It's official. I just got the call from Dr. K - a BFN - not that it was a surprise. I think I am still processing it right now and of course the move is a major distraction. Maybe that's a good thing. I'm sure it will hit me more over these next few days and once we get settled into our new home. Speaking of which, I think we may have found a house. We put in an application today so we are just waiting to hear whether we are approved or not.
I think the main thing I am wrestling with right now are the "what ifs." What is we hadn't limited the number of eggs we allowed them to ICSI. Did we do the right thing? Did we give ourselves a fair shot? Of course, Dr. K says we shouldn't limit the number, but I don't think I would expect him to say anything else. I felt like he placed the entire "blame" as to why it didn't work on the fact that we limited the number even though we had more this cycle than last cycle when I actually got pregnant. I don't know what to think. One thing we are pretty sure about - this is more than likely the end of the road for us in terms of fertility treatment. None of our embryos made it to be frozen just like last cycle. From the get go, we felt that we wanted to try 2 cycles and of course commit to any frozen embryos we had. We don't have any frozen so we feel ready to stop. With shared risk, we still have a 3rd try, but we think we will cancel out of the program and get the 70% refund. Who knows maybe they will cancel us, considering that we only had 1 6-cell, grade 3 embryo to transfer. I am still trying to wrap my head around the idea of being "done" trying.
So what's next for us? We are still praying about it, but we do sense God leading us in a particular direction. I will get into more details later.