Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Much Better

I am feeling so much better. I really appreciate every one who reached out in a comment or on Facebook after my previous post. And as always I especially appreciate those who are praying for us. I loved Melissa's comment on that post about how it is up to us to open up dialog; I completely agree and found that linking the post on Facebook really did just that. For me, it is often easier to write out my feelings first as opposed to trying to open up this type of dialog in person. I knew many people were not asking anything because they thought it might bother me. So I knew that it was up to me to let people know. One thing I learned during our long battle with infertility is that most people don't know how to support you or what you need; you have to let them know.

As a follow up on asking about the adoption process, one thing I didn't say before, but I know is something that many adoptive parents feel and something I most definitely felt myself when we were in the process for Joshua, is that the question, "When?" may not be the best thing to ask. This tends to be the question most often asked, but it is the one that is most difficult for us to answer. Usually, we have an estimated time frame, but it is just that an estimate. And usually it doesn't change much so my answer will be the same each time I am asked. When you are feeling frustrated over the wait or finding it particularly difficult it is hard to keep answering the question of when.

I also wanted to clarify what I said about pregnancy. I think it was clear to most people, but just to make it absolutely clear, what I was saying was in NO way about having a problem with pregnancy. I was simply contrasting my experience with that of other expectant moms. What it was really about was feeling sad over missing Jonah, triggered mainly by him turning one. We have missed a year of his life. Developmentally, Jonah is much much further ahead of where Joshua was at one year of age, which makes me feel like I am missing so much more of his life. This, coupled with the fact that we have another 7 or even 8 months more before we bring him home, had me grieving the loss of the parts of his life we are missing. I know we will have so many more "firsts" with him, but I think it is healthy and natural to grieve and let go of the parts we have missed.

I also felt like I neglected to acknowledge all the amazing support I have received in the past and could be receiving now from adoption forums and Facebook adoption groups (these hadn't started yet when we were in the process for Joshua). I spent a ridiculous amount of time on the adoption forum when I was waiting for Joshua, but now that I am a mom I am not able to spend as much time on these boards giving and receiving support. I know that as the time nears for us to travel, I will probably be on them more, but it is also nice to feel supported by those you see in your daily circle.

1 comment:

Jessica @ Quirky Bookworm said...

Yay, glad you're feeling better! :)

We're going to meet a new cousin tomorrow... and then we may be hitting McD's for lunch if you and Joshua are interested. I'll text you if we are.