Adoption Finalized!!!

On Monday, we went to court to finalize Joshua's adoption, concluding a 3 year long journey.

It was almost exactly three years ago that we arrived in DC heartbroken and yet hopeful, heartbroken because our 2nd (and last) IVF cycle was negative, yet hopeful because even in the midst of that cycle we felt our hearts being pulled toward adoption.

Shortly thereafter we began the adoption process. It was a process fraught with many ups and downs and more heartache and loss; an emotional roller coaster is how I hear it often described. But eventually, it led us to our son.

In many ways this final court date was anticlimactic. We have been a family since Joshua was placed in our arms on September 2nd. We sat at a table, answered a few questions in the affirmative, our social worker gave a positive recommendation, and then the judge spoke and signed the order. No gavel, no traditional looking court room, and yet this day was incredibly meaningful to me. I think it is the finality, the officialness, the FOREVER.

In that moment, Joshua JoonSeo became officially, legally, ours forever. And in that moment, he officially took on our last name.

Pictures from the day:

Getting ready for court with daddy.

Handsome boy!

Outside the courtroom, waiting for our turn to go in.

 

With the judge after finalization.

"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations." Psalm 89:1

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

My First Mother's Day

My day started out with Joshua and John bringing me breakfast in bed. The memory of Joshua carrying the plate in with his sweet smile will be one I never forget. Truth be told, I didn't actually eat breakfast in bed, but I certainly enjoyed having it brought to me.

And for the first time in a number of years I went to church on Mother's Day. Our church held a parenting presentation (their version of a baby dedication) and so we took part to commit ourselves to raising Joshua to know and love the Lord with all his heart, mind, body, and soul. I jokingly said this was the Lord's way of finally getting me to church on Mother's Day. :-)  Though I have every reason to celebrate this day, and I absolutely celebrate it, my heart is still very much with those who are hurting on Mother's Day. All morning long I couldn't help but think of how painful that service would have been for anyone dealing with infertility. I also think of those mothers who have lost their children, those who are estranged from their children, and those children who have lost their mothers, so many people are hurting on this day.

Almost all the other children being presented were babies, keeping a 2 year old still/entertained is a little more challenging. Fist bumps helped at one point. :-)

I don't remember what Joshua did just before this, but it was obviously funny/embarrassing.

My favorite one, us joined together in prayer as our Pastor prayed. Prayer is very important to me, so I love seeing that Joshua already has an interest in praying. He insists that we hold hands to pray at dinner time. Joshua does not say many words, but when we say "amen" he will often echo us with "men" - it is so cute.

After church, John made lunch and then I took a nap during Joshua's nap time. The rest of the day we just relaxed, talked to our families, and then John made dinner.

When we were in Korea, we bought a Celadon vase for occasions like Mother's Day when we want to remember and honor Joshua's birth mom. John bought two bouquets of flowers, one for me and one for his birth mom. I plan to take a picture of Joshua every year with the vase.These pictures were taken on my new iPhone, my Mother's Day present - I love it!!!

It is still hard to believe that I am actually a part of Mother's Day now. I feel so very blessed to be your mom Joshua JoonSeo.

Happy Birthday Joshua!!!!

Joshua is two today! Hard to believe he has been home almost 8 months and is turning 2 years old.

We are so happy to celebrate this first birthday with him. My friend Cindy is here visiting. We are making lots of Korean food and having a small family party tonight followed by a play date with friends on Friday. Keeping it simple for this first celebration.

Pictures to come!

I feel so very blessed to be your mommy Joshua JoonSeo. I love you sweet boy!

Our First Easter

We had a wonderful first Easter together as a family. It started out on Palm Sunday with John being baptized. This was an answer to over 8 years of prayer, so it was very emotional for me. The first picture is of him giving his testimony. Joshua didn't like it when someone got dunked, he kept saying no, no, no. :-)

On Wednesday of that week, Joshua had his 1st Easter egg hunt. He wasn't all that into finding the eggs. Then when he discovered that candy was inside he wanted to stop right then and open his egg up to start eating it.

On Saturday, we dyed eggs.

Joshua's first Easter basket:

His favorite part of it - balloons!

After church, we had dinner at our community group leader's house and Joshua had his second Easter egg hunt.

The only family photo we managed to get on Easter, hey at least all three of us are in it.

 

I couldn't help but think back to past Easter's and remember the sadness we felt over not having children. One occasion particularly stuck out in my mind as I was thinking about these times. We had been invited by a friend to her house for a neighborhood get-together and Easter egg hunt. We were the only couple without children. I thought I could handle it, thought it would even be fun to watch all the kids. But I don't think we were there 10 minutes before I knew it was a huge mistake to have gone. We ended up leaving in a hurry as I struggled to hold back the tears. How different this year was, gloriously different.

I remember another Easter at my dad's church where the pastor preached about God's resurrection power. At the end of the service, he had us write down on a piece of paper where in our lives we needed God's resurrection power. At the time, my sister had just been diagnosed with cancer so of course I wrote that down (and praise God she is now cancer free). But at the last minute just before the cards were collected, I wrote down our infertility. I knew this was the place where I most needed God's power in my life.

I write this with tears streaming down my cheeks in gratitude because indeed God's resurrection power has triumphed. Though barren, He has made me a mother and brought Joshua into our family. Wherever you are on your infertility and/or adoption journey (or any painful situation), know this, the same power that raised Christ from the dead is act work in your situation.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come." Ephesians 1:18-21

A Morning Date

This morning John and I had a short date, our first with a babysitter for Joshua. In January, when my mom was here we sneaked out for a dinner date after Joshua was in bed. It was wonderful! But we haven't felt ready to try a babysitter.

