, I am hoping for April.
Part of the issue appears to be that the Korean courts have never done adoptions before so all of the judges and lawyers need to get up to speed on the process.There has been a suggestion made that Korea allow all of us who accepted a referral prior to the new law going into effect be allowed to skip the court review step, which would allow adoption to continue on without the delay this new step is causing. It is a long shot, but our God is a God of miracles, please be praying with me about this, that somehow this court review step begin to move forward either because it is eliminated (temporarily) or because the courts quickly determine the process and necessary paperwork.
One of the potential new pieces of paperwork that may be required is a Certificate of Citizenship (COC) for Joshua. Technically, he became a U.S. citizen as soon as his adoption was finalized. However, at the federal level he is not listed as a citizen until we pay $550 and file a bunch of paperwork, and 6-12 months later we get a piece of paper. Because of the cost we had been waiting to file for this until some funds came in; we are in the process of doing all the paperwork now, but obviously with the current processing time frames we won't have Joshua's COC before being submitted for court review. We will receive a document that states our paperwork has been received, so please pray that this doesn't cause us any issues and that the Korean government will be satisfied with a receipt notice.
We really need your prayers right now:
1) For the adoption process to move forward
2) For the court review step to be worked out
3) For us to have all the necessary paperwork including the COC issue
4) For Jonah to be able to stay with his current foster family (we haven't had an issue so far, but the longer
the wait, the more likely it is a problem could arise that requires him to change to a new foster family)
5) Prepare our hearts and home for Jonah's homecoming, especially Joshua's who at the mention of his little brother tells me "bye" meaning he wants him to go bye-bye; also for me - part of me can't wait to meet my next son, but part of me is so afraid of going through another difficult adoption transition
6) To prepare Jonah's heart and for God's protection upon it - Jonah is now 18 months old and has lived with his foster family for 16 months; this will be an incredible loss for him
7) For us to rest in God's timing; one of the things I have been praying about is that if Jonah's homecoming could occur during a developmental window that would make the transition easier for him, to let it be at that time
We have been blessed with new photos of Jonah almost every month (skipped April and August - though we received his first birthday pictures in August). I am so grateful for these photos, whether and how often you receive them depends on your social worker in Korea. Our social worker has been really wonderful, but unfortunately she has recently left the agency. I am hoping our new social worker continues to send photos every month.
Jonah is now 18 months old, he weighs about 23 pounds and is 32 inches tall.
Hard to believe it has now been over a year since we first saw this sweet face and a year and 5 days since our paperwork went to Korea. For comparison, we were in Korea meeting Joshua for the first time exactly one year from when we first saw his picture and 11 months from when our paperwork was sent over. We in all likelihood still have several more months of waiting. I have all but given up hope of traveling in March. At this point, I am hoping for April.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Big News!!!
First, I want to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
We had a busy and joy-filled holiday season. We spent Thanksgiving with friends, had a visit from my mom in early December, worked on photo book projects for the grandparents, celebrated Christmas at home, and then went to visit John's sister and her family in San Diego over the New Year holiday.
There is a reason this Christmas was especially joyful for our family. It is because we were celebrating the amazing news we received right before Thanksgiving. John's deployment was cancelled!!!!
I was completely shocked when John called to tell me. I kept asking him, "Is this for real?" He already had his orders and flight arranged. He had even been to some of his pre-deployment training and was just days away from leaving for more training. A cancellation at this point is highly unusual. I think it took 2 weeks or more for the news to finally sink in; I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to be re-tasked. But it didn't and he hasn't been. As of now, John is not scheduled to be deployed again, obviously this can change at any moment in the military, but for now we are rejoicing that he is home with us.
When we received the news back in August, we were absolutely heartbroken. Deploying at this time would mean John would have missed Jonah’s homecoming from Korea and would not meet his second son until after his 2nd birthday. In addition, it would mean that I would have the incredibly difficult task of going through the transition period with Jonah by myself, a time when he will likely be grieving hard and adjusting to such a traumatic change. Due to the need to establish a secure attachment with us first, I wouldn’t have been able to allow anyone else to help care for him during this time. Needless to say, we felt completely overwhelmed and unsure of how we would get through this. All we could do was put it in the Lord’s hands; we felt certain He was at work in our situation and knew we were not to fight this. We desired God’s will and trusted that He would work things out for His glory and see us through this situation. That was our prayer.
