Adoption News/1st Baby Shower

1) Our adoption agency had a waiting families support group meeting for families adopting internationally on the 8th. I ended up going even though my cousin was staying at my house while he was in town visiting (his sister lives here also and the plan was for him to spend the morning with her so I wasn't completely deserting him). My hubby was kind enough to make him breakfast and play host so that I could go to the meeting. That was during the time when I was at a low point emotionally (as I wrote about here) so I just felt like I needed to be there. I think just getting to do something, anything, to make this whole thing feel more real was helpful at that point. There was nothing said that was particularly helpful, I think just knowing that I am not alone was enough. It seemed that there were others that were having an even tougher time with the wait.

I think the best part for me was getting to see Jen and have lunch with her afterward. She had just found out that her son's paperwork was being processed for emigration permission, so it was fun to celebrate this news with her. She should be getting her travel call any day!!! I also got to meet another adoptive mom-to-be who got a referral in December and I am hoping to get together with her very soon. The support of others along this road is so helpful.

2) It is that time again. Has it really been a year already? Yes, we have to update our home study. We have a doctor's appointments on Feb. 2nd, we have requested our driving records from Florida, and we have put in the form to get the background clearance from the state of Maryland. If you remember from the last home study, this was the form that took 9 or 10 weeks, when the one from Florida only took 1 week. It held up the entire process. Hopefully, that won't be the case this time. Other than these items, everything else is pretty simple: some forms to sign, employment letters, and tax and financial information to compile. Unfortunately, they recently doubled the fee from $250 to $500 for an update :-(

3) We got another update on Joshua. The reason we received another one so soon is because he was hospitalized from Dec. 29th - Jan 4th for bronchitis. We didn't find this out until this past Friday, 10 days after he was released from the hospital. According to the update he is doing fine now and is at home with his foster family. I cannot tell you how hard it is to find out your son has been in the hospital. I wish I could have been there to hold him. But the reality is that he doesn't know me. I am not the one who can give him comfort right now. And so I thank God for his foster mother. Please keep him in your prayers as these type of respiratory illnesses are very common in preemies.

4) We finally got new pictures of Joshua!!! You will not believe how cute he is. I will post the pictures as soon as I get the originals so that I can scan them in (they emailed us a PDF with the pictures scanned in).

5) This past Saturday I had my 1st adoption shower!!! This is most likely the 1st of 3 showers. I will also have one with my friends here in Maryland and one with my family in Florida. It felt so surreal. The morning of I was so excited; I kept thinking and even asked John a couple of times, "Is this really happening? Am I really going to an adoption shower. For me? With baby presents?" The shower was held by the ladies from my Apples of Gold Bible study (the one I took part in last fall). It was a bath and book-time shower (though I also got a couple of really cute outfits!).

What I really loved was that it was very Christ-centered. We opened with prayer and delicious food and then afterward everyone shared a favorite bed or bathtime memory or ritual that they did with their kids or from their own childhoods. Then we had a game where we had to pick out safety pins from a bowl of rice with our eyes closed - much more difficult than it sounds. I really appreciated the fact that Kelly (who planned the game) made a great effort to choose a game that was appropriate to adoption (she even gave a short message about how she chose this particular game because it represents us finding our son in spite of all the difficulty and read Romans 8:14-16). And the best part was that whoever won got a prize for me, so either way I couldn't lose. After the game I opened presents and then we had a short devotional.

Lastly, we had a time of prayer for Joshua. Joanna (who organized the shower) made me 31 little prayer cards, one for each day of the month, done on scrapbook paper and then laminated. They are on a ring so that I can hang them up on a hook to have them nearby to pray for Joshua while I am caring for him. One one side of each card is a prayer and on the other the corresponding Scripture. I can't wait to make this gift for other friends. During the prayer time she passed out two of the cards to everyone and we spent time praying them over Joshua and us. It was such a perfect way to end the shower.

And now for a few pics. I didn't include the group shot since I didn't ask if anybody minded if I posted it.

 

 

 

 

 

Look at these train bookends - so cute!

Can you believe I actually have all this baby stuff in my house!!!

Because of Isaac

Inspired by their son Isaac, who came to them through the miracle of adoption, our very dear friends, John and Wendi, have started an organization called Because of Isaac. Their mission is simple: to raise funds to help childless couples adopt.