For the first 4 months home we didn't leave Joshua at all. At 4 months home when we switched churches, we decided to give church nursery a try. I know some people would be of the opinion that this is a little early to leave your child and others have probably already left their child in someone else's care by this point. Obviously, every child is different and everyone has different circumstances. Some people have to return to work. Others, like us, live in a place where they have no family and few friends. Our new church meets in a high school, so it really doesn't have a true cry room, just a space in the back of the auditorium which really only works for little babies. The choice was either continue to miss church as I had been doing to stay with Joshua or give it a try. Spiritually, I felt like I was in desperate need of this time to worship the Lord with my husband. Our church has a number of other adoptive moms and after asking their opinions we decided to go for it. My gut told me Joshua was ready for it, but I was so nervous. In the end, Joshua didn't cry at all. The same can't be said for me. I think he was a little anxious, but no more than any other child his age going to the nursery. The other thing I really watched for was any disturbances in his sleep. I knew if there was an issue it would come out in his sleep, either by lots of wake-ups with crying as it was in the beginning or a night terror. Thankfully, neither occurred. We were also invited to join a small group. One of the coolest things about this group is that every family in the group except one has adopted a child or is in the process of adopting. There are actually two other families with kids from Korea in the group! We meet on Sunday evenings and young lady named Imani from our church watches the kids in the family room while the adults have our study in the front room. It couldn't be a more perfect situation for our family. We are so grateful for the Lord's provision in this because we were so desperate for fellowship with other believers. We are finally feeling connected here in Tucson.

Imani has been watching Joshua on Sunday evenings for almost 3 months now and he has gotten quite comfortable with her. We have had a number of people offer to babysit for us when we were ready, but it was really hard for me to take anyone up on their offer. I just wasn't ready to take the plunge. Finally, last Sunday we ran into Imani after church service. This never has never happened before and it was as if the Lord orchestrated it. I felt His gentle nudge and knew it was time to ask her. She came over this morning and John and I went out for just over 2 hours. This way we would be home in time to put Joshua down for his nap. We went for bagels and coffee which we took to a nearby National Park. We climbed up on some rocks overlooking the park and just ate and talked. Then we went for a drive and stopped by a farmer's market. It was truly wonderful.

It got me thinking though. Sometimes I hear people say to couples dealing with infertility that you just have to enjoy the extra time you have together as a couple, and that is true to a certain extent. But something about that statement has never fully sat well with me. This morning I realized why. It is hard to enjoy that time when there is a huge gaping wound in your heart. That hole is ever present. For us, it was there for such a long time that it is hard to remember a time when it wasn't there. But this morning I got to feel what it feels like to go out with your husband and not have that hole present. And it was glorious.

The Lord has healed my heart and made me a joyful mother (Psalm 113:9). Thank you Lord!

Grandma's Quilt

My grandma, Joshua's great grandmother, died the summer after I graduated college so sadly she was never able to see any of her grandchildren get married or meet any of her great grandchildren. My grandpa died the year prior to her death. How I wish I could have known them as an adult when I would have appreciated them so much more.

My grandparents were not extravagant people or big collectors. They lived simply, loved Jesus, and prayed for their children and grandchildren daily. We do however, have a few cherished items that belonged to them. The summer grandma died, my sister was pregnant with my niece. She would have been the 1st great grandchild for my grandparents. One of the cherished items is a baby quilt made by my grandparents, apparently my grandpa would actually do a lot of the hand stitching, so naturally that item went to my sister. When I was pregnant my sister passed the quilt along to me as part of my Christmas gift. For a very long time it sat tucked away in the guest bedroom closet. It was hard for me to even look at it. One of my cousins had a baby, but at the time I had pushed those thoughts so far out of my mind (for survival) that I didn't even think about the quilt. Thankfully, by the time another cousin (his brother) was expecting, I was able to pass the quilt on to them. Their little girl is named Elise, which was the middle name we gave our baby, so that was kind of neat. Anyway, my cousin sent it back to us last summer before Joshua came home.

In August, I am going to have another niece so it is time to pass the quilt back to my sister. Truthfully, we didn't use the quilt much because it really is a baby quilt. Also, I didn't want Joshua to choose it as his blankie (with him being at that age). But it was important to me to get some pictures of Joshua with it before passing it on. I took a few pictures at the house which didn't really turn out well and then went to a park to play and have a picnic lunch. It was a fun day and a great memory.

I only wish she could have met my sweet boy.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Joshua is in love with balloons right now so we got him a couple more to celebrate today.

Then we made cupcakes. He LOVES helping mommy right now.

 

Finished product - Toppers are a free printable from Creations by Kara

St. Patrick's Day lunch was rice with seaweed (it looks black in the photo, but it's really dark green) and green grapes on a green plate topped off with a cupcake.

Initially, I wasn't sure how I felt about celebrating this holiday with so much emphasis on it being an Irish thing. We have an Irish last name, and therefore Joshua will have an Irish last name once our adoption is finalized, but I don't want to take away anything from who he is as a Korean American. Ultimately, I decided to have fun with it and celebrate the day with things I know Joshua enjoys. I like the idea of having fun little celebrations for the various holidays throughout the year. I want to keep it simple, however, and not fall into the trap of doing things to impress others or to try to be the perfect mom.

I also love this post from Dr. Russel Moore - a great reminder that St. Patrick's Day is really about a man who told people about Jesus. Now that is worth celebrating.