Prayers Answered - No Court Appearance!!!

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who joined us in prayer after my last post, whether you left a comment or not, we so appreciate the prayers, blog comments, emails, and Facebook messages. I could literally feel your prayers and the Lord gave me much peace about everything in spite of the circumstances. I could sense He was at work and would work everything out to His glory.

There was supposed to be a meeting the week after my last post (on March 5th) between the Korean adoption agencies and the Family Court. However, we found out on the evening of March 4th (Korea is 16 hours ahead of us), that the meeting was cancelled and two of the three judges were replaced and a fourth judge was added. I went to bed feeling discouraged and defeated. Just a day prior to that, our community group had prayed for us and this meeting. It was one of those Spirit moving, tears being shed times of prayer where you go away just knowing God is at work. I thought that great news would follow after the meeting took place. And then it was cancelled.

The next morning I woke up and was able to have some quiet time with the Lord. Side note here, this was possible because Joshua has been sick and slept until 8am. I don't want to give the impression that I am a super spiritual, super mom who gets up every morning before Joshua wakes up to have my quiet time, though I would love for this to be so. The truth is I have really struggled to have a regular quiet time since becoming a mom. Anyway, I was reading in Exodus and came across these verses:

But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:13-14

I sensed the Lord telling me that these previous judges were the "Egyptians," that they were not favorably inclined toward international adoption, and that their replacement was an answer to prayer. It was interesting to read the MPAK blog post and see that Steve also felt confident that the issue of the extended stay in Korea would be a "no brainer" for these new judges and that he had a strong sense that the new court would agree to a solution that would require us to be in Korea for only a week.

Well, God has answered!!!!!!!!

We found out today that the new judges have decided that we don't need to appear in Family Court. Our paperwork will go to the court and once we are given approval, we will travel after the VISA is issued just as before, and stay about a week. We weren't told yet whether both parents would be required to travel, but I wouldn't think so since there is no longer a reason it would be necessary. This is a huge answer to prayer!!! I can't imagine having to go to Korea and waiting 14 days before the court decision is final, not knowing whether we will actually bring Jonah home. Plus, John would have had no time at home with Jonah, it would have been incredibly difficult financially, and it would have been potentially very traumatic for Joshua.

I don't believe there has been any change as far as recontacting birth moms, but I have to say that I recently had an opportunity to watch a documentary called "Mercy, Mercy" about adoption from Ethiopia that reframed my thinking on this subject. You can watch it here: http://youtu.be/bTirNtngWTE, but fair warning it is one of the most horrific things I have ever seen. However, it NEEDS to be watched by everyone in the adoption community. This isn't just an isolated case; this is what all too often happens when potential adoptive parents rush in to adopt from a particular country because with them comes large amounts of money. Too often this leads to corruption and the manufacturing of orphans (it happened in Guatemala and now it's happening in Ethiopia). The children in this documentary didn't get a "better life" by being adopted; they belong with their biological parents. Adoption should be about finding families for children who truly NEED a family, not finding children for families who want them. So I look at this situation with Jonah's birth mom as an opportunity to ensure that adoption is truly what she wants for him; it is an opportunity to make sure that his adoption is ethical.

Hopefully, this process will finally begin to move forward. We would appreciate your continued prayers!

Pictures!

I am hoping to have a chance to write a follow up to my post about sleep issues soon - this week just hasn't given me the opportunity yet. But just a note, I was not offended by any of the comments or advice. We are doing so much better and dare I say it Joshua has actually been sleeping through the night for several nights (with the exception of last night which I think was because he had to get 2 shots yesterday at the doctor). The turnaround is truly miraculous and I believe an answer to prayer. To those who have been praying for us, thank you!!!!

And now finally some pictures. I will probably do several catch up post of just pictures. These are from September  8-11th. We have some serious drool action due to teething, which was actually way more apparent in these pictures.

