Then and Now

The first 3 photos are from October after Joshua had been home for about a month. The last one is from January of this year and is one of my favorite photos. I love it because it shows how far we have come. Often I feel like people want to dismiss the pain and trauma experienced by children in adoption. I feel like there is a tendency for many people to look at the first photos and say well he's just nervous about the swing - it's a normal childhood issue. I am certain it is normal for some children. But not for Joshua. If there is one thing my son loves it is to be swung, and have the sensation of flying through the air or falling. Not only that, but he was a child that by all reports was fearless. We specifically asked his foster mother if there was anything he was afraid of, there was not. I believe with all my heart that fear entered Joshua's life when he went through the trauma of losing his foster family, language, country, culture, and pretty much everything else he was familiar with. And I hate that for him. He has experienced more pain at less than 2 years old than some people experience in a lifetime. I wish I could fix it. But I can't. All I can do is walk beside him through it and pray daily for the Lord to deliver him from fear and heal the broken places in his heart.

By no means is it "all better now" but we've come a long way - praise God!

"Daddy's Home!"

One of the things we learned in our adoption education is that many children will bond with only one parent at first and most often it is Dad. John and I tried to prepare ourselves for this possibility as best we could. But we also knew it would be very hard on us if he rejected one of us, so we made it a matter of regular prayer prior to Joshua's homecoming. In one of our final updates as we came close to travel, we learned that Joshua was especially close to his foster father in Korea. You might think this would have made it more likely for Joshua to quickly bond to John, but actually the opposite is true. Out of grief and loyalty for the parent that was lost, most children will not bond initially to the parent of the same sex as the lost parent.

I believe the Lord was especially merciful to us in this area. Joshua did not reject either of us and would allow both of us to provide care for him. However, he overwhelmingly preferred me. This started even early on while we were still in Korea and continued for our first several months home. John had 2 weeks at home after we got back from Korea, but it really wasn't enough to form a strong bond with Joshua before he had to go back to work. Plus, I don't think Joshua was really able to form this bond at that time because he completely shut down for about 3 months when he first came home. Joshua was fine when daddy was around, but honestly he really didn't seem to notice or care when John left or came home from work.

After Christmas, John had about 2 weeks off from work. Well this turned out to be a huge blessing for John and Joshua's relationship. When John came home after his first day back, Joshua got really happy and actually went up to John and gave him a hug. Now Joshua is all smiles when Daddy gets home and follows him around everywhere. One time Joshua was in the bath when Daddy got home and he started throwing his bath toys because he knows throwing his toys ends his bath. He wanted to get out and go see Daddy. :-)

This has been so good for John. I think it was really hard on him being the less favored parent. I also think it made him less motivated to help out with Joshua - no positive reinforcement. Now John doesn't always have much choice about helping when he gets home because Joshua wants to spend time with Daddy. :-)

Sickness and Such

Wow, I can't believe February is almost over already. The only thing that makes me happy about that is the EP process is supposed to start up again this month. I am hoping and praying daily with all of my friends who are waiting on their little ones to come home from Korea. A number of these families have been matched with their children since December 2010. At this point, they are going to wait at least 15 months to bring home their children - it is just heartbreaking. Even though we are also waiting, in many ways it doesn't feel like it because barring some sort of miracle we really have no hope of traveling to bring Jonah home this year.

February started out fantastically with a visit from my dad and stepmom (Papa and MeMe). Joshua did really well with them and seemed less anxious than with our first overnight visitor (Grandma - my mom). I am hoping he becomes more and more comfortable with having new people here because we like to have house guests whenever we can. My stepmom is my favorite picture taker. Over the years, she has captured some of my favorite photos of John and I. She was also the one I turned to when we needed to take a family photo for our adoption application. During their visit, she took some family photos and also some pictures of Joshua and I, since I don't have many of those being that I am the picture taker in our family. I will post them later, but I have to share one of my favorites now.

Following their visit, we have had a rough couple of weeks. Joshua got very sick. At first it seemed like a cold, but by day three, I was rushing him to the doctor's office with wheezing and increased respirations. The only reason we didn't end up in the ER is because I get VIP treatment at John's work from one of his colleagues. I am so grateful. Joshua's oxygen level was very low. It took 3 breathing treatments, plus oral steroids to get it back up, but even then he was still wheezing. Our NP put us on around the clock breathing treatments plus inhaled steroids. That particular week, John was working 12 hours shifts due to a base exercise so he wasn't able to help out at night at all. Needless to say I was exhausted. The next morning we ended up going to the ER because he was still wheezing. Thankfully, some time between me deciding to bring him in and the doctor seeing him, the second dose of oral steroid kicked in. Because this is now the third time this has happened, Joshua's NP has put him on inhaled steroids permanently as a preventative measure. Joshua has major risk factors for asthma, and it is looking like he probably has it.

