Friday was my last day at my job. I can't help but look back and be amazed at how far the Lord has brought me. When I first started the job, I was still reeling from the devastation of my miscarriage and the final BFN that spelled the end of the road for us as far as infertility treatment. We had just arrived back in the DC area and knew I would need to work if we were going to be able to afford to adopt. However, in the state I was in emotionally, I knew I couldn't handle a long and difficult job search. I literally begged God for mercy. He answered me beyond any of my expectations. I had a job before I even started searching less than a month after our arrival in DC. It wasn't a job I loved, but it was the right job for me at the time.
At first, I was unable to even talk to my co-workers. I was in such a broken state I was unable to interact with any them. I just knew that if I was asked the dreaded question, "Do you have kids?" I would completely breakdown. And so I completely avoided talking to almost all of my co-workers for most of my first year on the job.
Except for one person. In the midst of my brokenness, the Lord brought a very special friend into my life. We were two broken people, and in our weakness, the Lord worked and enabled us to encourage and pray for one another. There were so many days where I didn't think I would make it, and the Lord would give her a Word to speak to me that gave me the strength to press on. And there were days where the Lord redeemed so many of the hurts in my life and the things He has brought me through by enabling me to give counsel to her. Only the Lord could do this.
Then there were days when I would walk in to work begging God for my time there to be short. My heart longed to be a mom and stay home with my children. Daily I would ask Him for His grace, strength, and help. But I am so grateful for those precious times with my Lord, for it was one of those days of crying out to the Lord on my way in to work when I finally made a decision to believe God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do.
"He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children." Psalm 113:9
However, I never believed that meant pregnancy. It was about a year after starting my job, that I made the decision to let go of the desire for pregnancy. And almost immediately the Lord began the healing process.
Soon I found myself getting to know my co-workers, becoming part of the lunch group that ate together (and laughed together) every day.
I wasn't afraid of their questions anymore. I even was able to share our happy news about Joshua with them not long after we got the referral.
And on Friday in front of the entire office, I was completely comfortable when I was given a picture of him my friend had framed and had everyone sign with well wishes and words of congratulations. I couldn't help but think about how much the Lord had healed me. I was able to be joyful, open, and vulnerable again.
There were so many days when I didn't think I could go on, but the Lord, who is faithful, brought me through to the end. "Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me."