EP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, we were submitted for emigration permission at the end of last week!!!!! I just got the news this afternoon. I was on the phone with one of my sisters when I heard another call. I figured I would just call the person back. Little did I know it was my social worker calling me. I had my email open while I was on the phone and since our social worker didn't reach me she emailed. I started exclaiming, "Oh, my God, Oh my God..." so my sister got to hear the first hand reaction to the news. I was literally  shaking. I immediately got off the phone to call John to tell him the good news. I am in total shock. I can't think straight. I really didn't expect this at all. They submitted 17 families to the ministry for EP approval, which was all the September and beginning of October families.

This means we should travel in July to Korea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please be praying we find a house quickly in Arizona or immediately get offered base housing. We will be on the road by the 31st of May.

We Got an Update

We requested an update on Joshua just before his first birthday in April, specifically asking for developmental information to be included because of his prematurity. We received it last week and I guess I have been mulling it over not sure what to think. We have only received the 2 updates we are allowed to request and one other email informing us our son had been hospitalized at the end of January for bronchiolitis. I know that some people haven't received any updates, so I am trying to be grateful that we received something, but honestly I was a little disappointed that more information wasn't given. Yes, we asked for developmental info to be included, but I wasn't expecting it to be the only info included. There was nothing about likes or dislikes, no info about his personality, no height and weight, and no pictures. It was a translated word document attached to an email from my social worker. Anyway here is what they sent us:

He eats boiled rice with ground vegetables and meat twice a day, cookies/crackers, fruit, pumpkin, sweet potato.

He falls asleep at 10 p.m., wakes at 5:00 a.m. for a feeding of milk, and wakes up for the day at 8:00 a.m.

He gets on his knees in order to crawl. If he’s in a hurry, he pushes himself on his stomach. He grabs onto the bed and pulls himself to his knees. If both of his hands are held, he tries to stand up. If he is put in a sitting position, he sits and plays for quite sometime.

Joon Seo is healthy and doing well. His development is slightly delayed for his age, but considering he was born at 30 weeks and at 1.48kg birthweight, prematurely, he is steadily improving. Tomorrow is Joon Seo’s first birthday. The foster family plans to give him a small party. If they prepare photographs, we will send them to you.

I love the part where it says "if he's in a hurry" - hey, my boys got places to go and people to see :-)

I wasn't expecting to hear that he was walking (though I was kinda hoping), so I wasn't completely caught off-guard by this update. However, I am a little concerned about his development and am frankly unsure of how concerned I should be or even if I should be concerned at all. But it seems like he is a little delayed even for his adjusted age.

We have now used up our 2 update requests, but given our son's developmental delays and the lack of height and weight info, I am hoping we have sufficient justification to make the case for another update in a couple months. Of course, I am always hoping we will be on the receiving end of a spontaneous update and/or pictures, though it has yet to happen. But I will keep praying for it anyways.

Devastating News for ESWS Families

On Friday our agency (which is partnered with ESWS in Korea) finally received and announced the news regarding the 2011 quota issued by the Korean government. Here are the highlights of the info we were given:

• The quota is 10% lower than it was last year.   

• ESWS has already begun slowing down the number of referrals they distribute to US agencies despite the fact that there are many hundreds of children in care.  This is to ensure, going forward long-term, that eventually the wait to travel will decrease.  This change, however, will not have an effect on families currently with matches or even those matched within the next year.  

• Accordingly, the new WAIT TO TRAVEL for any ESWS family matched and whose paperwork went to ESWS after December 1, 2010, is now up to 14 months.  ESWS anticipates that if December families cannot travel in 2011, they will be processed through the Ministry right away in January of 2012 along with January 2011 (acceptance paperwork to Korea) families and then be able to travel in February of 2012. 

Up to 14 months waiting for your child to come home - this is AFTER being matched and officially accepting (paperwork is sent to Korea) a referral for a child. It is just devastating news and I have been so sad for all those affected. I remember well when we were on the receiving end of such news. I am not sure how many readers I have that have been affected, but please leave me a comment if I can be praying for you.

