Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A Few Bright Spots

Thanks for the prayers and encouraging words after my last post. It feels good to know that what I am feeling is normal. I am feeling a little better, helped along by the following:

1. My flight is booked - I am going to visit my friend Wendi in Turkey! (don't freak out mom)
2. A date has been set for my second shower - April 23rd in central Florida (it is too difficult and expensive for all of my family to come to me in MD, so I am going to them)
3. A date has been set for my third (and final) shower - April 30th, hosted by my friends in MD
4. My last day of work is Friday!!!

Having all of this to look forward to is definitely helping.

I realized that what I have been feeling is more than missing Joshua and frustration about the lack of updates/information. It is also apprehension about leaving work and moving. So much change is coming up. And it is also about feeling overwhelmed about the prospect of finally becoming a mother. It is hard for me to even write that, but it is true. I have waited so long for my dream of becoming a mom to come about and now that it is finally almost here, I am scared to death. I feel totally inadequate and unprepared. I am bothered by how much I don't know, about being a mom, and about the little boy I will become a mom to.

Last Saturday, we hit the 5 month mark on our wait.

6 more months to go! (roughly)

In 6 months, I am going to feel more ready. Right????


Amy said...

Don't worry...your momma instincts will kick in the second he is in your arms!

Michelle said...

It is such a weird feeling to want to be a Mom so badly, for so long, and when it's finally here, we're like whoooa, what the heck do I do now?!? Every mother (birth or adoptive) feels this anxiety. However, we AP's don't get the luxury of warming up to the idea with a newborn baby that sleeps 18 hrs a day. We get the full blown toddler action to break us in! And it's hard...not gonna lie. But after a few months, you get the hang of it, and all it feels like you've been doing it for ever! But remember, give yourself time. The first two months of Maddyx being home were sooooooo hard for me. And then it all just clicked one day. You can't prepare for it now....motherhood is on-the-job-training only!

Sorry, this was such a long note! hee...hee..!

Amy said...

Glad to see you have so many people who care about you! So many exciting things coming up for you. I have been having a rough week. I took care of a little Asian baby this week at work and he looked so much like Parker's baby picture. I had to fight off tears all day! I hope that your baby showers and trip will help the time go by more quickly for you! I think that is great that you get to resign from your job!!
Praying for you!

Stacey said...

This waiting period sounds like a true roller coaster of emotions. I can only imagine how difficult those tough days are, but I'm so glad to hear that you have lots of things to look forward to. There are so many changes on the horizon for you! I have no doubt that you'll handle them all with such grace. God has been preparing your heart for mothering this special little boy. While I'm sure there will be challenges and big adjustments, I believe you'll be a natural! Girl, you've got this! :)

Grace said...

i *totally* agree with michelle's comment! the waiting is so hard and the extra time it gives you to think and worry makes it even harder! but, i *know* you will be an amazing momma...and though it might take a bit to get into the groove (it did for me!), you'll be the mommy that's just right for your joshua!

Hannah said...

Sorry I've been completely MIA from the blogs since Christmas! I've missed keeping up with you and I'll be praying for you as you wait the final months to hold your son! I loved Michelle's comment. I'm convinced that despite the frustrating days, our sons will bring us so much joy! HUGS!

Hannah said...

Hey Becky, I thought that was fun that I was just getting caught up on your blog while you were leaving a comment on mine! Just realized I'll have to add to my post that I've already had a few breakdowns, mostly worrying about the fact that he wasn't eating well, but there's still that joy. I'll be praying for you!

Christy said...

Hugs! Enjoy your trip to Turkey! Don't feel bad about being overwhelmed! Every new mom feels that way! I think with adoption you work so hard to "prove" your a worthy parent that then you feel like you have to be super mom. You don't, you have to be you, and you'll love your child, do your best and God will fill in the gaps! :)