Worshipful Wednesday #1

During this time of waiting and uncertainty, I think it is more important than ever to spend time praising God. Right before my first IVF cycle, my mom came to visit me and brought the movie Facing the Giants with her. She actually had no idea that the movie had an infertility subplot and was the perfect movie for me to watch at the start of treatment (though I do think they wrapped up the infertility subplot a little too neatly). One of the main messages I took from the movie was to praise God, whether we win or lose, whether a cycle is positive or negative, no matter the outcome, praise God.

At we set out on a new course towards adoption, I once again sense the need to spend some intentional time in praise and worship.

This was confirmed for me by my co-worker. A few weeks ago, I was telling her something about our adoption and she told me she had received a word from the Lord that morning and based on what I was telling her, she felt like it was meant for me. She said,

"Don't wait till the battle is over, praise Him now."

Don't wait until the adoption is finalized. Don't wait until we have a referral, travel orders, or anything else. I need to praise God now for what He has already brought about up to this point. I need to praise God for who He is. Because He is worthy of all praise. God inhabits the praise of His people and fills us with joy in His presence. And so I want to start what I hope will be a regular post from here on called "Worshipful Wednesday."

I believe one of the main purposes of my life is to declare the praises of Him who called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).

Eight years ago just this past March, I committed my life to the Lord. Prior to that my life was in a downward spiral of self-destruction. I lived without God and without hope. But the Lord took hold of me. He lifted me out of the pit, He took me out of my downward spiral and set my feet upon the Rock (Psalm 40). Where there was once self-destruction, there is now restoration. Where there was brokenness, there is now healing. Where there was despair, there is now hope. Where there was condemnation, there is now none (Romans 8:1). I was once lost, but now I am "found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ" Phil 3:9. I was lonely, but now I know God is with me always and has promised to never leave me or forsake me (Isaiah 43:2, Hebrews 13:5). I was once held captive to sin, but now I have been redeemed.

And so in this first Worshipful Wednesday, I give praise to the One who redeemed my life.

Psalm 103

¹ Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

² Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

³ who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

⁶ The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

¹⁵ As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.

²¹ Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

²² Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have much to be thankful for despite the difficulties and loss of this past year.

Last year at this time I was in the midst of my 2ww following my first IVF cycle. That cycle came to a devastating end, but it was followed by a time of healing that brought peace and closure to many old wounds and for that I am very thankful.

This past year we said a difficult good-bye to amazing friends in Florida, and were reunited with old friends here in Maryland. I am so thankful for our friends, our small group, and our church family in Florida. Not sure I would have made it through this past year if not for them. I miss you all so much! I am thankful for the friends I already had in Maryland, a support network waiting for me as soon as I got here.

This past year we let go of the dream of a child half me and half John, but then we began the exciting journey of international adoption.

This past year I had to put my dream of being a stay at home mom on hold. But the Lord provided me with a job before I even started searching, even in this economy. For that I am grateful. My salary is how we are funding our adoption and paying John's parents back for the money we spent on infertility treatment.

This past year I began to work with an organization that supports North Korean refugees. I have experienced unimaginable joy in this work and I am so grateful the Lord has allowed me to be a part of His work. I have begun to see how God is redeeming the greatest hurts of my life and using them for good.

This past year we returned to the church where we were married. I am looking forward to reconnecting with old friends and making new ones as we become part of this local body of Christ.

This past year John and I have grown even closer together and have learned to find the humor in every circumstance. I am so thankful for my best friend.

This past year I learned what it meant to be "joyful in God my Savior" Habakkuk 3:18. This verse is one of my friend Wendi's favorite verses and one she relied on during her battle with infertility.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

To be honest when I first heard this verse it didn't resonate with me. But after we lost Johannah, when I was in my darkest hour, broken, and unable to imagine how God would allow us to lose a baby we had tried to conceive for four years, I came to understand this verse. Because no matter what has happened or will will happen in the future, there is one truth to take hold of - God is my Savior. I need never again to doubt His love for me no matter what happens because the Cross fully demonstrated His love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8. He died that I might have life, and have it abundantly. He died that I may enter into a relationship with my Father in heaven. He died so that an exchange may take place, my sin for His righteous, so that I could stand before the Lord God cleansed of all my sin. How amazing is this! I would listen to "There is a Fountain" over and over again and be filled with unspeakable joy as I reflected on this truth, "There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel's veins; and sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains." I will simply never get over God's amazing grace; what He has done for us is astounding and I am forever grateful.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! (Updated)

As I look back over this past year, I find many things I am thankful for:

1. First and foremost: My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
2. A wonderful, loving husband who also knows the Lord - my heart aches for so many women I know whose husbands are not believers
   
3. Family and the many new friends we have met this past year - our first year here in Florida was a pretty lonely one
   
4. A church family and especially the small group at FUMC Niceville that we became apart of this year
   
5. Being able to serve God with my hubby in a local ministry that feeds the poor and as small group facilitators - I had prayed for J and I to be able to serve God together for a couple of years - God brought it about this past year
6. Serving in BSF and Alpha course - God used these to show me His plans were so much better than my own. He taught me more about His sovereignty, His provision - He knows what my greatest need truly is and He will always meet it, and about surrendering to His will.
   
7. What God has taught me through infertility (though I hope it will end soon) - I am thankful because I have drawn closer to God and my husband through it and because God has used it to teach me so much about who He is through this experience. Sometimes I wish He would have chosen another way to teach me these things, but He knows I would not have learned them any other way. He knew I needed a deeper understanding of His grace and forgiveness. He knew I needed to give up control of my life, my plans, and my will. Oswald Chambers said that everyone has their own personal Gethsemane, I think infertility has been mine. He knew I needed to trust Him and to know that He is trustworthy. I needed to know that God is Good and that His love for me is unfailing. And now I do know these things.