I am also incredibly sad for the 100's of children in care who may never have forever families due to the decrease in referrals. It is my hope and prayer that the Church in Korea will rise above the stigma of adoption and begin welcoming these children into their families.

With an October ATK (acceptance to Korea), we will travel this year. However, I am unsure of whether our wait time is going to increase. Last year the cutoff to travel was April 1st; those families accepting in April didn't travel until February of this year. But rather than submitting the maximum number of EPs for approval at a time, ESWS spread out EP submissions throughout the rest of 2010 so that the last travel call occurred in December. We are up to August 2010 ATKs for EP submissions (they are waiting for approval). That only leaves September, October, and November ATKs remaining for travel in 2011. If they try to spread us out throughout the rest of 2011, there is simply no way for there not to be an increase in the projected "up to 11 months" wait time. I am taking a wait and see approach. There were a lot of acceptances in September 2010. If at the next EP submission, ESWS breaks the month up into smaller groups for submission, that will be a pretty good indicator of what they intend to do. I am hoping they break with past patterns and allow us all to travel, even if it means there are no families traveling in November or December.

I know the Lord's timing is perfect and so I am resting in that knowledge. It is all out of my control - we will travel when we travel.

Praying for Your Children

Lisa asked me to post a picture of the prayer card ring I was given at my 1st baby shower and I am finally getting around to posting a few pictures. I believe they are done on scrapbook paper and then laminated.

Each card has a prayer on the front and on the back is the corresponding scripture. There are 31 cards total, one for each day of the month. The first one says, "Our prayers for Joshua JoonSeo" (on the back is Col 4:2 "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with {an attitude of} thanksgiving." Here are the prayers and the corresponding scripture references:

1. That he "would obtain salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory" early in life - 2 Timothy 2:10
2. For God's guidance in his life - Psalm 119:105
3. To be strong & courageous in his character and his actions - Deuteronomy 31:6
4. For his parents to have wisdom & discernment in training - Proverbs 22:6
5. To love obedience & justice - Psalm 11:7 & Micah  6:8
6. That he will be faithful - Luke 19:17
7. To be rich in good deeds, generous, and willing to share - 1 Timothy 6:18
8. To learn the secret of being content in every situation - Philippians  4:12-13
9. That he will hate sin - Hebrews 3:13
10. For his future spouse - Proverbs 18:22
11. That he will learn to regard your Word as more precious than gold and sweeter than honey - Psalm 19:10
12. That he will respect those in authority - Romans 13:1
13. To learn to live a life of love, through the Spirit who lives in him - Ephesians 5:2
14. To persevere in all he does, and help him run with perseverance the race set before him - Hebrews 12:1
15. To have  a love for and commitment to family - Deuteronomy 6:5-7
16. To make every effort to do what leads to peace - Romans 12:18, 14:19
17. That he will grow in and extend to others the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ - 2 Peter 3:18
18. For God's abiding protection in his life - Numbers 6:24-26
19. To know joy and laughter that comes from the Holy Spirit - Proverbs 17:22
20. To develop a servant's heart that he may serve wholeheartedly - Ephesians 6:7
21. For wisdom to choose friends wisely - Proverbs 27:17
22. To find security and confidence in the Lord - Proverbs 3:5-6
23. For an understanding and appreciation of his own unique gifts and personality - Ephesians 2:10
24. That he will learn to be alert and have self - control - 1 Thessalonians 5:6
25. To be kind and gentle - 1 Thessalonians 5:15
26. To fight the good fight of faith, taking hold of the eternal life to which he is called - 1 Timothy 6:12
27. For emotional and physical purity - Psalm 51:10
28. To overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit - Romans 15:13
29. To have compassion for others - Colossians 3:12
30. To be responsible, for each one should carry his own load - Galatians 6:5
31. To show true humility towards all - Titus 3:2

These are the ones given to me, but they could easily be modified or other scriptures could be substituted. I see these prayers as a jumping off point to pray for Joshua and not some rote thing to recite every day. Many times as I am praying for Joshua, I see my own shortcomings (which are many) and find myself praying that these things would first be true of John and I, that we may be able to model a life that is glorifying and pleasing to God for Joshua.

