Friday, April 3, 2009


I was asked recently if the few gifts I received when I was pregnant made things more difficult once we lost Johannah. So I thought I would address this for anyone else who might be wondering. For me it really didn't make things worse, if anything having a few gifts gave me something tangible to hold on to in the midst of my grief, especially that first day. That being said, I probably would not want to receive clothing or toys again. For whatever reason those were the hardest things for me to have. They were given to me by my sisters and brothers, as well as one of John's friends at Christmas. To them, I say please know that I so appreciated the gifts you gave me. However, I felt like they were meant for Johannah specifically, so I just could not keep them. I donated them to a ministry at my church called Supper on Saturday that feeds poor families in our area. A couple of the gifts (thanks Wendi and De) were actually used for her service (if anyone ever wants to ask me questions about this, please feel free to email me). My dear friend Wendi gave me a photo album that I am going to use for the pictures we took at the hospital, positive pregnancy test, u/s photos, and others. I did decide to keep a couple of things. One of my sisters passed on to me a baby quilt made by my Grandma, so of course I am keeping that. One of my brothers gave me a Chicago Cubs baby t-shirt which I am also keeping. Long ago I promised my brother that any children I had could be Chicago Cubs fans. Our family is dominated by Yankee fans (boo) and since John is not a baseball fan I figured I'd help even things out for my brother. Finally, I am keeping two stuffed animals that were given to me by separate people. One is a lion and the other is a lamb. I just love that the first stuffed animals given to me are symbols of Jesus. My counselor says this is because I am an INFP personality type. Apparently, we like metaphors.

I am happy that I did allow myself to receive a few gifts even though things did not work out the way I wanted. I know I could never go buy something myself so it is nice to have just a few things. Also, it worked out that I ended up keeping at least one thing from each person or group that gave me something.

1 comment:

Stacey said...

I can understand both sides of this issue, I think. I have collected quite a few things over the years with 6 pregnancies. Sometimes it is really hard to look at that stuff that never was put to use. After a few years I boxed it all up so I could keep it but didn't always have to look at it. All of the things that we bought and were given to us are special and appreciated, although painful.

I'm glad you held on to a few of them.