Friday, October 26, 2012


I have struggled to write this post so much, I don't want it to be real I guess. Plus, I have a tendency to shutdown after difficult news, often withdrawing from family and friends and finding it difficult to write for a while.

We found out in August that John is going to be deployed to Afghanistan. Orders are now in hand, so any hope we had of it being canceled is now gone. I can't get into specifics as far as exactly when and where, but I will say that in all likelihood he will miss Jonah's homecoming. Even now, I can't write this without starting to cry. Jonah will be two before he meets his daddy.

To say this news devastated me feels like an understatement. I am heartbroken over it.

I wrote the following to a few friends the day after we received the news. It captures my feelings well.
I am so so scared of going through the transition period when Jonah is grieving hard and adjusting by myself. I still haven't written about everything we went through with Joshua, but it was REALLY HARD, especially the first 5 months. I really don't know how I am going to do it by myself. Never have I felt less capable or up to something in my life. We had a middle of the road transition experience with Joshua, not the most difficult, but most certainly not the easiest. I am asking God for His great mercy in this for an easy transition with Jonah. When he first comes home, I won't be able to allow anyone else to help with Jonah for bonding purposes, so if he is up screaming and crying, it is going to be all me. I need your prayers, for strength, for comfort, for peace. I just can't believe John won't be here to experience this with me. I am heartbroken that John won't get to meet his son for several months at least. And I don't know how we are going to transition to being a family of four once John is home.

I don't really know what else to say. I am sad. I am scared, for John's safety, for the bond between John and Joshua, for how Jonah will transition and how he will respond to daddy coming home.

As I have so often in the past, I sought comfort from the Lord through His word; He immediately led me to Psalm 29:11,

 "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

I believe it is His promise to me during this time. I really have never felt less capable of anything in my life, but I believe that God is faithful and He will supply all that I need during this time.

We would be so thankful for your prayers for our family and for John's safety.


Kortney said...

Oh my gosh, Becky, I had tears just reading your post. I can only imagine the overwhelming emotions you must be feeling. All I can say is I will be praying for your family.

GrandmaDe said...

Becky, you are stronger than you imagine - just think of all the trials God has already brought you through. He will be with you for this one too! I honestly think it might be a bit easier for Jonah because Joshua is already home with you - hope I'm right. Know that you are loved and being lifted in prayer - for you and your little boys and for John's safety too.

Niki said...

Oh goodness. I guess there was reason to be praying for you. Although this is NOT the news I was hoping to hear when you said you would update your blog. Continuing to lift your family in prayer.

Wendi Kitsteiner said...

You know I am praying. What I do know is that you, of all people WILL do this. I know you will. It will be hard but I see you as being SO capable! (That doesn't as you well know, change the fact that it S-U-C-K-S!)

Bless you sister.

thewonderfulhappens said...

Oh Becky, this is very hard news, and I am so sorry. I will be praying for y'all.

Stacey said...

Oh Becky. This post just makes my heart ache. I'm so sorry you're facing so many unknowns right now. Know these things, though: God's got all of you in His hands; You are an amazing mom and you will get through this; and I'm praying for you, John, and your precious boys. Thinking of you so much, my friend.

Steve Finnell said...

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KalaS said...

I am so sorry. Please know that you will have the prayers of so many - including me.

hannah naomi said...

Oh Becky, you have been through so much, I can't imagine how you are feeling but wish I could give you a big hug... He is with you and you are His! Isaiah 43:1-7 Love you and will pray for you.

Stephanie said...

Thanks for being honest about your fear, your sadness. I'll be praying for you in the coming months - for strength, for smooth transitions, for daily surprises of mercy & joy.

Liz A. said...

Praying for you and your family. Please keep us posted and let people know what help you need. We are not too far away in Phx...a fellow DSW family.

Liz A. said...

Praying for you and your family. Please keep us posted and let people know what help you need. We are not too far away in Phx...a fellow DSW family.