I think it makes a wonderful gift, so hopefully others will find this useful.

It is never too early to start praying for your children (or future children in a step of faith)!

2010 International Day of Prayer

Today is the 2010 International Day of Prayer for the persecuted Church.

For the past year I have had the privilege of being part of a weekly prayer meeting to pray for North Korean refugees here in the United States and for the people of North Korea.

North Korea tops Open Doors' World Watch List again in 2010, as it has every year since 2002 as the country where Christians are most persecuted. According to Open Doors, 

"There is no other country in the world where Christians are being persecuted in such a horrible and systematic manner," says Carl Moeller, President/CEO of Open Doors USA.

One expert on North Korea stated: "Christians are the target of fierce government action, and once caught, are not regarded as human. Last year we had evidence that some [of those captured] were used as guinea pigs to test chemical and biological weapons." 

 This video gives a brief overview of the humans rights crisis in North Korea.



The following is from Open Doors:

"North Korea is a country close to my heart. Nowhere in the world are Christians persecuted with such hatred and violence. Nowhere are people so misled by the 'father of lies' than in North Korea. I love every North Korean. I pray desperately that they will know that it is not 'father' Kim Il-Sung who is taking care of them, but Jesus Christ." – Brother John

Brother John supervises the work of Open Doors in North Korea, and his words are a reminder of the importance of praying for North Korean believers. "What North Korean Christians know is that thousands of people pray every day for them," he explains. "We told them that. It encourages them in a way that is indescribable."

As Christians around the globe unite in prayer, we know that our combined prayers are powerful and effective. North Korean defectors who have escaped to South Korea have specifically asked that Christians pray during North Korea Freedom Week because prayer is the most important way we can support those who suffer.

As Open Doors' founder Brother Andrew says, "If we want to leave an indelible mark on the world, there is no more powerful way to do it than by joining in God's purposes through prayer. Our prayers can go where we cannot. While many things may seem impossible from a human standpoint, in the realm of prayer there are no impossibilities."

Beyond all the talk about nuclear weapons, there are people. People who are suffering. People who are imprisoned. People who are starving. People who are publicly executed. Will you join me in praying for North Korea?

The following prayer guide is also from Open Doors:

Prayer for North Korea

DAY 1. Pray for the prisoners

"However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed but praise God that you bear that name." - 1 Peter 4:16
It is estimated that there are 200,000 people in prison camps in North Korea. Between 50–70,000 are Christians. Prisoners are exposed to severe violations of human rights, such as torture, execution, use of humans for weapons testing. Many die from starvation and overwork.

1. Pray for the closure of the prison camps and the release of the captives
2. Ask God to sustain the 50–70,000 Christians in prison camps
3. Pray that they would be a witness to their fellow-prisoners.

DAY 2. Pray for the hungry

"They were hungry and thirsty and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and he delivered them from their distress." - Psalm 107:5,6
In 2008, food production dropped for the third year in a row. In the coming year, 40% of the population will be dependent on food aid. Between 2 and 4 million people have starved to death since 1995.

1. Pray that the harvest will be large this year. Pray for a miraculous multiplication of food for the hungry
2. Give thanks that in 2009 Open Doors was able to help more people
3. Ask God to bless Open Doors' food distribution project. Pray for safety for those who deliver the food.

DAY 3. Pray for the church

"Therefore stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord" - 1 Corinthians 15:58
The proclamation of the Gospel is strictly forbidden. A few 'show churches' are used to convince outsiders there is 'freedom of religion' in the country. Despite the dangers, an underground church has developed. Christians meet together in secret for Bible studies and training courses.

