The outcome of our IVF cycle

I'm sorry for the delay in posting the outcome of our IVF cycle, but I had to contact some people personally before making the announcement. Also, I needed some time to process what was happening. I am pregnant! Of course, John and I are happy, but to tell you the truth it doesn't really seem real to us yet. I think the other thing that weighs heavily upon me is that this news can be so painful for others who are still waiting and longing for a child. I hate that my news will cause others pain and having been on the receiving end of pregnancy announcements I know it very likely will. To those who are still waiting, I am so sorry. I know how painful IF is. I don't think I will ever forget, nor do I want to because I know it has made me more compassionate towards all types of pain. Please know that I pray daily for you.

In fact, it was a pregnancy announcement that precipitated us finding out that I am pregnant. The Sunday after Thanksgiving I received my second pregnancy announcement inside of 2 weeks and I was feeling very upset. I was happy for the other ladies but frankly I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was sure I was going to get a negative because I was feeling major PMS symptoms which is not that unusual for me in the week before I start. Apparently, John did not agree that it was PMS so he basically said "that's it, I am going out to buy you a pregnancy test." I took it Sunday night and it was faintly positive. At first, I was thinking maybe it's the Ovidrel (hCG hormone they give you to trigger ovulation in IVF) still in my system. The next morning, okay it was really 4:00am when I woke up to pee (now a frequent occurrence), I took another test and it was a stronger positive. At first, I was going to try to wait the full 2 weeks as Dr. K had said, but I just couldn't, especially when my husband is a nurse and can get a pregnancy test ordered for me anytime. So I went in on Monday and they confirmed that I was definitely pregnant. I went back for more blood tests on Wednesday and Friday to see if my beta (hCG levels) had doubled and they had which is very good news. Dr. K's office said everything looks good and they scheduled my ultrasound for December 22nd. If heartbeat is seen on this ultrasound, then that will mean things look very good for the pregnancy. Even though things are going well and I feel very pregnant (fatigue, mild nausea, frequent urination, and breast soreness) I am still very nervous. I am finding it very hard not to worry or be fearful. I know that everything is in the Lord's hands, but trusting in that is easier said than done. I am also concerned about hurting others so between the two issues, I haven't really celebrated this yet. However, I know I need to praise God for what He has done. He has done a wondrous deed and I am completely overwhelmed by His grace and mercy to me. Yes, we used advanced reproductive technology, but Dr. K was merely the instrument, it was God who brought this about and all the glory is His. The fact is every one of our prayer requests was answered.

There is some sad news, however, the other 3 embryos that were not transferred did not make it. Dr. K's office freezes on day 5 which is the blastocyst stage of development. From what I understand this is a difficult developmental hurdle to overcome as only 40% of embryos will develop to blastocysts. The 3 that weren't transferred were also the 3 weakest since they choose the 2 best embryos to transfer. It is hard not to wonder if they could have survived if they were transferred into me, but I know that would not have been a good idea to transfer all of them since it would have placed all their lives at risk. I prayed that all of them would survive, but I also prayed that the Lord's will would be done in each of their lives and I must accept that it was.

I have read Psalm 65 a lot throughout this process. It is described as a hymn in praise of God's great goodness which seems like an appropriate way to end this post:

1 Praise awaits you, O God, in Zion;
to you our vows will be fulfilled.

2 O you who hear prayer,
to you all men will come.

3 When we were overwhelmed by sins,
you forgave our transgressions.

4 Blessed are those you choose
and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
of your holy temple.

5 You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness,
O God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
and of the farthest seas,

6 who formed the mountains by your power,
having armed yourself with strength,

7 who stilled the roaring of the seas,
the roaring of their waves,
and the turmoil of the nations.

8 Those living far away fear your wonders;
where morning dawns and evening fades
you call forth songs of joy.

9 You care for the land and water it;
you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
to provide the people with grain,
for so you have ordained it.

10 You drench its furrows
and level its ridges;
you soften it with showers
and bless its crops.

11 You crown the year with your bounty,
and your carts overflow with abundance.

12 The grasslands of the desert overflow;
the hills are clothed with gladness.

13 The meadows are covered with flocks
and the valleys are mantled with grain;
they shout for joy and sing.