The reality is that there are many wonderful couples who would make great parents, but are unable to afford the high cost of adoption. The average domestic adoption costs $25,000. While it is true that there is currently a federal tax credit and some employers do offer adoption assistance that can help offset these costs, these funds are not available until after the adoption is finalized. The upfront costs of adoption must come from the adoptive parents.

John and Wendi are "providing hope for adoption" through Because of Isaac. I love this motto because hope is exactly what adoption has given me - the hope to become a mom to a child who needs a family.

I truly don't know what I would do or how I could handle it if we could not afford to adopt. We have been very blessed to be able to afford the cost of adopting. But that is not the case for many others.

Would you consider helping bring a child into the arms of waiting parents? Please visit Because of Isaac to learn how you can take part.

A New Year

It may have seemed strange for me to say as I did here that the new year didn't really begin for me until January 14th, but it is absolutely how I felt. When I awoke on that day, it was like a weight had been lifted off of me. I know now that all the sadness and uncertainty I was experiencing were an "anniversary reaction." I felt so guilty for having these feelings when I should be excited about Joshua's homecoming.

The excitement that had been alluding me has finally come. In fact, I was almost giddy with excitement on Friday as I thought about the fact that this is the year we will bring Joshua home. As part of that giant leap forward, I gave my notice at work on that same day. I will be officially transitioning to my new role as a wife and homemaker (and soon to be stay-at-home mom!) on March 11th. I am so excited!

As I look ahead to this upcoming year, there is still some uncertainty, especially in regards to where we will be moving and when  in the midst of all that Joshua will be coming home. Will we get our travel call before we move? My friend Joia wrote about having a word goal for the year which inspired me to choose my word for this year.

My word for 2011 is:

Trust

Definition of Trust

intransitive verb

1 a : to place confidence : depend
   b : to be confident : hope
2: to sell or deliver on credit

transitive verb

1 a : to commit or place in one's care or keeping : entrust
   b : to permit to stay or go or to do something without fear or misgiving
2 a : to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of : believe
   b : to place confidence in : rely on
   c : to hope or expect confidently
3 : to extend credit to

And my verse for this year,

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you." Psalm 56:3

The Lord is faithful and I know I can put my trust in Him for all that this year will bring.

Grateful

I could literally feel the prayers today.

Thank you.

It meant everything to me. His peace was with me all day long.

And tomorrow is another day - a brighter day.

Because of the LORD’s great love 

we are not consumed, 

for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; 

great is your faithfulness.  

Lamentations 3:22-23

I just read on another blog that today is Korean American Day. And that makes me smile.

Remembering

I have been wanting to write a "good-bye 2010, hello 2011" post, but have really been struggling with it. It probably didn't help matters that I started off the year with a sinus infection and my monthly friend. But I guess what it really comes down to is I am feeling guilty that I haven't been able to write a hope-filled post about how excited I am it's 2011. The truth is my predominant emotion about this upcoming year has been uncertainty. There just feels like there are so many unknowns right now. We are due to move (as a result of John's military service) in less than five months and we have absolutely no idea where that is going to be. And even though I know intellectually that this is the year we will most likely bring Joshua home, it doesn't feel like it right now. I know that probably makes absolutely no sense, but it all just feels so far off and unreal.

The other emotion I am feeling is sadness. It is two years tomorrow since we lost our baby. While there is no longer the raw emotion that was present in the first several months to a year following my miscarriage, it is still painful to remember what we lost. A friend asked me if having Joshua lessened the pain. My response was no, Joshua is not a replacement for the baby we lost. He is his own person to be loved and cherished (and we most certainly do love and cherish him!), but another baby doesn't take the place of the baby that was lost.

However, in spite of all the uncertainty and the grief I am feeling right now, I know I have much to be thankful for and celebrate about 2010, and I plan to do so because I think it is important to reflect back on all the Lord has brought about in preparation for this next year. But right now it will have to wait until I get through tomorrow. I feel like my new year no longer begins on January 1st, for me the new year doesn't really start until the day after tomorrow.

Christmas in Texas

We spent Christmas in Texas with John's parents,brother, and sister. They live in the Texas Hill Country, which is so beautiful, definitely one of my favorite parts of Texas.

We drove.