1. Give thanks for the courage and perseverance of Christians who continue to meet together to teach and encourage one another
2. Pray for the safe delivery of Bibles and Christian literature
3. Pray that those attending state churches will gain insight into the truth.

DAY 4. Pray for a breakthrough

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." - Ephesians 6:12
Kim Jong-Il is holding fast to his idea that North Korea is 'paradise on earth'. He recently demonstrated his 'goodwill' by releasing two American journalists and opening the border with South Korea so that Korean family members can be reunited. Despite these attempts at rapprochement, political negotiations with North Korea remain a challenge.

1. Pray that the Lord will change Kim Jong-Il's heart and bring him to repentance
2. Pray that people will see through the lie of idolatry and turn to the living God
3. Pray for revival in North Korea.

DAY 5. Pray for families

"You will be secure because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety." - Job 11:18
Many parents in North Korea cannot provide the basic resources of food and shelter that their families need. Many children have been abandoned. Families where one or more parents have been imprisoned have enormous difficulty surviving.

1. Pray for Christian families who share the little they have with others. Pray for God's abundant provision in their lives
2. Pray that God will comfort and provide for the families of Christians who have been imprisoned
   
3. Pray that Christian families in prison will have opportunities for fellowship and will feel the love of Jesus in spite of their situation.

DAY 6. Pray for justice

"But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!" - Amos 5:24
When Christian escapees are caught they are often publicly executed as an example to others. Strict control over all aspects of people's lives means that no one can speak out for justice without severe retribution.

1. Pray for an end to the barbaric practice of public and private executions
2. Pray for Christian lawyers, journalists and civil activists to speak out boldly for freedom of religion in North Korea
3. Pray for those without rights and resources, that they would know the love of Jesus and see justice restored.

DAY 7. Pray for evangelism

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message." - John 17:20
Pyongyang was once called the 'Jerusalem of the East'. Nowadays the watchful eyes of the government
ensure that any known Christians are persecuted with more cruelty, hatred and violence than anywhere
else in the world.

1. Pray for Christians to find supernatural strength to reach out to their neighbours with Christ's love
2. Pray that Christians who travel into North Korea to conduct business would have opportunities and boldness to share the hope of the Gospel
3. Pray that the work of mission groups and individuals serving North Korean Christians will be Christ-centred and glorifying to God.

A prayer for persecuted believers

Almighty God, ruler of nations, We bring before you the people of North Korea.
You are the God who provides: give food to those who are hungry.
You are the God who rescues: bring freedom to the captives.
You are the Father to the fatherless: protect those who are vulnerable.
We remember especially those who are paying a high price for following Jesus.
Give strength to those who are in prison.
May they know your grace sustaining them.
Give courage to those who continue to meet to worship you despite the dangers.
May they find hope in your Word.
Living Lord, we pray that your kingdom would come in North Korea.
Let its citizens be governed with justice: may your people worship you in freedom.
We ask this for the glory of your name,
Amen.

"We should pray and not lose heart"

Just a quick update. We had a good time in Richmond - stayed at a very nice hotel, had a wonderful dinner, saw a very funny play (based on a Mark Twain story), and toured the capitol and a few sites in downtown Richmond. However, I will have to say that we will do a little more research in the future about the city we are visiting next time. I don't won't to offend anyone by saying this, but parts of Richmond are scary. It's nice, and then a block over kinda scary. It definitely added some tension to the trip :(

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day. I know there were several of my blogging friends who were celebrating their very first Mother's Day and I hope you all had wonderful days.

The fact that Sunday would have been my first Mother's Day was a thought I had been trying to avoid. But it came crashing in on me after reading another blog of someone who also would have been celebrating their first. I had a good cry, but I refused to allow myself to dwell in that place for long, thinking about what could have been. It isn't going to change anything.