In addition, many other people were praying for us, my mom’s church, family members, friends, my friend Wendi’s mom along with her team of intercessors, and pretty much anybody who heard about our situation.
But never in a million years would we have guessed how God would work things out! He answered in the most miraculous way and we are so grateful.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21
The question I have been asked most often is "why?" The truth is we can't really give any earthly reason as to why; we don't really have an explanation. It is God's grace and mercy. Not only was there Jonah's homecoming, but there was the issue of John's safety. We found out that John was tasked to be a part of team that would be going "outside the wire" as it's often called, which is incredibly dangerous and is how most non-combatants are killed. I honestly feel like God spared John's life. In addition, based on the behavior that we saw from Joshua after John returned from training, we believe that a deployment would have been seriously damaging to John and Joshua's relationship. Joshua was very close to his foster father in Korea and therefore has had a difficult time bonding to John (attachment was difficult for both of us, but more so with John).
There are some who are inclined to think that it is because President Obama was re-elected; I have no idea whether that was an direct or indirect factor or not. But what I can tell you is that God has been moving the hearts of kings and leaders for thousands of years (see Ezra 1:1) in order to accomplish His purposes. What I can also tell you is that 2 more people in John's clinic have been tasked to deploy (not because John's was cancelled) and I know of others who husbands have just recently deployed.
I also want to be clear about something else. I don't believe this happened because we had the right number of people praying, "gave it all up to God," prayed just the right prayer, or anything else. So often you hear people say how they just did ________ and boom, their prayer was answered - they had a miracle pregnancy, got married, found a job, got healed, etc. Having been on the receiving end of this type of statement during our years of waiting for a child, I know how painful it can be to hear this, as if we are the ones in control and if you just do this, your problem will be solved. Sometimes you pray, surrender, ask others to pray with you, give it all up to God, and then God says no. It is not because of anything you did or didn't do, it is because God in His sovereignty said that was not His plan for you, at least right now. I don't know why we received this miracle; we feel completely undeserving of it. We are grateful and humbled by it. It did not happen because we did just the right thing, it was God in His sovereignty working out his plan. If you are facing the deployment of your spouse or family member, please know my heart and my prayers are with you. I don't mean to cause you more pain in sharing our news. I only want to give thanks to God and tell of His "wonderful deeds" because this was all Him.
"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.” Psalm 9:1
We had a busy and joy-filled holiday season. We spent Thanksgiving with friends, had a visit from my mom in early December, worked on photo book projects for the grandparents, celebrated Christmas at home, and then went to visit John's sister and her family in San Diego over the New Year holiday.
There is a reason this Christmas was especially joyful for our family. It is because we were celebrating the amazing news we received right before Thanksgiving. John's deployment was cancelled!!!!
I was completely shocked when John called to tell me. I kept asking him, "Is this for real?" He already had his orders and flight arranged. He had even been to some of his pre-deployment training and was just days away from leaving for more training. A cancellation at this point is highly unusual. I think it took 2 weeks or more for the news to finally sink in; I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to be re-tasked. But it didn't and he hasn't been. As of now, John is not scheduled to be deployed again, obviously this can change at any moment in the military, but for now we are rejoicing that he is home with us.
When we received the news back in August, we were absolutely heartbroken. Deploying at this time would mean John would have missed Jonah’s homecoming from Korea and would not meet his second son until after his 2nd birthday. In addition, it would mean that I would have the incredibly difficult task of going through the transition period with Jonah by myself, a time when he will likely be grieving hard and adjusting to such a traumatic change. Due to the need to establish a secure attachment with us first, I wouldn’t have been able to allow anyone else to help care for him during this time. Needless to say, we felt completely overwhelmed and unsure of how we would get through this. All we could do was put it in the Lord’s hands; we felt certain He was at work in our situation and knew we were not to fight this. We desired God’s will and trusted that He would work things out for His glory and see us through this situation. That was our prayer.
In addition, many other people were praying for us, my mom’s church, family members, friends, my friend Wendi’s mom along with her team of intercessors, and pretty much anybody who heard about our situation.
