Sunday, September 13, 2009
Psalm 127 - Part 1
You may have noticed the new verse at the top right of my blog. "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain." I have always loved this verse and have wanted to get it on a plaque to place in our home. It represents my belief that the Lord is the only One who can build our house. I believe He placed John and I together in marriage and I believe it is up to Him to add to our family. It is very easy for me to fall into sin and try to depend upon myself rather than the Lord. Infertility has shown me my need to depend on the Lord, for strength to face the trial of infertility and to bring a child into our family. Time has not made this trial any easier. But it has grown me in compassion, love, humility, and trust in the Lord. Daily, I find myself taking my desire to the LORD, surrendering it to Him anew, and asking Him to fulfill it. Every pregnancy announcement, every pregnant belly, every child I see that brings this pain back to my heart and mind is an opportunity to once again take it to the Lord. He is the only one who can do anything about it. He is the creator of all life. He alone knows the child(ren) He has chosen for John and I to parent. Of course, the question most of us can barely stand to even think comes up - what if God doesn't plan for us to have a child and intends for us to live child-free? This has been a great fear of mine since the beginning of this journey. I can't pretend to know God's plans and thoughts on this, but I personally believe child-free living is not God's will for most of us. I believe if God calls us to such a life it is for a specific purpose and He will give us the peace and even joy to live it. Why don't I think it is God's will for most of us? Because of His Word. This is all I have to go on. There are many instances of infertility in the Bible and in every one of them in His perfect timing and way, God brought a child. In each of these cases it was through pregnancy, but I believe God also answers our prayers through adoption. Throughout the Bible, God's heart for the fatherless is clear (Deut 10:18, Psalm 68:5, and Psalm 82:3 just to name a few places). In verse 6 of Psalm 68, it says the Lord sets the lonely in families. Psalm 113:9 says the Lord "settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children." I have always been hesitant to believe and trust that the Lord will bless us with children, but the other day (September 9 I think) I made a conscious decision. I was walking through the parking garage on my way into work crying out to God, asking for His grace for the day, and once again bringing my desire for children to Him, and I decided then and there that I was going to believe God is who He says He is. His word says He has a heart for the fatherless and commands us to have one as well, it says He settles the lonely in families, and it says He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. This is who God says He is and I choose to believe Him.