Watch my brother's Bully Free video!

So proud of my brother Robert. He wrote and performed this song, then put the video together with the help of his wife. Check it out!

Look Who's Starting to Walk!!!!!

This was yesterday. Joshua has done this several other times, but this is the first time I managed to capture it on video. I am so excited to see him taking steps.

I have to confess that I have struggled a bit with Joshua not walking yet, not because of wanting a perfect child or anything like that, it has more to do with expectations. It is one of several things I have struggled with since bringing Joshua home, most of them having nothing to do with Joshua or adoption (John's work situation and moving to Tucson - posts for another day), but much of it has been about expectations. Our adoption agency did a very good job of preparing us to reset our expectations for bringing home a toddler after the delays in the adoption process were announced due to EP situation. I prepared myself for a toddler and researched things to do with a toddler in Tucson. The toddler age is probably my favorite age and so the fact that we were going to be bringing home a toddler was something I was actually very excited about. However, I underestimated the effect Joshua's prematurity and possibly other things would have on him. When we went to Korea I was surprised at how much Joshua still seemed like a baby to me. Thankfully, a forum friend had shared a video of her son, who was similar to Joshua, with me. Otherwise, I would have been completely shocked. Crazy as this sounds to me now though, I thought he would start walking his first month home. And when that didn't happen, I was caught off guard a bit. I felt completely unprepared and have struggled a bit with what to do. You don't realize it until you are in the situation, but many toddler activities are geared for walkers (makes sense since most toddlers are walking). Not being able to do those things has increased the feelings of isolation and loneliness that I have already been feeling from living in a new city far away from family and friends with a husband that is gone for 12 hours a day. It has been surprising to me though how many people (strangers in the store) tell me how lucky I am that he is not walking yet. I get it on one level, chasing around a toddler is I'm sure challenging at times, but I don't think people realize how limiting and isolating it can feel when you aren't able to be a part of many activities. I hope this doesn't sound too "poor me," I don't mean it to sound that way at all. Walking or not walking, I am glad to finally have my little boy home and I love him with all my heart. But I did have to go through a process to reset my expectations again, ironically back to a much younger child, and I want to be honest with my readers to share both my joys and struggles, even those that are a result of my own wrong thinking.

I had been preparing myself to start physical therapy in the new year when Joshua will reach 18 months adjusted age. But he may not need it after all! He is quite strong willed and determined and trying to make him do something in physical therapy would probably be a disaster. I am feeling so hopeful that we may not have to put him through it.

I must also say that it is absolutely wonderful, amazing, thrilling, exciting, did I already say amazing to get to see one of his important firsts!

Worshipful Wednesday #7 - "How Many Kings?"

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliness hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we’ve waited for?

Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
It’s who we’ve waited for

How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Only one did that for me

All for me
All for you
All for me
All for you

How Many Kings - Song and lyrics by Downhere

 

This is what Christmas is all about - the God who loved us so much that He stepped down from His throne in heaven and took on flesh, giving His life to pay the penalty for our sins.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

I'm Still Here

Has it really been 2 weeks since I last updated! Sorry I have been MIA. It has definitely been a busy last couple of weeks. I have a lot of catching up to do! I am planning on picking back up with "Worshipful Wednesday" next week.

In my last post I mentioned I wouldn't be able to blog because John was on a break from school, which was true, but one of the other reasons was because I was planning a surprise birthday dinner party along with another friend for my cousin Sarah (the weekend of the 15th). We decorated my sun room with white lights, flowers, and tons of candles. I think it looked really beautiful and she was totally surprised.

On Sunday after church John and I went to the air show at Andrew's Air Force Base along with one of my friends. It gets me every time they pass super close to each other, like in this video I took.



After the air show we went and ate Korean Chinese food, we had Jajangmyeon. So good! I wish I had taken some pictures (like my friend Joia does).

On Monday, I went to dinner with my cousin on her actual birthday.

After that John and I did some catching up. We really needed it. During this break I realized how hard this past year has been on our relationship. I have had to accept that he is not available to spend time together as much as I would like, but after point you almost get use to it. So during this break, we really had to re-integrate. It made me think about what it will be like when John gets deployed (not that what I am experiencing even compares to deployment). What many people don't realize is that the re-integration period after the deployment is over can be almost as hard as the deployment itself.

On Wednesday we went and saw the movie Robin Hood. It was okay, I would say don't waste your money seeing it in the theater, wait for it on video. Also, as a word of warning, there are some fairly cruel remarks made by the king (who is the "bad guy") about his "barren" wife.

I had my first official training run with Team in Training this past Saturday - 3 miles on the track so that we could get an idea of our pace. I am really slow right now, just under 12 minutes per mile, which is to be expected I suppose considering how sporadic I have been about exercising over this past year. I am hoping to improve to be able to run at about 11 minutes per mile for the 13.1 miles. My goal is really just to finish without walking. I have to admit I have been pretty sore since starting this. Since I signed up pretty late in the process, I wasn't able to do many pre-training runs so I am easing myself into it right now. However, I made the mistake of doing my first two runs (prior to Saturday) in old shoes so unfortunately I have been dealing with a bit of plantar fasciatis already. I had to do the elliptical in place of running for two of my workouts. I got new shoes before the run on Saturday, which seemed to help a lot. I am still doing lot of massages (with golf ball believe it or not), stretches, and ice. I am really hoping I will not end up with an injury that keeps me from running the race.

The of this past weekend was a pretty lazy one, especially since it was cloudy and rainy. Went to church, took naps, and I finally watched the movie, The Kite Runner, which I would highly recommend.

John is back in school and already has a test this Friday and another one next Friday. Only one more year to go.

I finally have some adoption news to update about. Even though we were approved 2 months ago today, we hadn't received a copy of our home study until today. Our social worker is a social work intern in addition to working as a program coordinator at our adoption agency. So between her regular work, the work she is doing as an intern, and some family problems she experienced, I think she has been completely overloaded. So it took her 2 months to finish writing up our home study. I was actually okay with it, but I could tell she felt really bad. She sent us a draft today for us to make any necessary corrections. She also said that after consulting with her supervisor she felt that we would best be served by transferring us to a full time social worker. I am a little disappointed because I really liked her. And to be truthful it makes me a little nervous. I have irrational fears about our new social worker looking at our file, and saying "Are you crazy, you approved THESE people!" I know this probably won't happen, but I think these types of feelings are fairly common in the adoption process.

Anyway, that's all for now. I am looking forward to spending some time catching up with all of my blogging friends this weekend. These last couple of weeks have brought some great joy and some great sorrow. So I am both rejoicing and mourning (Rom 12:15).

Lord Reign in Me

When I go for jogs, I like to listen to praise and worship songs on my iPod. Often it is a time for me to spend with the Lord in praise and prayer. I think this is one of the reasons the disruption of my exercise routine was so bad for me. Anyways, the other day I was listening to "Lord Reign in Me" while out for a jog. Even though I had heard the song many times before, on that day I was really struck by the words in the chorus:

Lord reign in me
Reign in Your power
Over all my dreams
In my darkest hour
You are the Lord of all I am
So won't you reign in me again

And so this became my prayer. I want the Lord to rule and reign in me. I want Him to reign over all my dreams, even my dream of being a mom. He is my King - the Lord of all I am (and of all I am not). Now let's see if I manage to successfully including a YouTube video - this is the first time I have tried it.