But never in a million years would we have guessed how God would work things out! He answered in the most miraculous way and we are so grateful.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21
The question I have been asked most often is "why?" The truth is we can't really give any earthly reason as to why; we don't really have an explanation. It is God's grace and mercy. Not only was there Jonah's homecoming, but there was the issue of John's safety. We found out that John was tasked to be a part of team that would be going "outside the wire" as it's often called, which is incredibly dangerous and is how most non-combatants are killed. I honestly feel like God spared John's life. In addition, based on the behavior that we saw from Joshua after John returned from training, we believe that a deployment would have been seriously damaging to John and Joshua's relationship. Joshua was very close to his foster father in Korea and therefore has had a difficult time bonding to John (attachment was difficult for both of us, but more so with John).
There are some who are inclined to think that it is because President Obama was re-elected; I have no idea whether that was an direct or indirect factor or not. But what I can tell you is that God has been moving the hearts of kings and leaders for thousands of years (see Ezra 1:1) in order to accomplish His purposes. What I can also tell you is that 2 more people in John's clinic have been tasked to deploy (not because John's was cancelled) and I know of others who husbands have just recently deployed.
I also want to be clear about something else. I don't believe this happened because we had the right number of people praying, "gave it all up to God," prayed just the right prayer, or anything else. So often you hear people say how they just did ________ and boom, their prayer was answered - they had a miracle pregnancy, got married, found a job, got healed, etc. Having been on the receiving end of this type of statement during our years of waiting for a child, I know how painful it can be to hear this, as if we are the ones in control and if you just do this, your problem will be solved. Sometimes you pray, surrender, ask others to pray with you, give it all up to God, and then God says no. It is not because of anything you did or didn't do, it is because God in His sovereignty said that was not His plan for you, at least right now. I don't know why we received this miracle; we feel completely undeserving of it. We are grateful and humbled by it. It did not happen because we did just the right thing, it was God in His sovereignty working out his plan. If you are facing the deployment of your spouse or family member, please know my heart and my prayers are with you. I don't mean to cause you more pain in sharing our news. I only want to give thanks to God and tell of His "wonderful deeds" because this was all Him.
"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.” Psalm 9:1
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
A Dream Come True
During our years of waiting to become parents, one of the hardest times for me was the start of fall. That's when everyone starts posting all the adorable pictures of their kids at the pumpkin patch. I am not sure why these were so hard for me, maybe because fall is my favorite time of year. But each year my heart would ache and I would dream of just maybe someday taking a trip to the pumpkin patch with my own child.
Last year, Joshua was newly home, but because this was something I had always wanted to do, I pushed to go, a big mistake. It was pretty much a disaster. Joshua clung to me in absolute fear. How I wish I could go back and tell the me of one year ago to just be patient, the time would come. In fact, I would tell any adoptive family with a newly home child to give it at least 6 months to a year (and sometimes it is much longer), until then have your expectations around holidays low, don't push to do things your child may not be ready for, and don't compare yourselves to the other families that traveled around the same time as you. I wish I had known these things back then.
But what a difference a year makes. Our day could not have been more perfect; it was almost magical. It was actually quite chilly the morning we went, making it actually feel like fall here in Arizona! It was also quite windy, which wasn't so great for my hair, as you will see in the pictures below. But it didn't matter. Joshua loved it and we had a great time. He is obsessed with anything green right now, so he kept pointing to the green (unripe) pumpkins and saying, "green, green, green." Thankfully, he didn't get upset when I told him we couldn't get a green one, we had to get an orange one.
Here is our day in pictures, warning be prepared for picture overload!
Riding out to the pumpkin patch on the tractor:
Heading out to the patch:
Picking out our pumpkin:
Picture with mommy:
Heading back with our pumpkins:
Family photo:
Pumpkin carving:
Pumpkin #2:
Posing with the pumpkin he picked out, picked because it had green :-)
And here with the finished product:
It was completely unintentional, but our pumpkins actually represent our family of three very well, don't you think? It was a day dreams are made of with the little boy who is "immeasurable more" than I ever dreamed.
I am so very blessed.
Last year, Joshua was newly home, but because this was something I had always wanted to do, I pushed to go, a big mistake. It was pretty much a disaster. Joshua clung to me in absolute fear. How I wish I could go back and tell the me of one year ago to just be patient, the time would come. In fact, I would tell any adoptive family with a newly home child to give it at least 6 months to a year (and sometimes it is much longer), until then have your expectations around holidays low, don't push to do things your child may not be ready for, and don't compare yourselves to the other families that traveled around the same time as you. I wish I had known these things back then.