John is on a short break from school, so I probably won't be posting much over this next week. We only have a week and a half until he starts his summer term.

I want to leave you with a quote about prayer from an article in my Perspectives class (my last class was last week). The article is "Prayer: Rebelling Against the Status Quo" by David Wells. This quote has stuck with me since I first read it and it has really encouraged me to pray. While I believe God works infertility for good as He has promised (Rom 8:28), I don't believe it is "normal" or as God originally established things.

"What is the nature of petitionary prayer? It is, in essence, rebellion —rebellion against the world in its fallenness, the absolute and undying refusal to accept as normal what is pervasively abnormal. It is, in this its negative aspect, the refusal of every agenda, every scheme, every interpretation that is at odds with the norm as originally established by God."

So I hope you will be encouraged to "pray and not lose heart" (Luke 18:1) about infertility or whatever issue you are struggling with right now.

An Update in Eight

1) I can't believe I haven't updated in a week! It was that time of the month, so I was feeling pretty tired this past week. It is still hard. Every month. It starts and I think I guess there is not going to be a miracle this month. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't believe in miracles.

2) Our visit with our house guests went well despite the unexpected news. They ended up staying until Thursday (last Thursday, not today). I found out they hadn't told anybody about their pregnancy so it wasn't just us. Not sure why. Hopefully, I didn't out their pregnancy on my blog. A friend who knows them didn't know who I was talking about so hopefully no one else knew either. However, it will be pretty difficult to hide it if that is their intention since the baby bump is getting pretty obvious.

3) I am doing better as far as the other unexpected news we received. Even though it is not much longer (about 6 months longer than we were expecting), it feels like it is so far off now. John actually told me he was sorry he said it was okay for us to be excited :( I think he is having as hard a time with it as I am. He said he almost threw away my Adoptive Families magazine away when it arrived. He copes by getting angry, I get sad. I am trying to adjust my attitude and embrace this waiting time. I have several things I am thinking about doing over this next year. I will post about them very soon. I am going to an information meeting about one of them tonight so I want to wait until I get more information before putting it "out there."

4) I do have to brag on my husband. John just finished his first year of school to become a family nurse practitioner. One more year to go! He finished this first year with a 4.0 GPA!!! The Friday before last, he was inducted into Sigma Theta Tau International - The Honor Society of Nursing. And just yesterday, he found out that he was selected as the most outstanding 1st year FNP student. I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard over this past year and it is wonderful to see his hard work recognized. Here are a couple pics from the induction ceremony.



5) My position at work is being converted from a contract position to a government position, which means more pay and much better benefits, especially in regards to vacation and sick days. Previously, I had no sick days at all and only 10 vacation days. This didn't sound too bad until I had to take a week of unpaid leave when the federal government shut down this past winter because of the blizzard. I am excited to be able to save more money towards our adoption and also be able to continue to pay my in-laws back for the money they loaned us for infertility treatment. I think I would be a little bitter about all the money we spent, but because we were part of the shared risk program, we got almost $16,000 back which was the start of our adoption fund.

