I am still here! John was on a break from school so I took a break from blogging to spend time with him while I could. We managed to dig out of the huge snow storm I mentioned in my last post. We ended up getting about 19 inches!
Needless to say we holed up inside for a few days including Monday since the federal government shut down which meant I didn't have to work. John and I did manage to get out briefly on Monday for some shopping and a lunch date. The rest of that week I had to work and make preparations for cooking my first Christmas dinner. Despite six years of marriage, I have never cooked a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. We have always gone to family or friends. Since we are saving for adoption, we decided to stay home this year.
Here is my menu:
Ham, twice baked potatoes, sweet potato casserole, temptation salad (a "fruit" salad with marshmallows, sweetened condensed milk, almond extract, and whipped cream), cranberry sauce, garden salad, and rolls. Dessert was pumpkin pie, shoefly pie, and coconut cake. I only had to make the pumpkin pie, the other desserts were brought by friends. I think it went off very well and I was quite pleased with myself. I wish I had taken a picture to document it.
I also discovered something new the day before Christmas Eve. Dogs like chocolate. My dog likes chocolate. I woke up to this:
What was a full candy bowl of chocolate was empty and on the floor. Four hundred and fifty dollars later we had one unhappy, but alive pooch.
You can see the charcoal stains on her beard.
We had a great Christmas with friends and some family (John's brother and my cousin who both live in the DC area). We went to Christmas Eve service, then had a few friends over for brunch Christmas morning. We also got to read the Christmas story and sing a few carols. This is something I have always wanted to do on Christmas, but it has never been part of my family tradition. Since this was really our first Christmas at our own home, it was nice to be able to establish what I hope will become a regular part of our Christmas. Later in the day we had a few more folks over for dinner and then played some games.
I was okay during Christmas, the hardest times were while I was at work the week prior to Christmas. Since it was so slow, I had too much time to think. The day after Christmas infertility/loss really hit me hard. We went to visit some friends (our former neighbors at Eglin AFB) who are expecting their first child. I inquired about our other neighbor who I had not heard from in a while. I had this nagging feeling that I knew why. My suspicions were confirmed, she is also pregnant due in February. That same day, we had an engagement party to go to. I don't fully understand why and I would be curious if anyone else feels this way, but weddings have also become difficult for me. I think it is because one of two things will happen, either I will get a pregnancy announcement in the near future or worse that couple will become one of us. I can't help but think of the hopes and dreams most of us have as we start out our married lives. For some of us, those dreams are shattered. The other thing (which I am sure is completely in my head) is I feel like John and I are an ugly reminder to the new couple that things don't always turn out like we want them to. I am pretty sure most people already know this, but I still feel this way. Anyway, by the end of the day I was a complete mess. I cried almost the entire drive home, almost 2 hours (my poor husband). The following week was another slow one at work, which gave me too much time to think about this time last year. I was pregnant. I was starting to think I could relax and begin to enjoy the pregnancy. And then my world shattered.
However, John and I were able to spend some fun times together the week after Christmas, we had a dinner and a movie date to see the Blind Side (highly recommend it) and took full advantage of Netflix (also highly recommend). New Years Eve we stayed in and watched movies. The weekend after we went out to Virginia - it is so beautiful there. We did a little antiquing and had a very relaxing time.
This past week John started school again. This semester is looking even tougher than last. I will be happy when this first year of school is over in May. Supposedly it gets easier the second year.
I also started a course called Perspectives on the World Christian Movement this past Tuesday. It has a huge textbook and tons of assigned reading. I think it will keep me pretty busy as we wait for the adoption. I am also continuing to take part in a North Korea prayer group each week. I am so blessed to be a part of this ministry. I feel like I have finally found my passion in life.
Yesterday, the Christmas decorations came down and the house is back in order. Always makes me a little sad. Another year has begun. It is officially 5 years of infertility - I don't say trying to conceive (TTC) because we aren't really trying anymore. But it is five years of wanting and waiting, and hoping....
I hope this year is the year for me and for all of you who are waiting with me.