But what a difference a year makes. Our day could not have been more perfect; it was almost magical. It was actually quite chilly the morning we went, making it actually feel like fall here in Arizona! It was also quite windy, which wasn't so great for my hair, as you will see in the pictures below. But it didn't matter. Joshua loved it and we had a great time. He is obsessed with anything green right now, so he kept pointing to the green (unripe) pumpkins and saying, "green, green, green." Thankfully, he didn't get upset when I told him we couldn't get a green one, we had to get an orange one.
Here is our day in pictures, warning be prepared for picture overload!
Riding out to the pumpkin patch on the tractor:
Picking out our pumpkin:
Picture with mommy:
Heading back with our pumpkins:
Family photo:
Pumpkin #2:
(This is his "cheese" - shoulders raised, tongue up)
It was completely unintentional, but our pumpkins actually represent our family of three very well, don't you think? It was a day dreams are made of with the little boy who is "immeasurable more" than I ever dreamed.
I am so very blessed.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Update on Jonah!
In October we got an update and new pictures of Jonah! He is doing really well.
At 15 months old, he weighs 21.8 pounds and is 31 inches tall - such a peanut compared to Joshua who weighed 30 pounds at 30 inches. He has 4 upper and 2 lower teeth.
He drinks 6-7 oz of formula 3-4 times per day. He eats rice, soft bread, banana, and yogurt. And then it says, "amount of less eating." Something tells me this is intended to say he is a picky eater :-)
He gets 1 bath a day, which he likes, and takes 2 naps a day. At night he sleeps from 10pm to 7 or 8am in the morning.
The rest of the update is in the form of a checklist, Jonah does the following:
-Walks and runs
- Says "no" meaningfully
- Says "umma" and "mamma" meaningfully (mamma means food in Korean)
- Uses single word sentences
- Shows understanding of words
- Points with index finger at body parts or to express needs
- Gives toy to familiar adult spontaneously
- Imitates adult behavior
- Plays ball cooperatively
- Turns pages of a book
- Scribbles with a pen
- Puts 3 or more objects into a container
- Brings spoon to mouth
- Holds and drinks from a cup with some spilling
- Builds tower using two cubes
- Follows simple errands
- Finds hidden objects
Then it states that RiYoon is without issues in the loving care of his foster family and it describes him as smart and sweet.
It's crazy reading this for me; Joshua didn't do most of these things until much much later (past 20 months old). Joshua and Jonah are 14 and a half months apart, but developmentally they will be much closer than that. I kind of feel like I will have twins, which is something I always wanted.
These pictures just about did me in, Jonah looks so big. But he sure does look like a little sweetheart, especially in the second picture - love his little smile.
At 15 months old, he weighs 21.8 pounds and is 31 inches tall - such a peanut compared to Joshua who weighed 30 pounds at 30 inches. He has 4 upper and 2 lower teeth.
He drinks 6-7 oz of formula 3-4 times per day. He eats rice, soft bread, banana, and yogurt. And then it says, "amount of less eating." Something tells me this is intended to say he is a picky eater :-)
He gets 1 bath a day, which he likes, and takes 2 naps a day. At night he sleeps from 10pm to 7 or 8am in the morning.
The rest of the update is in the form of a checklist, Jonah does the following:
-Walks and runs
- Says "no" meaningfully
- Says "umma" and "mamma" meaningfully (mamma means food in Korean)
- Uses single word sentences
- Shows understanding of words
- Points with index finger at body parts or to express needs
- Gives toy to familiar adult spontaneously
- Imitates adult behavior
- Plays ball cooperatively
- Turns pages of a book
- Scribbles with a pen
- Puts 3 or more objects into a container
- Brings spoon to mouth
- Holds and drinks from a cup with some spilling
- Builds tower using two cubes
- Follows simple errands
- Finds hidden objects
Then it states that RiYoon is without issues in the loving care of his foster family and it describes him as smart and sweet.
It's crazy reading this for me; Joshua didn't do most of these things until much much later (past 20 months old). Joshua and Jonah are 14 and a half months apart, but developmentally they will be much closer than that. I kind of feel like I will have twins, which is something I always wanted.
These pictures just about did me in, Jonah looks so big. But he sure does look like a little sweetheart, especially in the second picture - love his little smile.
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