25 hours each way.

We left Tuesday morning Dec 21st and arrived Wednesday evening. We spent 3 days and then left Sunday, returning to DC Monday evening. Thankfully the blizzard hit east of DC and so we didn't run into any trouble on our drive home. I had to be back at work Tuesday morning. I am still exhausted from the drive. I am glad we went and happy we saved money and were able to take Annie, but I am never making that kind of drive again. I am definitely looking forward to recovering over this 3-day holiday weekend.

We did have a good time though. We hadn't spent Christmas with John's parents since 2007 and I know it meant a lot to them to have us there.

I didn't take many pictures, but here are the few I took.

At the Salt Lick in Driftwood, barbecue is a must have on any trip to Texas - love it!

 

 

This was outside our room at our bed and breakfast - I thought it was funny

  

Our room

 

Along the River Walk in San Antonio. We went to an Irish pub with John's dad.

 The Salt Lick and the River Walk were the first day's activities. Christmas Eve we mostly hung around the house since it was raining and then John and I made dinner to give his mom a break. We were hoping to go to Christmas Eve service, but it would have been very awkward because his brother and sister had just arrived on Christmas Eve and they are not believers and therefore would not have been interested in going with us. I think this is a difficult aspect of spending Christmas with my in-laws; there is not even a mention of the true reason for the season.

Overall, I think I handled Christmas fairly well as far as infertility/childlessness. Since we were not anticipating having Joshua home by this Christmas even under the best of circumstances, I was okay. I actually had a much harder time with missing our baby though. Two years ago, I was pregnant at Christmas. Many friends, including several I have come to know through blogging, are newly pregnant or about to have their babies. While I am thrilled for all of them, it has been hard not to think about pregnancy and remember when I was pregnant. The events of that awful day in January kept replaying in my mind. Christmas Eve night after we got back to our bed and breakfast, I had a good cry and just let it out. I miss our baby. Though I am excited about God's plans for us, I still miss her.

I have been consoled by one thought. Next year should be a very different Christmas for us. It actually didn't occur to me until after Christmas, but by next Christmas, Lord willing, Joshua will be home with us. It is hard for me to wrap my head around the thought of it - a Christmas with our son, a child we have waited for and prayed for for a very long time. I can't wait!

Merry Christmas!

This Christmas I have been thinking a lot about those who are hurting, whether because of singleness, joblessness, health concerns, loneliness, lost loved ones, or infertility/childlessness. I think many times those who are hurting feel that Christmas is somehow not for them and many find themselves feeling sad or depressed during this season. Below is an exert from a devotional email I received from Sarah's Laughter (a ministry for couples dealing with infertility or baby loss). I have read it several times this Christmas. For me, it has been a beautiful reminder of what this season is truly about.

Oh little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie!
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by.
Yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting light.
The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.

...the hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight…

 Hopelessness. Darkness. Shattered with the birth of this tiny Savior. Fear and hope collide in a cataclysmic explosion of joy! Every anxiety humanity will ever face is answered in the cry of this newborn King. That night in Bethlehem, love was so strong, so overwhelming that God wrapped Himself in human flesh and became God, Emmanuel, God with us. A love so powerful that God would not stay removed from us anymore. He came and involved Himself in our lives, in our hurts, in our fears. Because of the birth of Jesus Christ, fear lost its stronghold in our hearts. Fear is overwhelmed in the presence of God Almighty. Emmanuel is with us. We have been given hope!

I think many of us envision Christmas being about picture perfect families having picture perfect celebrations. For those facing circumstances that prevent them from living up to this, it often feels like Christmas is not for them. It seems to me that as a result of the way Christmas is often celebrated,  it shines a spotlight on whatever hurt a person is carrying around.

But Christmas really isn't about all the food, shopping, and presents. Even though family celebrations are wonderful, it is important to remember that Christmas really isn't even about the time spent with family. It is about "love so amazing, so divine" that the Lord became Emmanuel, "God with us." And He who took on flesh says to us,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Christmas is also for those who are weary and heavy laden, it is for those with unfulfilled dreams and unmet hopes, it is for those whose futures are filled with uncertainty, and it is for those who need to know the power of "God with us" to overcome the hurt and pain of this world.

May God, Emmanuel, give you His joy, peace, and hope this Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all!