Joshua recovered after several days and is now doing well. I got sick immediately after that, sicker than I have been in a very long time. Or maybe it just felt like that with it being my first experience with being sick as a mom. Miserable. I was running a fever and was endlessly blowing my nose, pretty sure it was RSV. I just wanted to lay on the couch and go to sleep, but not possible. I even tried to put on a movie for Joshua to see if he would sit and watch it and let me rest, bu no go. I was literally in tears. Never have I wished my mom lived near me more. While we have started to make friends here, I still don't feel like I have anyone to call in a situation like this (my friend Christy lives an hour away so a little far to help in this type of situation).

In the midst of all this Joshua started cutting his last canine tooth. I don't know how it is for others, but teething has been really difficult for us. Even with Ibuprofen, it really bothers Joshua. He usually sleeps through the night, but when he is teething his sleep is disturbed and he will wake up around 4am most nights, maybe the pain killers wearing off? I can get him back to sleep, but it leaves us both very tired. Also, his personality completely changes. My sweet happy little boy is replaced by a very irritable and very fussy little boy. I was literally at my whits end by the end of this past week and just desperate for a break. We haven't reached a point where we feel comfortable leaving Joshua with anyone yet, so I don't really ever get a break. Most of the time, I am completely okay with that, but after these past couple of weeks I really needed one. Thankfully, John was able to give me a break this past Saturday - got my haircut, went to Target by myself, then went to a 31 party. It was just what I needed.

This week begins another week of 12 hour shifts for John, which actually means he will be gone for at least 13 hours (often more). These weeks are very hard on both of us. If you could, would you pray for us this week?

Happy Lunar New Year!

I took these pictures on the 23rd, but am just getting around to posting them. Anyway, we would like to wish everyone a belated Happy Lunar New Year (Seollal), especially Joshua's 엄마 and 아빠.

새해 복 많이 받으세요

The hanbok is from Joshua's 1st birthday, his foster mother gave it to us when we traveled to Korea. So handsome!!!

Joshua Has Something to Tell Ya'll

Back in December at our 3 month post-placement visit for Joshua, we had casually mentioned to our social worker that we were hoping to start the adoption process again next year. On December 28th, exactly one month ago tomorrow, we received the most unexpected phone call from our adoption agency. "This is one of those strange sorta phone calls," she says. Were we serious about wanting to start the process again, she wanted to know. Yes! Well, I have a little boy here and no family that is paperwork ready except you guys. You may remember that we had to do our home study all over again when we moved to AZ. Well as it turned out, this was a HUGE blessing. The only reason we got this phone call was because we had a current approved home study (the initial home study in AZ is good for 18 months). We weren't sure if we would be able to come up with all the finances so quickly, so we asked her for a few days to pray about it and see how God was leading us. God gave us a very clear answer as to how we were to proceed and how He would provide. With God's miraculous provision, we called our social worker on January 1st (she gave us her home number) to tell her we wanted to move forward. She sent over the referral  paperwork that same day. So we started 2012 by seeing the face of our next son for the first time.

We still had some paperwork to do to update our home study plus all the referral acceptance paperwork and we also had to wait for all the funds to become available, but we got everything mailed off on the 14th (they didn't get it till the 17th due to the MLK holiday). Everything got sent to Korea last week, so we should be ATK (acceptance to Korea) very soon if we are not already.

John and I are overjoyed to introduce you to Joshua's little brother:

Jonah RiYoon

Born July 8, 2011

Jonah - Means "Dove" and has the spiritual connotation "Declarer of Joy and Salvation"

RiYoon - A name given to him by his birthmother, made up of a combination of Korean characters

As it turns out Jonah was born at the exact time we were doing the paperwork for our home study in AZ. Our adoption agency is estimating that we will wait approximately 18 months before we are able to travel to Korea to bring him home. Please keep us and Jonah in your prayers as we wait.

Never in my life have I felt the favor of God as I do here. After the phone call, I kept thinking about the verse in the Bible where it talks about God as El Roi, the "God who sees me" (story of Hagar). I know of others who have received these types of phone calls and have secretly always wished to be on the receiving end of one of them. And I know the Lord knows that. Other people dream about miraculous pregnancies, I dream about social workers calling my house - ha! God is good!

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" Psalm 126:3. 

Note: Our new agency discourages publicly sharing photos because of how it may be viewed by Korea. I shared my blog address with Joshua's foster family and I don't know whether or not she shared it with Joshua's social worker in Korea. Jonah has the same social worker in Korea, so I don't want to put pictures of RiYoon here (other than the tiny peek above). However, I have a plan that may allow a large number of my "secret" followers to see a picture, so be on the look out. I will also post a photo on Facebook (I am getting all kinds of weird hits on my blog from sources I don't recognize so I took out my name). I will email those of you whose email addresses I have.

1st Trip to the Zoo

We went to the zoo the day after New Years since John had some time off. Joshua loved it. I could tell he recognized many of the animals from his books and Baby Einstein DVD. It was actually hard to get good pics because he was moving around so much due to his excitement.

 

This was the first of many trips I am sure!

Last of the December Photos

Apparently, woobies are required for opening Christmas presents (Christmas PJs from Grandma)

I love the look on his face in this pic!

Dancing!