Look Who's Starting to Walk!!!!!

This was yesterday. Joshua has done this several other times, but this is the first time I managed to capture it on video. I am so excited to see him taking steps.

I have to confess that I have struggled a bit with Joshua not walking yet, not because of wanting a perfect child or anything like that, it has more to do with expectations. It is one of several things I have struggled with since bringing Joshua home, most of them having nothing to do with Joshua or adoption (John's work situation and moving to Tucson - posts for another day), but much of it has been about expectations. Our adoption agency did a very good job of preparing us to reset our expectations for bringing home a toddler after the delays in the adoption process were announced due to EP situation. I prepared myself for a toddler and researched things to do with a toddler in Tucson. The toddler age is probably my favorite age and so the fact that we were going to be bringing home a toddler was something I was actually very excited about. However, I underestimated the effect Joshua's prematurity and possibly other things would have on him. When we went to Korea I was surprised at how much Joshua still seemed like a baby to me. Thankfully, a forum friend had shared a video of her son, who was similar to Joshua, with me. Otherwise, I would have been completely shocked. Crazy as this sounds to me now though, I thought he would start walking his first month home. And when that didn't happen, I was caught off guard a bit. I felt completely unprepared and have struggled a bit with what to do. You don't realize it until you are in the situation, but many toddler activities are geared for walkers (makes sense since most toddlers are walking). Not being able to do those things has increased the feelings of isolation and loneliness that I have already been feeling from living in a new city far away from family and friends with a husband that is gone for 12 hours a day. It has been surprising to me though how many people (strangers in the store) tell me how lucky I am that he is not walking yet. I get it on one level, chasing around a toddler is I'm sure challenging at times, but I don't think people realize how limiting and isolating it can feel when you aren't able to be a part of many activities. I hope this doesn't sound too "poor me," I don't mean it to sound that way at all. Walking or not walking, I am glad to finally have my little boy home and I love him with all my heart. But I did have to go through a process to reset my expectations again, ironically back to a much younger child, and I want to be honest with my readers to share both my joys and struggles, even those that are a result of my own wrong thinking.

I had been preparing myself to start physical therapy in the new year when Joshua will reach 18 months adjusted age. But he may not need it after all! He is quite strong willed and determined and trying to make him do something in physical therapy would probably be a disaster. I am feeling so hopeful that we may not have to put him through it.

I must also say that it is absolutely wonderful, amazing, thrilling, exciting, did I already say amazing to get to see one of his important firsts!