6) On Saturday, I was able to attend a Prayer Rally for North Korea. It is exciting to see how God is uniting together many ministries and churches (especially Korean churches) together for His purposes for North Korea. At the beginning of the day we had a time of prayer for repentance and healing (how can we ask God to work out something in North Korea when we have a log in our own eye). An invitation to come up and be prayed for was given and initially I didn't think I would go. But then they mentioned how it is difficult to love others when you are doubting God's love for you. Infertility has taken its toll on me in many ways. Sometimes I really struggle to believe God is at work in my situation. I was sitting there feeling overwhelmed by so many emotions - doubting God's love, doubting His plan, hurting, and wanting so much to have more faith to believe. So I decided to go up to receive prayer. A pastor (though I didn't know he was a pastor at the time) and another gentleman laid hands on me and prayed. It was truly amazing. I didn't say anything to them and yet they prayed for everything I had been thinking. The first gentleman prayed for God to show His glory (actually he said this many times), for God to show His love to me in a tangible way, for more faith, and for healing from the pain. Then I was totally blown away when the pastor prayed for me. He said he saw me as a little girl who the heavenly Father was delighting in. Though I stumble and fall at times, He smiles at me, even laughs, He is so happy with me, and He knows I am trying. How I wish I could capture everything he said because he gave me the most beautiful picture of my heavenly Father, one that was much needed. I had a view of God as critical and judging of all my faults and I have not found it easy to shake this idea even though intellectually I know it is untrue. This picture of God as a loving Father who is cheering me on and delighting in me even when I fall down is radically different. It reminded me of a loving father who is watching his little one learn to walk. He doesn't get angry when the child falls down. He smiles, he encourages, he laughs, he delights. I never was able to wrap my mind around this picture of God before. I believe this pastor gave me a beautiful gift. When I have failed this past week, my mind has returned to this picture of God - still loving me, still delighting in me.

Then the first gentleman prayed again and said he had a clear vision of me riding a horse in a green pasture. I am not sure what to make of this one. What comes to mind is being carefree and at peace. Interesting considering that is what I have been seeking. I want to be free of this pain of infertility and pregnancy loss. I want and desperately need Christ's peace and healing. At the end they both said that they felt like that day was the beginning of a new day in my life. I am still pondering their words.

7) To be truthful, it was difficult to focus my prayers on North Korea. My mind kept returning to God's plan for us as far as children. This was partly not my fault because for some reason the subject of adoption came up repeatedly throughout this meeting, either in the context of our spiritual adoption or in regards to the orphans in North Korea and Northeast China (also North Korean children). In fact someone even specifically prayed for an opening up of adoption for the children in Northeast China. To be honest I was thinking it would never happen, but then I read that in fact a bill had already been introduced by Sen. Sam Brownback to allow for these adoptions. Definitely felt my heart stirring on this one.

8) I was feeling bad for having so much trouble focusing my prayers, but then Sunday at church my pastor said that when a particular thing keeps coming to our mind when we are praying, it is because that is what we need to be praying about!

I am behind on my blog commenting, but you girls are definitely in my prayers. Lisa and "A" I am praying specifically for your cycles. I am so hopeful for you both!

Worshipful Wednesday #3

Have you ever thought about how truly amazing prayer is? What an awesome privilege it is to be able to talk (and listen) to the One who created heaven and earth. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 62:8:

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

God not only allows us to pour out our hearts to Him, but actually invites us to do so. We can take all our fears, concerns, anguish, grief, and even our anger and bitterness to Him in prayer.

"Not so, my Lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." 1 Sam 1:15-16

Because of what Jesus has done for us in reconciling us to God, we are able to freely approach Him.

"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." Eph 3:12

There was a period of time where I was afraid to ask God for children. I mistakenly thought doing so meant I wasn't surrendered to His will. What was interesting was that it was only after beginning to surrender my desire for children to the Lord that I began to be able to pray about it. I had to be humbled and realize I had no control over this issue. But how freeing it was to bring my desire for children to Him, pouring out my heart to Him in prayer.

So today I praise God for the blessing of prayer and the blessing of being prayed for by others.

Thank you Lord for hearing our prayers and for your mercy and grace to help us in our time of need.

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Heb 4:16

"I call on the LORD in my distress, and He answers me." Psalm 120:1

Joy is Coming

Life feels very busy lately! Now that we have gotten through the main part of the adoption paperwork (and the fact that I have pretty much given up on trying to complete all my homework and reading for my class (Perspectives on the World Christian movement) at church - it is too much!), I have been trying to catch up with friends. Friday night two of my closest friends came over and we spent some time praying together. I have many friends who are single and desiring to be married. In almost every area of my life - friends, work, church, and family - I know of people desiring marriage. I have had a strong desire to be praying for all of them lately so it was a blessing to be able to pray with my friends about this. On Sunday, I went to a bridal shower for another friend. It was wonderful to see friends that I don't usually get to see since we don't live near each other.

However, there were parts of the bridal shower that were hard for me. And I hate feeling like this. As it often does at these type of events, talk turns to how many children the couple "plans" to have. Someone said a beautiful prayer for the bride-to-be. In the prayer, she asked the Lord to make their marriage fruitful and produce children. There is nothing wrong with this at all, I always pray for friends who are getting married to not experience infertility. But I found myself wondering why the Lord hasn't allowed our marriage to be "fruitful." And why for most people they get to "plan" how many children they will have and when they will have them. At times like these, I have a tendency to fall back into old thought patterns, thinking that maybe it is because I am unworthy of God's blessing and maybe if I had been a better person we would experience His blessing of children. I know thoughts like these are wrong. The blessings we receive are because God is good, not because of anything we do. Sometimes it is hard not to let my thoughts get away from me wondering why we have to walk this difficult path. Today I happened to hear a song on A's blog (Lisa also posted about it) by Josh Wilson that really spoke to me. These lyrics in particular really jumped out at me:

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you?
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see, you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

The pain of now can't compare to the joy that is coming! I am holding on to this right now. Listen to "Before the morning" below.

Amazing Answer to Prayer!

This past Friday, we had to meet with our social worker one last time. She just needed to clarify a detail with our home study. She also told us she was able to make contact with all our references and they were all "glowing" (glad to know our friends like us!). Then she gave us fantastic news that was a major answer to prayer. I wrote here about our concern regarding our move in summer of 2011 since Korea has recently become more restrictive of families moving during the adoption process. Our social worker contacted the Korea program coordinator in the Minnesota office, who contacted Eastern (the adoption agency in Korea), and explained the situation with military families to them. She let them know that we have NO choice about moving. Well praise God, Korea has given our agency permission to place children with military families no matter where we are stationed next as long as it is in the Continental US! This is not just for us, this applies to other military families who may adopt through them in the future. But I really sensed God's hand in this. This is a huge blessing!

In other news, it is out with the old and in with the new. The old being John's 2 door manual transmission Honda civic and the new being my new Hyundai Elantra Touring in black, with an automatic transmission. An automatic is a major plus in Washington, DC traffic! This is the first car we have bought together since we have been married. John was able to sell his car to one of his classmates which made for a very stress-free transaction. The new car is not exactly a mini-van, but it is definitely more family friendly.

We had a great weekend. On Friday, John and I had a date night and went to see the Terra Cotta Warriors at the National Geographic museum. They were amazing. Saturday, I got together with a couple friends to sign Easter cards and put together packages for some of the refugees from North Korea that are here in the U.S. Many of them are very lonely and completely cut off from their families in North Korea. Saturday we watched some movies (Netflix - love it!) and Sunday we went to church, and then did some studying (John - schoolwork, me - Perspectives).

Lastly, I wanted to thank those who left questions on my last post. I have responded to all of them on their blogs or through email, but I am happy to answer them or any other questions in an upcoming post if it could be helpful to anyone. Just let me know - I am always happy to answer questions.

Lord Reign in Me

When I go for jogs, I like to listen to praise and worship songs on my iPod. Often it is a time for me to spend with the Lord in praise and prayer. I think this is one of the reasons the disruption of my exercise routine was so bad for me. Anyways, the other day I was listening to "Lord Reign in Me" while out for a jog. Even though I had heard the song many times before, on that day I was really struck by the words in the chorus:

Lord reign in me
Reign in Your power
Over all my dreams
In my darkest hour
You are the Lord of all I am
So won't you reign in me again

And so this became my prayer. I want the Lord to rule and reign in me. I want Him to reign over all my dreams, even my dream of being a mom. He is my King - the Lord of all I am (and of all I am not). Now let's see if I manage to successfully including a YouTube video - this is the first time I have tried it.